Q&A with Helen Bauer, ‘Pat’

So how did you feel when you first read the script, and what made you want to get involved?

Oh my God. Anything Sam wants, I’ll do. That’s not the healthiest thing anyone should say, but I loved it from the moment I read it. It was so different from anything else I’d read and so funny, and I didn’t know what was going to happen on the next page.

Honestly, I was so in from the concept of the show that I don’t even think I finished reading it before I was like, “I’m 100% in.” I loved the idea so much. I love watching shows where they do a full thing in one episode - I know that’s not typically scripted television - but transformation shows like Changing Rooms, 60 Minute Makeover and Escape to the Country.

You think Escape to the Country isn’t one of those shows, but it is, because in an hour they find someone somewhere new to live and a whole new life. That’s incredible. And here, we’re making an entire film in 30 minutes - probably less with ad breaks. I loved it. As soon as I read it, all I wanted to do was go! I’m very impatient, so I was like, “Well then let’s film it. I’ll clear everything now. Let’s go. I’m ready.”

So, tell me more about your role in Make That Movie. What was it like to play Pat, and how would you describe her?

Oh my God - Pat’s a lump. Pat is “a lump”. That’s basically the only note I got on set. Obviously, I got more, because they’re professionals and directors and whatever, but about four times a week someone would come up to me and be like, “More lumpish. More lumpish.”

Which is a mad direction to give to someone - particularly a fat woman. Can you imagine being told, “Be more lumpish”?

But the role is that she’s really there to do the job. She clearly enjoys it a lot and she clearly loves Sam, but she’s very… no emotions on any sleeve. Lara’s character has all the emotions, and then Pat’s just there to get on with it.

I really hope she’s got a really good home life. I also feel like she might live with guinea pigs and have an Instagram account where she feeds them. But maybe not.

What surprised you about Sam’s creative process once you were actually in the show?

Nothing! You just surrender to the fact that you will not know what’s happening, and then it’s the most fun of all time.

Every idea is a good idea, and every idea is worth trying. That’s it. It’s magic.

Sam has a very specific tone. It’s quite hard to define, but it is unique and distinct. What does it feel like from your side as a performer working with him?

I think it looks really unpredictable - and it is - but then we did the scripts, and the scripts were written amazingly. As a performer, it’s just so fun because you get to be there being a lump whilst people make magic. I just sit there.

What was the filming process like in general? Were there moments where you weren’t sure if something was scripted or improvised?

Oh my God, it was scripted. He wrote it. He wrote it so well that you didn’t want to mess around too much. We improvised with certain people who came in for certain episodes, but in general the scripts were so fire that you just wanted to perform what he’d written.

Was there a particular moment or scene that was most memorable for you whilst filming?

Oh my God. Most memorable… Debbie McGee, barefoot. The barefoot episode was chaos from beginning to end. Being in the nightclub with John Kearns, Debbie McGee, Michelle Heaton, Pat Sharp — it was so much fun. And so awkward!

I’ve never done anything where I had to be sexual in any way. I’ve danced and I’ve sung before, but watching John grinding up with them, I was like, “What is happening right now? What is this?”

The cave episode was pure chaos. You are not meant to film in a cave! It was like being on a school trip. It was full of waxworks. I only lasted about three hours before they told me I wasn’t needed anymore. I hate caves. Who puts waxworks in a cave with Sam Campbell running around?!

Let’s talk about the rest of the cast. What was it like working with everybody?

Everyone was incredibly aggressive and unkind, and Lara would be awful all the time… No - honestly, all the comics were great! We all know each other, and everyone was cool.

David Hargreaves. I love that man so much. He is not only the most talented, kindest, funniest person. The care home episode was amazing, because it was probably the only one where loads of actual actors were shipped in, and we were suddenly with these legends.

I love Aaron. Love Lara. Love David. Love Sam. I’m obsessed. It felt like being visited by the coolest people of all time when all the comedians came in. Sam only hangs out with awesome people, and they all came to set with this energy and curiosity about it.

I was talking to someone the other day who said, “I’ve seen a bit because I’m in the pilot for a second and I really liked it.” And I was like, “Oh my God, you were there!”

It was such an intense period, and it couldn’t have been a better group of people.

What do you hope audiences will take away when they watch it?

“That was fun. Let’s go again!”

Anything else?

“I want to make a movie.”

Can you describe your own movie idea in a couple of sentences?

Stop it, because I’ve got a couple!

Number one is a zombie film, but the main character desperately wants to be a zombie because all their favourite people have become zombies and they want to fit in. They’re desperately trying to pretend they’re a zombie the whole time, and no one bites them because they’re acting really well. Then they just have to keep up the whole façade.

Another one is a love story about the Berlin Wall. I’m such a history nut. I also want to do a time‑travel film where people get to travel back to different days at school so they can get with the person they always thought they’d end up with. But the time‑travel device HAS to be a bottle of Charlie Red. These are my genuine film ideas.