The Honesty Box - Q&A with Jess

Jess

29
Property inspector from North Wales

Contains strong language.

How would your friends describe you?
They would describe me as confident, spontaneous and bubbly.

How would you describe yourself?
I'd probably describe myself as a bit of a free spirit who likes to try new things. I definitely like booking spontaneous holidays or going to festivals abroad. I’m quite a last-minute gal. If I see something I want to do, I tend to just go with it.

Would you say family is important to you?
I'm very, very close with my family. I tell them everything, especially my mum. Even if she doesn't want to hear it sometimes. I'm quite open with her about my dating life. I think she finds some of the people I go out with a bit questionable sometimes. I'm quite an oversharer, so I still like to tell her everything.

How would exes describe you?
My exes would probably say that I was a good girlfriend. It didn't tend to be me that was misbehaving. I'm quite a caring person. I like treating somebody and surprising them and doing the little things.

How has single life treated you?
I’ve been single for three and a half years now. I think I enjoyed a single life at first. It was quite fun. But after the two-year mark, I'm kind of sick of the dating world now. Nothing ever seems to go anywhere! I'm definitely ready to just meet somebody now.

How do you feel about situationships?
I'd rather walk over a mile of plugs than have another situationship! My life is situationships. It's all I seem to get. I always say I feel like I'm the apprentice girlfriend: The person that people learn all their lessons with. Then once they're ready, they move on to the next girl.

Have you experienced cheating in the past?
With an ex, he was speaking to other girls while we were together, which I forgave him for, and I convinced myself it wasn't that serious. But in the end, he did actually sleep with somebody else. That was the end of it for me. I actually found out through a friend of a friend. It wasn’t a nice situation.

How did the breakup feel?
It felt like almost a relief ending the last relationship, just because I feel like every day I was waking up thinking, “What next? Am I going to get another message from another girl?” When it finally came to an end, I do feel like it was a weight lifted off my shoulders.

How do you think being cheated on has impacted your trust in guys?
It did affect my trust at first, but I've learned from experience that it's not fair to not trust a new person just because of what somebody else did to you. I would hate it if somebody did that to me when I was dating them. I'm always going to have that worry that it's going to happen again, but I think it's important you always give somebody a chance.

Did mistrust ever drive you to extremes?
Yeah. I'm not going to lie. I once had a fake Instagram account where I could check and see my ex’s nights out and keep an eye on things from afar. Because I think that boys protect their boys and they'll hide certain things from their girlfriends. It didn't always work out. It just shows the trust had broken down.

Why do you think commitment has been hard to find?
I've heard every excuse under the sun for why my situationships have ended. Either they're moving the other side of the world, or their lives are too busy, or they have family issues. It's always something. I just think a lot of boys are scared of commitment. They think if they get into a relationship, their fun life's over. They can't do what they want anymore. But I want someone to have fun with. I want someone I can travel with. I want someone who wants to do fun life with me.

What do you think you're like when you're in a relationship?
I'm a very caring person in a relationship. Maybe I do give too much. I am quite a selfless person in a relationship, to the point that people kind of walk all over me.

What do you want to get out of this experiment?
I really want a real relationship now. I'm not getting any younger, so it'd be nice to meet sort of my life partner. I definitely don't want another fuckboy that's going to cheat on me, so I'm really excited.

What does love mean to you?
I think you know when you're in love, when you naturally just want to be with a person quite a lot. I like a lot of my own time, but I know when I'm in love with somebody, when I want to share all of my time with them. I know it's cheesy, but I think you do get the fuzzy butterfly feeling when you're in love with someone. You feel safe as well when you’re in love with somebody.

What type of guy are you hoping to meet?
I feel most people say they want tall, dark and handsome, but I actually prefer fairer hair. Blue eyes, tall, nice teeth. Dress well. I don't think I'm asking for too much.

What about personality?
I like someone that is funny and confident. I think it's quite important for somebody to not make me less funny. I almost don't like it when a guy talks over me a lot, and when he doesn't like it if the attention is on me. I've had that previously, so I like someone that's confident in their own skin and lets me be me.

Are you looking for someone to match your energy?
Yeah, definitely. I need someone that is a yes man who will be spontaneous with me. Go on last minute holidays. Book a skydive. Go to a festival. I think I need somebody that's up for anything the same as me.

Do you think you've got good gut instincts?
Definitely. In the past, I haven't really trusted my gut instinct when I should have. I feel like girls just know when somebody's lying. Sometimes I just live in a bit of a dream world and like to believe the lies, but I need to stop doing that.

What are your dating red flags?
Someone who's not close with their family; Someone that is on their phone all of the time, and I can see that they've liked other girls photos constantly; Or somebody that is always on lads nights. I've got boy and girl mates. I think that boys that go on constant lads only nights tend to be up to no good. It does start making you think, “What are you up to?”

How important do you think honesty is in a relationship?
Honesty is everything in a relationship. As soon as the trust is broken down, that is the end for me.

Would dishonesty be a dealbreaker for you?
I think given my relationship history, I am looking for somebody that is going to be honest with me, even when they feel that I don't want to hear the honest truth. If someone just tells you everything that you want to hear, it tends to mean that they are good at lying and they could be hiding something bigger.

How do you tell when someone is lying?
I'm pretty good at spotting liars. Body language is a massive one, especially if somebody can't make any eye contact with me. And people who are hiding things on their phone or who won't ever leave it unattended. I've learned to spot little red flags like that.

Who would play you in a film of your life, and who would you want to play your love interest? 
I'd like to be played by Reese Witherspoon. And I am absolutely obsessed with Ryan Gosling, so I would like that to be my partner. I think he is perfect. Even his personality, especially in Crazy, Stupid, Love. The face, the body, the personality. I'm just obsessed.

Are you in the experiment for love or for money?
I'm definitely here for love. I've tried everything to try and meet somebody. Dating apps aren't working for me. I'm definitely not going to meet somebody in my local supermarket.

Why is it important to you to find to find someone to love? Are you are you refusing to give up hope?
I definitely want to find somebody. I think that I'm slightly getting tired of seeing my friends get engaged and getting married, and of course very happy for them. But, um, it does feel a little bit sad going to a friend's wedding when I don't even have a date to go with. I definitely don't want to grow old alone: That is my worst nightmare. Although I do love cats, so being a cat lady is probably not the worst-case scenario.

Meet all of the Truetopians in The Honesty Box Press Pack.
The Honesty Box starts Monday 28 April at 9pm on E4.

ENDS