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 “I know people in the football world who do this sort of thing, but at least they do them well and nobody ever finds out.”
Luiz Felipe Scolari tells Ronaldo where he went wrong – getting caught!
“I didn't even realise they were transvestites. As a player I am generally on a different level, but I am a person who has his weakness and fears which makes me as normal as anyone else.”
Ronaldo is Il Fenomeno on the field and a fool off it
“I had an argument with my girlfriend and then I went to three prostitutes to heal my sorrows. I wasn't drunk and when we got to the hotel I realised they were men so I decided to kick them out.”
Ronie couldn’t even use the old Beer Goggles excuse
“Certainly it wasn’t his finest hour, but I am not going to judge people’s private lives.”
Carlo Ancelotti assumes the transsexual prostitute story won’t be part of the official Ronaldo biography
“They are referring to this as a third Scudetto? They say that you either have class or you don’t. I think that you should try and avoid using words that could offend others.”
Clarence Seedorf won’t let his children listen to Inter Press Conferences, lest they pick up bad habits
“On the other hand, the greatest thing for us and our fans would be to win the Scudetto in the derby in front of a stadium full of Milan fans. As an added bonus, stopping them from entering the Champions League.”
Sinisa Mihajlovic has really embraced the idea of fair play and reducing tension on the field
“Mind you, as when he was a player, you never know what to expect from Mancio. That resignation after the Liverpool game was a complete shock. He’d been in the locker room and hadn’t said anything about it, so we were all rather stunned.”
Mihajlovic saw that announcement as a backheel flick, though it later turned out he was actually trying to trap the ball
“It would be every Interista’s dream to win the Scudetto in the derby. As a bonus we’d stop Milan from reaching the Champions League. They’ll fight until the end, but I hope they don’t make it.”
Marco Materazzi really was asking for trouble with this sort of pre-match comment
“I thrive under pressure. These are the games that you dream of.”
Patrick Vieira’s derby was more of a nightmare after he gave away the ball for the winning Milan goal
“Milan fans stop me in the street and tell me we need to win this game, but Inter fans also stop me and tell me not to do anything stupid.”
Kaka kept both promises
“To win the Scudetto in the derby would be the icing on the cake.”
Hernan Crespo had to make do with a biscuit instead
“I don’t know if this derby is like a Champions League Final because I have never played in a game of that kind, but it will certainly be a bit of a different match.”
With Inter’s record in that competition, Julio Cesar isn’t likely to find out anytime soon
“Mourinho has bought a house in Monza? Why hasn’t he bought one in the centre? If I had his money that’s what I would have done.”
Julio Cesar cannot advise the Special One on tactics, but he can give tips on real estate
“I have always been doubtful over his signing, but now I am even less convinced that Milan really need Ronaldinho.”
Yes, that is the same Silvio Berlusconi who has spent the last two years publicly announcing how much he wants to sign Ronaldinho
“There can be some tension, but the important thing is to show fair play and that is what we did tonight.”
Inter captain Javier Zanetti hails his side’s sportsmanship after seeing Materazzi and Mancini sent off, plus Julio Cruz escape a red card for punching Aleksander Kolarov in an off the ball incident
“The team that chose not to play football was rewarded.”
Cesare Prandelli offers to challenge Rangers at Monopoly next time. He already knows they won’t play Risk…
“Fiorentina should have taken more risks in Glasgow, when Rangers were decimated by injuries and bans. They didn’t do enough to win.”
If Fiorentina didn’t do enough to win, Lorenzo Amoruso, then what did Rangers do???
“The club showed outstanding hospitality to thousands of Rangers supporters, including many without tickets, by making food, entertainment and public viewing of the match available outside the Stadio Franchi.”
Michel Platini thanks Fiorentina for entertaining the supporters, at least the ones who weren’t watching the UEFA Cup semi-final
“I met Materazzi one evening in a bar in Perugia when I was very young. There was a bouncer causing trouble and he helped me because he was a little older.”
Gennaro Gattuso thanks Matrix for smuggling him in disguised as a particularly furry toddler
“Who would I bring to Inter from the Milan side? It would be too easy to say Kaka, but I would say Gattuso.”
Materazzi just wants another Italian to talk to
“I am proud that Inter are after me because it’s not often that they court an Italian player.”
Tomas Locatelli’s blonde hair and blue eyes might’ve confused the Nerazzurri
“He must not be afraid of anything! He has to play the way he knows how. Then if there is a problem after the final whistle, he just has to come near me, nobody will touch him. That is for sure.”
Mihajlovic offers to protect the 1.88m tall, 80kg, 17-year-old man mountain Mario Balotelli
“Being a Juventus player means you cannot ever be satisfied.”
Claudio Ranieri – the best a man can’t get
“Our strength has always been cleaning our dirty laundry in private.”
Delio Rossi, the housewife’s favourite
“If the club believes in its tactician, then there is no need to wait for the next result or qualification for the Coppa Italia. It’s like between husband and wife – if you think she’s cheating on you, then you leave first.”
Rossi refuses to attend counselling with Claudio Lotito
“We have spoken to Alessio Secco and we have stated that Palermo isn’t a feeder club for Juve.”
Rosanero President Maurizio Zamparini wipes the balsamic vinegar off Bosko Jankovic
“Obviously I am referring to my spell at Torino that just finished. I would describe is as a missed penalty.”
Walter Novellino might also call it an own goal in the last minute when you were leading 1-0 in the World Cup Final
“We are all up to date with his opinions and know it’s time for us all to take our own approach.”
Parma defender Giulio Falcone diplomatically confirms he got the memo when President Tommaso Ghirardi said they’d join him “in the Hell of Serie B”
“I wish to point out that Sergio Almiron has received several offers from clubs that will be in the Champions League next season.”
Agent Claudio Vagheggi will be proud to see the former Juve flop on Europe’s top benches
“I have never hidden the fact I support them. After all, my entire family are Roma fans and it is part of my DNA.”
Claudio Bellucci bleeds red and yellow
“Raffaele Palladino doesn’t want to come to Palermo. He’s a bit like everyone else who doesn’t know the place and its beauty.”
But he has probably heard of you, Zamparini…
“Physically I am much better and when I can I’ll resume playing tennis, too.”
That’s where Francesco Totti practises his lob
“I want to win and would love Daniele Portanova to score a goal. I know he is a Lazio supporter, but he owes me one…”
Oh what a tangled web Siena general manager (and Roma fan) Giovanni Lombardi Stronati weaves ahead of the clash with Inter
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