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Nappy days are here again
With the arrival of baby Dylan only two days before the Grand final, I once again had to step into Geoff's shoes as captain. Luckily, Andy Cross was again available to join the team at short notice and proved to be a valuable addition.
It now seems a long time since I sent off our Scrapheap entry form. At the time, I made a remark that the only thing we wanted was to tackle the Cat-alysts. I certainly didn't think we would ever get that far.
The hotel was in the grip of Euro 2004 fever and it was difficult to find a quiet spot to chat to our expert, Mark Haile, an engineer from Hereford. He took no prisoners and it looked like it was going to be fun working with him.
We then met Cat-alysts Garry, Tim and Shane who furnished us with Jaguar hats. It was unnerving to think these chaps had won the Grand final three times.
Build day one
Another early morning bus ride to the heap, this was the third week in a row for us and it was beginning to feel like the norm. We all wondered what was in store for us but breakfast came first. Standing in front of the totem pole, Robert and Lisa gave us our instructions. We all cheered when we heard we were basically building a tractor puller.
Our expert, Mark, informed us that he came from a haulage background and we all agreed that given that Andy has a huge amount of experience in the same field, we ought to base our creation on a lorry.
Lyndon and Andy sped off to scavenge and soon came across a tractor unit from an articulated lorry. It was very well buried, so Mark and I could only sit and wait. The clock ticked by and we still had nothing to work on. The unit had a couple of cars on top and they were having trouble getting them off.
Andy got it running but it kept cutting out and they had to rig up a fuel supply and bypass the original fuel system, which all took time. It also had two flat tyres. Mark and I were allowed out on to the heap to help. With four of us working, it still took a long time to extract but eventually Mark was able to drive it into our build area.
There was little room to spare in the build area but Lyndon and Andy kept piling in materials. They were really working hard and coming up with some great stuff. Everything needed to be heavy duty and it was tiring work. It was soon clear that everyone was really enjoying this build. Even Andy who was covered from head to toe in the oily black mess that you can only find under a lorry.
At the close of play on day one we had the back of the build broken, there were still some fundamental parts missing but it was really taking shape. A few beers ensured a good night's sleep before we returned to the heap.
Build day two
The luxury of a two-day build. Well, hardly.
Lyndon and Andy were instructed that they had to find our most important parts … the tyres. And they did not let us down. Throughout the morning, they piled an endless supply of large wheels and tyres into the build area. Much to the annoyance of the Cat-alysts.
Lyndon and Andy's tyre-finding skills were just too good for them. But we did agree that once we had chosen which tyres to use, we would offer the rest to the Cats.
Mark set to work trying to give our already powerful engine a bit more go while Lyndon kept reminding him what a mess the Barley Pickers made of the same job in Scrappy Races.
We did not need to worry and the resultant plumes of smoke and the roar from the six-cylinder turbo engine was a joy to behold. When he had finished, a quick blip on the throttle made the whole build area shake.
After finding every available wheel and tyre on the heap, Lyndon and Andy went looking for ballast tanks. Again they did the business, scavenging 12 barrels which would give us just under two and a half tons of adjustable ballast.
With a nice set of tractor tyres on the back of the lorry, it really started to look the part. For the first time on Scrapheap, we had confidence in our machine and that made me edgy. In three of the four previous rounds, we had felt we were up against superior machines and I just hoped this was not a bad omen.
Right before we headed for bed, the crew and our expert told us that when they loaded the lorry on to the low loader ready for test day, the clutch had failed. A combination of the extra power and the huge tyres had taken its toll, they said.
We decided to get up extra early in the morning and fit a new clutch during the extended tinker time. Not an easy job in the middle of a field but Andy had done plenty in his time and was well up for it.
Even so, it was with a lot of relief and a little amusement when Mark told us the clutch was fine and he had been winding us up. It seems to be the done thing to wind up the teams during a Grand final.
Baby torque
Tinker time was spent balancing our tyres with water and giving the whole thing a coat of Kelly Green.
We decided to pay our respects to the other teams and the experts who had helped us reach the Scrapheap Grand final and enlisted talented artist Naomi Carter to scribe their names on the side of the juggernaut.
On the other side, we put the names of our kids including, of course, baby Dylan. It appears that by getting to the final of Scrapheap, you become a god among primary school children. A frightening thought, as I have to do the school run tomorrow.
Round one
Winning the toss, Garry from the Cats decided that we would go first.
We fill eight of our ballast tanks with water and pull up to the line. Just as we are ready, I see our real captain Geoff has turned up to watch with Dylan.
The tree trunk is chained to the back of the lorry and the flag drops, with Mark at the wheel it pulls effortlessly to the end of the track. A good feeling to know that our hard graft has paid off and it actually works.
We sit back on a straw throne to watch the Cats, who make the end of the track with ease.
Round two
Now the stakes are higher. This time, we have three trunks on the back. Again it pulls it and Mark even shows off by changing gear half way down the track. But it makes a loud bang from the back as he does this and we have to tell him not to do it next time.
Back on the straw throne, we watch the Cats line up for the start. They make 10 metres up the track before loosing traction and expert Richard decides to go for broke … literally.
A huge cloud of smoke from the exhaust is followed by a bang from the transmission and it is all over.
Somewhat stunned, we are asked to show what our lorry will pull. A huge pile of trunks is prepared and we fill all our tanks with water. Someone said we had over 10 tons behind us.
With a roar from the engine, the front came up in the air and we pulled it down the track. The truck crossed the finish line but lost all traction just before the logs came through. We did a good job of burying the back axle in the field.
So it is with thanks to: The Hoselliers, Maximus, Up 'n Atoms, Hairy Hogs and Cat-alysts.
And thanks to our experts: Paul Foley, Rob Austin, Paul Denney, Nick 'Rhino' Boyland and Mark Haile.
See you next year.
Marc Draper