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Steel Survivor slams down |
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Lining up for Pitball |
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Octopush makes a dribbling run |
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Marabunta scores |
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And they're off ... Octopush takes an early lead |
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Marabunta takes a tumble |
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Octopush flies through a jump |
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Battle to the death: two heavyweights slug it out in Sumo. |
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Gold for the UK's Octopush. Rule Britannia and God Save the Queen! |
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Final - winner: Aquaholics (Octopush)
UK'S AQUAHOLICS NOT SO ANONYMOUS ANYMORE
by F. M. Seymour
A whacking line up for the final with a tank from Quebec, an eight-wheel UFO from the UK and an armoured scorpion from Chile.
"We'd love a game with lots of mud - that's what Steel Survivor is designed for," said Québécois Christian before the final. FMC answered their prayers by introducing Grand International - an off-road steeple chase for mutant vehicles. Octopush raced into the lead but became immobilized in a watery grave. It was a sitting target for the Chilean Marabunta, which came flying into its engine. "You can't brake when you're flying," observed Chilean driver Nestor. Marabunta was out for the count; Steel Survivor took first place, leaving Octopush terminally stuck in the mud.
"Pitball is mainly down to luck," said Snowdigger Benoit. Well, the diggers definitely didn't have any - they finished last after losing one of their tracks. "We're really worried about having to face Roller Coaster," added Snowdigger Christian. "Steel Survivor has a tendency to skid off. We'd probably come last."
Again, FMC gave them what they asked for! After their catastrophic heat run, this could only mean au revoir for the French Canadians. But Christian finished Roller Coaster in 1:44 with only one tiddly time penalty. The Chileans were nippier, but collected more penalties, which meant a bronze medal for them. Now let's Sumo!
"We've filled our tyres with a special weld. If we're punctured, the air rushing out of the tyre forces the goo into the hole, which then seals it," said Aquaholic Tony. That's one weakness sorted for the Aquaholics. What about the Snowdiggers? "We're worried about losing a track in Sumo, but we're pretty sure Benoit will get it back on," said Christian. In Sumo it's the flaws that count, and clever carnivore Octopush kept bashing into Steel Survivor's track until Benoit had to give up. Gold for the UK's Octopush. Rule Britannia and God Save the Queen!
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Previous reports
Semi-final 3: Soldier ant takes a bite out of Thor
Semi-final 2: Walk in the park for Snowdiggers
Semi-final 1: Aussie ladies bashed by British brutes
Preliminary 9: Shopping trolley bites off weakest link
Preliminary 8: Dorset Aquaholics outclass superpowers
Preliminary 7: Vikings knock out dead Monkey
Preliminary 6: Quebec flag high after transatlantic Sumo
Preliminary 5: Return of the Body Snatchers
Preliminary 4: Full Metal happy families
Preliminary 3: Girl power kicks the boys' butts!
Preliminary 2: American dream machine
Preliminary 1: Chileans bust their chops!
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