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TEXT ONLY | CREDITS | APPLY FOR SCRAPHEAP 2005 | |||||||||||||
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| DON'T MISS SCRAPHEAP ON CHANNEL 4 EVERY SUNDAY, 6.30PM |  |
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Bowling Bangers | |
Result | |
Rebels' diary | |
Atoms' diary | |
Science | |
Related links | |
All challenges | |
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Up 'n Atoms' diary
After some trouble following RDF's directions, we eventually found the heap and were rushed into the green room to get our overalls on so we could do our 'mood shots' through the smoke for the introduction. As we were leaving to go back to the hotel, we met our opposition. We knew who some of the other teams would be: a bunch of guys from off-shore, some scientists from Scotland and a team of female Royal Electrical and Mechanical Engineers (REME). The ones we didn't want to be facing were the engineers, not because they were female and we'd cop loads of flak if we lost but because they were army engineers, hard as nails and used to doing this sort of stuff for a living. Compared to us, they would know what they were talking about. So who stepped out of the car just as we left? Three girls, Gina, Mandy and Claire. Bugger. Later, we met our expert, Graham, along with Pete, the girls' helper. We had seen from previous years' diaries that they tried to get info out of the expert, but we said from the outset that we were not interested in what they did or what we had to do the next day. We thought it would make it harder for them to enjoy themselves if they were constantly on their guard for questions. We then had a meeting with the series producer and REME Rebel Gina turned up with a pair of 'who's your daddy'-sized fake breasts on. Mandy, also a Rebel, had a great set of false teeth on. We knew this was going to be a laugh … Build day We arrived at the heap at about 6.45 and had to go straight to the green room to get our overalls and microphones put on. The weather forecast for the day was thoroughly miserable: rain, rain and maybe some more rain. We asked about waterproofs but were told they had to be worn under our overalls. After breakfast, we were then taken into the yard to film the bit where Robert and Lisa announce what is happening in a cryptic way. We re-filmed this bit with the run back to our individual yards three times and each time the expression on our faces got blanker. You want us to build what? A bowling ball? Giant skittles? Graham then came into his own and to our rescue. The night before he'd been just one of the guys having a beer. The moment the challenge was announced, he grew before us into the font of all knowledge. He told us he designed and built gyroscopic fairground rides. Even now, I can't explain the idea and what was required clearly. I know what we built and how we built it, but if you ask me to explain it … no chance. OK, I'll give it a try. The task was to go 10-pin bowling with a monster 'ball'. Whatever powered the 'ball' had to be within it as it crossed the foul line. Graham came up with the idea of welding a car into a large hamster cage with the bottom cut off, the car would drive down the alley, and at the foul line the driver would hit the brakes and a counter weight would throw the car over, a 'mechanism' would click into place completing the circle and send the car rolling down the alley at the skittles. Simple, eh? We then set out what was required:
A good start Graham and I started getting the tools out and discussing what was going to be done. Sorry, I should re-phrase that: we started getting the tools out and I pretended I knew what we were talking about. Not long after, David and Jimmy brought the car in, a little Fiat 126 that would soon become the world's greatest Noddy car. David then went back out to look for steel to make the two rings. We set about the car and Jimmy broke the steering lock off and got the car started. We'd only been going an hour and we already had a working car. David then brought back loads of steel of different sizes. I then had to make a command decision and poor old David got the short straw but did it without any complaints. He had to take all 20m of box steel and cut it almost through every 4cm with a circular saw. This was to make it flexible so we could get our radius to make the rings. After 10 minutes of not being able to think with David at it with the circular saw, we sent him and the saw out into the yard. We then had to think about cutting the car down to size. I cut the roof off and Jimmy and Graham cut the middle section out, then welded the two halves of it back together again. We then stopped for lunch and went through to the other side to eat with the girls. They had nothing except a few bits of metal and an old moped. Our Noddy car was almost ready to go and David was going great guns with the rings: maybe we could beat them? 