The transatlantic world war of welding

The planet's best Scrapheap teams gather to compete for the title of world bodging champions. This deciding bout is based on a brawny challenge – to crush a car flat. The American team, the Long Brothers, are three siblings from a farm in Pennsylvania. Brian, Terry and Greg have won through to become the winners of Junkyard Wars, the US version of Scrapheap. They are pitched against the Megalomaniacs, the all-conquering bikers from the Midlands comprising Daz and Kev and lead by their bald captain, the charismatic Nosher.

Spiffing ironmongery
The Megs' expert Steve suggests strong and 'simple' hydraulics as the way to go with this challenge. Their spiffingly sophisticated scheme means that they will have to split into two teams of bodgers, one concentrating on the hydraulics and the other building the infrastructure. Nosh and Daz will do the heavyweight ironmongery while Steve and Kev will sort out those tricky rams.

Their plan is to build a platform that is pushed down by two rams to flatten the car underneath. To pull off this audacious conceit, they need a beefy motor to power a hydraulic pump. Scrapheap aficionados will know that the two previous attempts to utilise hydraulic power – the Chaos Crew's muncher in Demolition in this year's series and the Bodgers' Walking Machine in the Series 2 final – have resulted in ignominious defeat. Hopefully our boys in the blue boilersuits won't be blighted by the same bad luck.

Downsizing and stripping
Long Brothers' expert James proposes a simpler solution to the challenge: a giant sledgehammer. The Brothers need a truck on to which they will build an A-frame winch that will take the weight of the hammer in front. Unfortunately the truck they find doesn't run, so they will have to push it themselves to alter the position of the hammer's blows. They will also need a second vehicle to drive the winch.

The Megs also need a vehicle to drive their hydraulics. Early on, they decide to use a Land Rover. It doesn't start either, but they are confident that, with a decent battery installed, it will be just the ticket. The great Scrapheap hunt for that international currency of bodging, the working battery, gets under way. Robert is impressed that, having learned from the mistakes of previous teams, the Megs have decided to get their vehicle going before doing any further work. They do indeed get it going, and then it's time for some automotive downsizing as all extraneous parts are gleefully stripped away.

Long Brothers Greg and Terry decide that the other vehicle they need to run their winch is a battered blue Mini. Even though the one they find has only two wheels, they still manage to drive it through the heap and into the work area.

Scrapheap x big = good + fun
Both teams decide that they like a challenge. According to the Brothers Long, weight for once is not a consideration, at least in terms of keeping it down. Big, brutish machines such as these are apparently also 'well within the realm of the Megs', according to Nosher.

The vital components for the Megs' hydraulic squasher are all found in quick succession by super-scavenger Kev. He hauls the rams off a skip lorry, slickly pries the control system off an oil tank and lifts the pump from a forklift truck.

Brian, meanwhile, is annoyed with his team for becoming 'too fancy'. He is very conscious of time passing and wants them to keep their engineering to the basic essentials. With four hours to go, the Longs have amassed a large heavy metal collection and a butchered Mini hoisted on to the back of a flatbed. The Megs have a metal gallows powered by the hydraulically converted Land Rover.

Propaganda wars
Not one who generally lacks in confidence, Nosher climbs aboard the fledgling car squasher to taunt the American opposition at every opportunity. His cool is about to be sorely tested, however. Kev realises that the engine on their Land Rover turns in the opposite direction to their pump. Unless they can come up with a miracle fix, they will be forced to use only reverse gear to power the rams, rather than the variable speed control that using forward gears would have afforded them. They soon discover that this feat is beyond even the powers of the mighty Megs in the time left to them.

The Longs, meanwhile, have a go at their own propaganda war against the Brits. They attach the Stars and Stripes to the top of their insanely large A-frame and raise it high in the air. Despite having been slightly disconcerted when the Megs got their vehicle running so early in the day, they have come up with one of the most monstrous machines yet seen on the programme.

Enough welly
To raise the heavy hammer with the winch they have built, the Long Brothers strip off the brake from one of the Mini's wheels. Their plan is that, when they apply the brakes to the running axle, the freed wheel will be receiving all the power the engine has to offer, thus giving it enough welly to lift their giant hammer.

To prevent the whole affair from tipping up when the hammer is airborne, they decide to chop off the rear axle of the truck and move it further towards the centre of gravity. Their shared heritage of mending farm machines has given them the engineering confidence to attempt such minor adjustments.

Flawless game plans
For once, the judge, Jon Kneen, isn't asked to pick his favourite to win. This is just as well as he hails from America and could be accused of partisanship. Diplomatically, he is full of praise for both teams' approaches. He is a bit wary of the slightly spindly looking framework on the Megs' squasher, but assumes that they have given this aspect a bit of thought. Knowing the Megs, Cathy tells him not to be so sure.

With an hour to go, the Megs test their hydraulic systems – they are malfunctioning. Similarly, when the Long Brothers test their winch with the heavy hammerhead in place, the cable jams. Ironing out their respective problems, the teams decide to have a practice run before the big day. The Megs apply tons of pressure to crush a single drinks can flat, while the Longs offer up a much more substantial lawnmower as sacrifice to their great hammer. For once, there is no last-minute panic on either side. These two teams are the consummate professionals of the Scrapheap world and have worked to almost flawless game plans.

Cheeky crusher, happy hammerer
Test day tinkering sees the Long Brothers shorten their hammer arm and the Megalomaniacs sort out their safety regime. Then, as a prelude to this international challenge, the teams sing their national anthems.

Both Megs and Longs get off to a flying start with both sets of engines starting first time, with the two VW Golfs waiting like sacrificial lambs. Somewhat unexpectedly, first crunch goes to the slower Megs' machine, but as the hammering begins, captain Brian Long can't stop grinning.

The teams make equal progress, the Megs slow and steady, the Longs fast and furious. Their different approaches to the task both seem to be paying off. The Long Brothers raise their hammer too far for the A-frame and it gets stuck at the top. Some heavy prying sets it free but then their mono brake system overheats. This could be the chance the Megs had been waiting for, but before long, the Pennsylvania Pounder is back in action. The Megs and the Longs battle it out for ultimate supremacy to the strains of 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'.

Carry on crushing
The Megs' machine has reached the extent of its tolerances on the current setting. The whole crossbar supporting the hydraulic rams must be lowered to allow the rams a greater reach if their Golf is to be crushed further still. Half way through the contest, the teams are still more or less equal and have had about the same amount of stoppage time.

The Longs seem to reach an impasse, however, as they bang away fruitlessly at the bulkhead separating the passenger area from the engine – one of the strongest parts of the car's chassis. The Megs have no problems with their car's bulkhead, but as they push down ever harder, the pressure on their machine grows. In true British 'can do' spirit, and even though their frame is starting to bend, the Megs carry on crushing.

Persistence pays off for the Longs, though. With five minutes to go, they break the back of their bulkhead to take the lead. By now the Megs' crossbeam is badly buckled and they just can't get up enough power.

Off to the New World
'Time!' is called and the final results come in. The Megs have managed to crush their saloon to a respectable 57 centimetres (22.4 inches) from ground level, while the Long Brothers have pounded their jalopy to an astounding 31cm (12.2in).

So the Scrapheap International Challenge cup wings its way across the Atlantic. Will a British team ever reclaim it? We'll just have to wait and see!

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