The Honesty Box - Q&A with Chantelle

Chantelle

28
Digital Marketer from north London

What do you do for work?
I have two lines of work I’m a digital marketer by day, and by night I’m a host at a strip club. No, I’m not a dancer. I’ve done multiple things at the strip club. I’ve done hosting, organising the girls to get ready to dance, organising the dance floors and all sorts.

I try my best to look after them, but there are a lot of personalities there, so it is an interesting environment. I do love it because you get to see all sides of people. It’s helped me understand a lot about life. My day job does not know about my night job. A lot of people do not know… Until now. Surprise!

What do you do in your downtime?
If I’m not working on the weekend, I like to have a chill weekend. I’m very indoors and if I’m not at the gym, I’m eating on my bed! My hobbies are gym, walks, writing - I work in media so I write a lot.

How would your friends describe you?
People would describe me as caring, fun, needy, annoying, bubbly, charismatic, fiery, different. It depends on the people. I do have a fiery side. If someone does something I don’t like, I’m going to confront them. That’s just me, it’s always been my personality. I’m used to putting people in their place at the strip club. I put men and women in check. Sometimes even the dancers.

What are people’s first impressions of you?
They think I’m a mean girl, but I’m not at all. My demeanour can be reserved, and I’m concise; People can find it abrupt and rude. Really, I’d say I’m soft. I care about people, and I don’t want to offend people - that’s not my thing. My sense of humour will surprise people. I’m always laughing. I’m quite the jokester.

How would your exes describe you?
My exes would describe me as cold, quite detached, and never satisfied. I think that’s because they didn’t have the qualities to satisfy me.

What’s your relationship history?
I’ve had about three serious relationships and I’ve been single for five months now. As much as I enjoy being single, I’m exhausted and I’m ready to settle down and find a man. 

What are you looking for in a relationship?
My last relationship ended because I didn’t see the long-term qualities that made me want to be with somebody for the rest of my life. The thing that was missing was responsibility. Fathering, caring qualities. I definitely want children, so I’m looking for the qualities of someone who will be the father of my babies. That man needs to be understanding and secure within himself.

Have you been honest in relationships?
I have cheated in the past emotionally. I have a bad background of doing that. I’ve cheated on three out of four of my relationships, but I did not cheat on the last one so that’s growth! While I’ve been single, when it comes to dating, I’m a busy lady, so I will not be dating one person. It will be multiple; it will be easier and more time efficient. I don’t have time to waste.

How do you manage multiple dates?
It’s the only tricky situation scheduling dates between work and free time. So it can be two dates in a day. We need to get this done! There was a time where I scheduled three dates in a day.

Are you good at scheduling?
I work at the strip club so I’m good at scheduling, so dating multiple men isn’t hard for me. It’s transferable skills really. There was a guy coming to drop me chocolates and I gave him conversation and as he left, someone else came round and I gave him the chocolates. So, thanks for the chocolates. It was great.

Have you ever been in love?
I have never been in love so I’m excited to be in love. I get FOMO when it comes to love. I have a mentor who has a happy marriage. Love looks great – When I look at it, I feel jealous, but inspired. It is my goal. I ask myself why I can’t cross the line between like and love. There’s a barrier I can’t quite understand. I’m proactive when dating but it’s different when its intentional and I’m not good at that. I feel like I’m quite caring in a relationship, I’m a thoughtful person and enjoy quality time.

What’s your worst dating trait?
Unfortunately, I am a serial ghoster. I’ve ghosted a lot of people in my time. I’ve ghosted people for small things like talking too much or breathing too heavily. I can’t tell them because I’m a coward and don’t want the confrontation of why I don’t want you around anymore. My toxic trait is being detached, cold and I have a premonition that everyone is going to disappoint me, so I’m one foot in and one foot out.

Why do you feel that way?
I feel it stems from my childhood. I was in care from 4 until 18 years old, which transferred into my adult years and made me hyper-independent. Before being adopted, I went onto about five care homes and finally landed with a lovely pastor woman who was a long-term carer. She is my adoptive mother. I was with her from 7 until 18. She’s amazing and changed my life.

How did your upbringing change you?
My self-esteem was impacted greatly. I was on a journey of discovery. I had no parents to instil love or self-esteem. I’ve gone through cosmetic surgery to live who I am today. I’ve done the work: I did my breasts at 21; I did a BBL at 19. I got a BBL in uni and was going to lectures lying flat ways with a huge bum and everyone was confused, even the lecturers.

When I made those choices, I got obsessed with changing myself by creating myself through surgery, instead of looking deep down. I feel sad for younger me now. I’ve grown up and matured I realised inside is what matters most. To be something is to be happy within and I’m on a different spectrum with self-esteem now. When people look at me and judge me off the bat based off what I look like, it’s disheartening because they don’t know my background and what took me to that point and made me do those things.

Do you have any dating red flags?
Red flags in a guy is a man who talks more than me. I speak a lot, so if you talk more than me, I don’t know what to say with you. Or a man that argues with me about small things like paying on dates.

And what do you think about paying on dates?
The only thought I have with paying on dates is the man is paying for the date and I’m eating and were not debating that. If a man said, “do you want to split the bill?”, he will never see me again and will be paying in full.

What’s your type?
Looks wise my type ranges from edgy and awkward to tall, dark and handsome. Anyone can get it, but be tall because I’m tall. I’m 5’9 that’s the bare minimum.

Personality wise, I need someone funny, smart, switched on and can teach me things. Someone responsible, motivated, active, into fitness and someone who likes to eat a lot of food. It’s important someone has a good relationship with family because I want a family and you need to understand the value from now. It would be ideal to find someone that’s also Christian because we can connect on that. It would be nice to have someone that understands that I go to church every week - you’ll find me there every Sunday praising the lord. A lot of the time I go from the strip cub to the church. It’s nice to see the contrast and hope I can be forgiven! My pastor is very open. He knows I work at this club and I’m still there praising the lord alongside with him.

Do you have any big lies when dating?
The most elaborate lie tends to be about my location. I have an album of pictures that I can use at any point and pretend I’m in that location. I can pretend I’m in Spain to avoid people.

Is true love more valuable than money?
I feel like love is the most valuable thing you can get. Money comes and goes, it’s here one day and can be gone but love is consistent.

How do you spot a liar?
I usually spot a liar though body language. How they move and speak I can catch onto that.

What’s the best experience you’ve blagged your way into?
I am a blagger. I have the gift of the gab. I have had jobs I haven’t been qualified for. But they found out and that’s why I don’t work there anymore! When they set me tasks, I couldn’t complete… At least I got a month’s pay!

How have you prepared to face The Honesty Box?
By facing that my dirty laundry will be out there and I’m okay with that. I’ve never been afraid of honesty. The Honesty Box should be more afraid of me.

Meet all of the Truetopians in The Honesty Box Press Pack.
The Honesty Box starts Monday 28 April at 9pm on E4.

ENDS