Interview with Kelly Cartwright (WEST SIDE)

Kelly Cartwright (37)

Paralympian, Geelong (AUS)

Gold Medal-winning Paralympian Kelly has been awarded an Order of Australia Medal. She lost her leg aged 15 through cancer, but has conquered the world of athletics, taken part in Dancing with the Stars and she has climbed Kilimanjaro. She’s now navigating being a mother to three children, but wants to see if she can survive the Apocalypse experience. She’s adaptable, resourceful, determined and a strong character. Her nickname was 'yelly Kelly' growing up!

What made you want to take part in Apocalypse?

I just love pushing myself past what I think I'm capable of. I guess I like proving myself wrong, and I love adventure. I've been a mum for ten years now, I've got three kids, and I hadn't set myself any real challenges since competing at the Paralympic Games or powerlifting. So, I think I needed to show myself I was still capable of pushing those boundaries. Even being a mum, I can still do this kind of thing and show my kids what I'm capable of too.

What skill did you think would be most useful to your group?

I'm pretty strong, so I knew I could contribute physically, whether that was cutting wood, lifting things, or generally helping. But more than that, I'm a people person, I like talking to people, and I felt I could bring positivity into difficult situations, keep things uplifting where I could. It turned out that was harder than I expected once we were there.

You just don't know what you're capable of until you try. That's been true for my whole life. I never avoid something because of my leg or because of what I've been through, if anything that's exactly why I do try things, because I know we're all capable of more than we think.

What was your biggest challenge?

Missing my kids was a huge part of it, there were so many moments where I wanted to leave purely because of them. But it wasn't only that. I really struggled with some of the personalities in there, which surprised me. I struggled with confrontation, which is funny because most people would call me a confrontational person. I think what I prefer is a healthy disagreement. The struggle was more with people outside my own team than within it, though there were a couple of moments there too. I've never cried so much in my life. Being around so many strangers and different personalities was harder than I expected.

Can you describe your first reaction when you arrived in the town? 

It was scarier than I expected. I remember thinking, this is genuinely a rundown, abandoned city, there's barely anything here. The sun went down quickly that first night, and we slept in a train station on cardboard boxes, still in our clothes. Halfway through the night I remember thinking to myself, what have I done? I kept asking myself if this was going to be the entire experience, because it was such an eye opener, and honestly a hard night.

Once we saw more of the town, I just kept thinking, how are we going to make this work? There were buildings, but not much else. I remember thinking, we just must keep looking and figuring it out. Those first few days really made me question how I'd build shelter or find food, but eventually you just do it, you find a way. It was mind opening in that sense.

What surprised you about the group you were placed with?

At the beginning, things weren't going particularly smoothly, there were a few early hiccups. But as the experience went on, I was surprised by how similar we all turned out to be underneath, and what everyone brought to the table, especially the guys. I formed a strong bond with them, and we understood each other well, even with the odd disagreement along the way. By the end, I felt genuinely lucky to have been placed with that group rather than the other team.

Speaking of the other team, was it a shock discovering there were other people out there with you?

Yes, it was a real shock for me. We were a group of seven, I believe, and it never really crossed my mind until the day I spotted them myself. I remember thinking, I can't believe this, there are other people here. 

Do you think conflict between the two groups was inevitable, given the circumstances?

I think so, yes. As soon as you're in that kind of situation, your guard goes up almost immediately, because you've formed your own group, even if only over a few days, and food is scarce, and you're focused purely on your own survival. You don't know what the other group is about or what they want, so the walls go up straight away, regardless of anything they've done. I don't think any of us expected it to escalate quite as badly as it did between the two groups.

Were there many moments where you genuinely thought you couldn't continue and should walk away?

Completely, there were many of those moments, and I didn't expect to feel that way as often as I did. I got unwell after the first week, and it wasn't only about that either, it was missing my family and everything else piling on top. I cried a lot and said many times that I wanted to leave. 

Early on, I used to set myself small goals, telling myself just to make it to day ten, then once I'd made it, aiming for day twenty, and I kept doing that to push through. 

It was conflict with the other team which triggered this. It got to a stage where we were trying to reconcile with them, but it put me in a difficult position, and I kept asking myself why I was putting myself through this when I could be home with the children I missed so much.

By the end, did your team start to feel like a family or community?

By the end we were genuinely a family. The people are honestly the thing I said I'd miss most about the whole experience. A few of us even got matching tattoos afterwards. We keep in touch, and we really did become family.

What did you learn about yourself taking part in Apocalypse?

That I'm capable of doing genuinely hard things. Whenever I've said something was difficult before, this puts it all into perspective, it's by far the hardest thing I've ever done. 

It's funny, straight after finishing I had all these thoughts about what I'd learned and what I wanted to take away from it. But coming back into a world where everything is easy and instantly accessible, phones back in hand, electronics everywhere, you slip back into old habits, maybe not immediately, but gradually. Being there without my phone or social media made me realise I wanted to be more present with my kids, to stop and play when they asked instead of putting it off, to make that extra effort to be present as a mum. I do think I've carried some of that with me, but I also feel like a lot of it fades once you're back in the comfort of everyday life.

Do you feel like being on the show changed the way you view contemporary life and the things we take for granted?

Completely, yes. I think what really struck me was how present, or rather how unpresent, we've become in everyday conversations, how easy it is to lose touch with family and friends because everyone's busy and distracted. Sitting with that realisation out there made me appreciate how much we take for granted, especially kids these days, where everything is so readily available and easy. I think in everyday life we've lost touch with real hard work, you can just order food delivery or get anything done quickly, whereas out there everything had to be earned the hard way.