This competition becomes a battle of the ages: medieval versus modern.

The battering ram

The Beach Boys opt for the low-tech approach – a battering ram. For the base, they employ the carcass of an orange camper van. The first major problem is removing its roof. The answer: a length of chain and the quad bike. Robert and Cathy look on in horror as the boys maul the ex-pride and joy of an anonymous caravan fan – the roof comes flying off in one go!

On the camper van base, they erect a couple of steel A-frames to support the ram itself. For this, they scavenge an old metal gas pipe and, to give it weight and strength, wrap it in chain.

The benefit of their approach is that there are few moving parts and so, in theory at least, less to go wrong. It is also a relatively simple build from an engineering point of view, and accordingly they are the only team so far in the history of Scrapheap Challenge to finish before time is called!

This is countered by the fact that the solution Chris and the boys have come up with derives all its bashing might from them – that is, it is human-powered. For pure brawn, the burly team next door outclasses them.

Jamie – who previously invented The Drum, a mechanical surfing apparatus made from a washing machine – adds the crucial aiming device that allows the ram to be adjusted left or right without moving the camper van underneath. However, Chris has some reservations about the quality of his own welding …

The mechanical monster

In Spike, the Chaos Crew have a secret weapon – they call him the 'Fastest Welder in the West' and he may just be the best welder ever to appear on the programme. Spike is your typical 'white van man' and, appropriately, the team opt for a Transit as the base of their marvellous mechanical monster. What they intend to do is build a mini JCB in a day. This is, of course, no mean feat. It actually involves two distinct builds, which the Chaos Crew amazingly manage to pull together in the nick of time.

The first part is the heavy engineering - creating the arm itself. Some seriously weighty metal is scavenged, and after some hard graft and one potentially disastrous fire on set, it is finally ready to be married to its hydraulic operating system.

This is the second part of the Chaos Crew's plan and is where brainpower meets brawn. Hydraulics, which is a powerful but extremely complex solution (see Scrapheap science), have always put the fear of Robert into most Scrapheap teams. Here, the plan is to use the complicated pressure-tight system to demolish the course with pinpoint accuracy.

The Crew manage to purloin the pump, levers and rams from an old army trench digger on the heap, and so set to work on their brave quest for engineering nirvana. Their approach is not without drama, however. With just minutes to go, they test their monster and nothing happens. With time running out, they bleed the mechanism and roust an air lock. As the monster lurches to life and heads straight towards Robert, he is heard to remark: 'That's the scariest thing that's ever happened to me!'

The Chaos Crew are determined to fare better with their hydraulics than the ill-fated Bodgers in last year's walking machine final. But if wishes were horses …

The showdown

The imposing bulk of the Norwich power station looms over the teams as they line up at the start of the race. There's still time for a little horse play: Jamie of the Beach Boys allows himself to be picked up by the jaws of the Chaos Crew's metal monster and poses for the cameras.

Soon the race is under way. Each team has to tackle three structures: a set of garages, a pump house and a blast wall. The first machine to 'eat' its half of a structure gets to race to the second and so on to the finish.

The Beach Boys don't make much of an impression on the garages at first. As the Chaos Crew arrive, their hulking beast takes a giant bite out of the wall and it looks like they'll make mincemeat of the ram. After a few more bites, however, disaster strikes: a weld holding the support for the munching arm gives way and the arm comes crashing down on top of the machine, destroying a camera in the process. With the renowned Spike on the job, this is the last thing anyone expects to fail. It's all hands on deck with the welder as the Chaos Crew try to claw back the lead.

Meanwhile, the Beach Boys have finished with the garages and moved on to the second target – the pump house. By now, they have a rhythm going and have set to work in earnest. Just as the Chaos Crew finish their repairs and it looks as if they could catch up, a second disaster strikes: the Transit's radiator is holed. If it is to run at anything like full power, Cathy must help by lugging over a traffic cone full of water, which she gradually pours into the radiator.

The metal muncher is limping badly now. As the Chaos Crew finally demolish the pump house and round the corner to the blast wall, they find to their horror that the Beach Boys are almost done.

In the end, it is the Beach Boys who take the trophy, but only by the skin of their teeth. Had their welding stood up to the hype, the Chaos Crew would have been invincible.

KISS
Later in the series, we will meet the NERDS, an American team whose Scrapheap rationale is: KISS – Keep It Simple, Stupid. It looks as if their acronym suits this first show of the new series, too, with the medieval triumphing over the modern.

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