'The wander' The afternoon disappeared in a blur. The car was welded back together but the gears, brake and clutch assembly started taking up too much time to put back together. The rings then started to take up time, my welding proved rubbish, Graham said it looked similar to bird poo, so he had to start welding instead. This took him away from the car. It was about this time we coined an expression which shall be henceforth known as 'the wander'. This phenomenon comes about when you have a camera sticking in your face, you're getting tired, everyone else is busy and you have suddenly finished your job. You then wander from one spot, stop, think 'what am I doing?' and wander back, all the time trying not to appear as though you have nothing to do or are being lazy. By this point, Graham had saved me and we were all following his lead as he was the man in the know. What did three technical engineers from a nuclear research installation know about building bowling-ball cars anyway? David then finished the cutting of the rings, did his 'wander', then stepped up to the fore. With half an hour's welding experience under his belt, he started welding like he was born for it. The rings were coming together – was it possible it might actually work? I had marked a template arc on the bench, Graham then welded the first one and David just welded the next one on top of it and so on. At this point, I have no idea what went on. All I remember is grinding, cutting, gas axing and then all of us standing holding bits in place as Graham and Jimmy went round welding it all together. And through it all was this one little voice in the back of our heads that kept going 'Teams, you have three hours, two hours, one hour, time's up'. Bugger. We'd done it. We'd made a car welded to a hamster cage. With a bit more work in tinkering time, securing the welds and getting the roll-mechanism latch to work, we'd be ready to race. I can honestly say I have never been so tired. Race day We left the hotel at 6.30 to go to an airfield near Banbury. There, we were greeted by our contraptions. Also, after another evening of shandies with the other team, experts, judge and one or two of the crew, the catering van was there. Oh the joy. Please remember, we do not live in the UK, we do not have access to normal bread. Bacon is a luxury that has to be brought out when relatives visit and HP sauce … oh, the sheer bliss of it all. To top it all it was promising to be a cracking day, the weather was great. The girls went first but had problems starting their instrument of torture, now suitably bedecked with the REME flag. Their torture device drove up to the foul line and continued straight on, coming to a screeching halt just before the pins. Claire couldn't get the mechanism to make it roll. On their second attempt, they drove up to the line, metal screeching again, over the foul line but out of control. Claire drove straight through the skittles. Their third attempt, after a bit of tinkering to try and get the mechanism to work, ended the same as the first. But what about us? With Jimmy at the wheel (he was the only one who could fit in the car), we decided to drive from where the car had been 'tinkered' with up to the start line. On our first attempt, the car started and pulled away perfectly with no problems, which was amazing after all the work that had been done and the fact that it had a hamster cage on its back. Jimmy was under orders for the first run to take it easy. This thing was built by a load of bodgers and designed on the back of a cigarette packet … in theory, it was doomed. Hitting the pins Jimmy pulled away from the line and hit the brakes as he approached the foul line. The car stopped, started to roll as the counterweight took over and then sat back down on its wheels. More speed was needed but we knew it was almost perfectly balanced. He took a longer run up on the second attempt and as he approached the line, he slammed on the brakes and the car started to roll, the 'mechanism' kicked in completing the circle and the car was nose down to the ground but it just rolled back and sat there. But we knew the 'mechanism' worked. We called the fire brigade boys in and filled the variable counterweight with water and gave Jimmy the order to gun it on the last run, it was all or nothing. With an even longer run up, water streaming from the counterweight, Jimmy accelerated towards the line. Getting to around 30(ish)mph, he slammed on the brakes at the line and the car flipped, the 'mechanism' kicked in, the counterweight rolled over, and it was off! Dead on the one pin, ploughing through the pins to a stop and then rolled on to its side taking even more pins out. We'd won with seven pins on the last run. That, as they say, was that. We were through to the next round. Thanks to the opposition, they were a great laugh and made the whole thing a lot more enjoyable. To the guys behind the scenes – Hadrian, Gem and Zimmer, we literally couldn't have done it without you. Thanks to Sandy for being an honest gentleman and saving the week for us and thanks to Naomi, Marie and Megan for everything you did to get the bag back for us. Ali Day |
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