Interview with Recruit 16 - Connor
Category: Press Pack ArticleName: Connor
Recruit: 16
Age: 30
Profession: Professional Irish Dancer
Hometown: Newtownards, (Outside Belfast) Northern Ireland
Background
Connor was one of seven children. His mother was Catholic and his father Protestant, but he was brought up Catholic. He attended the only Catholic school in the area, which he was quite secretive about, around his local Protestant neighbours.
As a notorious Catholic sport, Connor took up Irish dancing, which he was teased about at school. He was called gay or told he was a girl for liking Irish dancing. He almost gave it up, but his mum encouraged him to keep going as he’s a really talented dancer. For the last seven years, he has been a member of Lord of the Dance and toured the world, performing in the West End and on Broadway.
Connor often gets asked when he is getting a real job, which he ignores. He is currently in the process of setting up a dance school for when he finally gives up touring the world.
Well done, you made it to the final stage of the course. How does that feel?
It feels good. Throughout the course I just tried to take each hour, each new day and the task at hand one by one. When I entered the course, I definitely had the ‘Resistance to Interrogation Phase’ as an aim in my head. I wanted to try to get to interrogation to see what happens. The fact that this phase is so psychologically demanding made me so intrigued. I knew I was strong physically but this was the ultimate test to see how strong psychologically and mentally I am.
Why do you think you made it so far?
I trained my body and my mind so much before the course. I made sure I was in the best possible physical and mental state to take on this monumental challenge. With the help of my PT sister, we followed a very strict regime which took me to some very dark places, to push me to my limit. I did everything in my power to train my body and mind to keep going through the pain, so that I could become accustomed to suffering and this definitely helped my SAS journey.
I feel like my upbringing instilled values in me which stood by me throughout the course. I was always taught the value of hard work. I’ve never been afraid to get stuck in and get my hands dirty. I was taught to keep going until the job is done, digging deep and gritting my teeth when times are hard.
The Irish dancing I’ve done since I was a kid has made me disciplined, resilient and has kept me very fit. In Irish dancing, you're always told what you're doing wrong. There's very little emphasis on what you're doing right. You almost feel like you're failing, doubts are constantly in your head but you keep going and this resilience sticks by you throughout your life.
The experience was brutal but I just tried to enjoy it as much as I could and I relished the challenge. If the DS asked me to do something, I did it with no questions asked. 100% effort and commitment, no holding back.
At any point in the course, did you consider giving up? What made you continue?
Not for one second did I think about giving up. My purpose and my cause were too important for me to give in. The whole course was extremely tough, but when it got really bad and I was at my lowest, I really thought about why I was there, why I was putting my body and mind though so much pain and suffering.
I wanted to challenge the stereotypes of male dancers and show that male dancers are strong, powerful and tough and that dancers in general are as strong physically and mentally as anyone.
I felt like I had the weight of the Irish dancing world on my shoulders. If I gave up, I would have felt like I was letting them down and that’s something I wasn’t prepared to do. I went into this course putting a lot of pressure on myself to represent not just Irish dancers, but dancers in general. I want to show any young upcoming male dancers, or anyone who does a sport or discipline that isn’t perceived as ‘manly’, that you can be strong, tough and overcome obstacles that are put in front of you. Pursue your passion with all of your heart, don’t be deterred by stigma or stereotypes, be yourself and follow your dreams. In order to try and get this message across, giving up just wasn’t an option.
What was the worst part of the course for you? Why?
The whole course was ridiculously difficult, but I would say the ‘Resistance to Interrogation Phase’ was the worst. The last three days of the course were just hell, our food intake went down dramatically and before escape and evasion, we were running on empty. I’ve never felt so hungry, I felt empty inside. We were absolutely exhausted, with zero energy before getting captured, even before the interrogation phase started.
It was torturous. We were hooded and blindfolded, cold and wet whilst we were forced to listen to searing noises through headphones; white noise, drill noises, babies and women crying, pig noises, screeching glass to name a few. All our senses were cut off whilst we had to hold stress positions. The stress positions were much tougher than I had anticipated. Just holding my arms out in front of me for five minutes was absolute agony, but after longer periods, the pain was excruciating. We were very cold and wet, it was a brutal experience. This was all before the tactical questioning and being put under so much pressure from the interrogators. I was so disorientated and the interrogators tried to trip me up with difficult questions. This really played on my mind. I felt like I was letting down my team and ultimately the anxiety built inside me and it was a struggle to stay calm and stick with it.
There is a very fine line between giving the interrogators a small bit of information to keep them interested and giving them too much information, this was really difficult as it was hard to figure out how long we had been held for, so it was tough to make the right call and drip feed information to them at the correct time. It was a horrendous experience, extremely draining both mentally and physically, grinding you down to see if you would break.
What was the first thing you did after you left the course?
I couldn't stop eating for weeks, no joke! I was taken back to a hotel and whilst munching on chocolate and fizzy drinks, I called my Mum and my family. It was really emotional to speak to them after such a mentally and physically draining experience. I then jumped into a lovely hot shower - probably the best shower I have ever had. I stayed under that hot water for what seemed like forever. The lovely production team then brought dinner along with a cold beer which went down a treat. I tried to get some sleep but my body was still in a super intense state, so I found it hard to relax with adrenaline still pumping around my body, even though I was totally exhausted from the experience.
Describe your experience on SAS: Who Dares Wins?
My experience on SAS: Who Dares Wins was a rollercoaster of a ride, a truly life changing experience. It was the toughest thing I have ever done, but I can honestly say I loved every single minute; it was the best experience of my life!
During the course you don’t think about being on TV for one second. The course is so real and authentic that your only focus is on survival, and you forget about everything outside of that. I came out of the course a changed man. I’ve always had confidence but now I believe I can overcome any obstacles that come before me. To learn from, be mentored and guided on a daily basis by such impressive former Special Forces operators was a privilege and something I’m very grateful for.
Would you ever do it again?
Yes! Without a doubt, no questions asked. Take me back!
What do you think you’ve learnt about yourself?
I learned that my heart and drive are unrelenting and take a lot of stopping and that my body is capable of taking so much more pain and suffering than I ever thought.
Even though I’m not a fighter, I learned that I can harness and use aggression in the right way when needed.
I learned that I have a tendency to freeze in alien, high pressure situations. I was like a deer in the headlights on one particular task, and this caught me off guard. As annoyed as I was, I learned that it's okay to make mistakes! They are part and parcel of life. It's about reacting in the right manner, providing you learn from your mistake and move forward then it becomes part of the journey.
Has being on the series changed your life in anyway?
Yes, being on the course has given me a belief that I can overcome any obstacle put in front of me. Doing the basic and small things to a high standard consistently, will bring with it results. From coming out of the course I’m very much on board with aiming to get comfortable, being uncomfortable!