The Homecoming

Comments

1. Dear Rachael, watched your program in May, The Homecoming, it was great to see and very sad. I know what you went through because I too was in a home for 5yrs pushed to different homes, and split up from my brother. It has affected me but life goes on. I did retrieve my records one and half years ago, and was very shocked about what the home said of me, and my brother. I had alot of unanswered questions that I had to find out that was in my head. I don't regret getting my files. it took me ages, and plenty of patience and telephone calls to get the ball rolling, but got there in the end. It felt strange that this thick file in a Brown envelope was all about myself and of my brother too. five years of living in different homes. I had good and bad experiences, but was not able to be fostered out. I always felt that I don't belong. age 51yrs old now and have to push it to the back of my head and get on with life. I know that it would have been worse if I stayed at home. When ever I read this website, and read different articals of it, makes me realise I'm not the only one, I feel for all of you. Thanks once again Rachael for enlightening us with the programm, that I experienced too.I had a good cry, and touched by comments from people of the same experience.

   Posted by Barbara on 12/08/2009 00:21:11

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2. When I watched the programm on channel 4, I was very chocked up and felt deeply for you has I have been there myself. I was too in care from age 10yrs old up to 15yrs. To and fro different places and when meet people,befor you had time get to know them they leave. The carers that look after you, they are not allow to show you affection.

   Posted by Barbie. on 24/07/2009 11:07:34

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3. An excellent programme, Rachel and the producers are to be commended. I spent many years in various childrens homes of which I too had positive feelings, but the sadness of not growing up in a family unit cannot be emphasised enough. I also was in a home with two half brothers, but they were separated away from me. I always felt that they had each other, but I was very much alone. Having seen a programme on Barnardo's and the ability to get copies of your files, I also sought out my papers giving background and I remember it being one of the most emotional moments of my life. The Social Worker that sought out my papers did some additional digging and turned up other episodes of being in care, which I had no recollection of. I think it was that that I found so upsetting. I think I cried from the beginning to the end of the programme, but please take it as positive, because it was dealt with so tenderly, and at the age of 53 I found myself very much resorting back to a 5 year old, the age I was when I first went into care. Hopefully there will be follow up programmes or a website that we can converse with Rachel. Thank you so much again Channel 4 - well done. Janet

   Posted by Janet on 24/07/2009 10:40:42

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4. Hi Carol, The Care Leavers' Association - http://www.careleavers.org/ - offers information, advice and support around a range of issues which affect people who have lived in care, including information on accessing your records. More contact details on the association can be found on the Help & Support page above... why not get in touch with them, and they should be able to help you.

   Posted by C4 Online Producer on 22/07/2009 10:50:00

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5. Dear Rachael, I was in a childrens home in Birmingham West Midlands from the age of 2 until I was 15, then went into various foster homes and hostels.The only things I left the care system with is 3 photographs and my birth certificate. I did not realise I could access my records and I would be very grateful if you or someone you know could point me in the right direction to gain access to my files please?All I was ever told when I asked why I was there was it was a court order.I would dearly like to see my files if only to fill in the missing gaps.I enjoyed watching your programme, although it bought a lump to my throat a few times and I would dearly love to get information as you did.I am so happy that the care system has improved since I was in care (I am now 58yrs old)and I feel that having more knowledge about myself and my family will help me to have some kind of understanding as to why it happened, as it affects the whole of the rest of your life, it does not end once you are out of the system as I know you know. Thank you for reading this, and as I said I would be very grateful for any help and advice regards tracing my records. Thank you, Carol

   Posted by Carol on 20/07/2009 09:22:04

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6. Just want to say thanks.

   Posted by Pete Ash was Crowe on 19/07/2009 23:59:12

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7. Rachel i have just watched your programme it got me thinking into finding the people i was in care with in the early 90s.I found your programme very emotional thank you for an insight into your time in care. most of my time was happy but some of it was horrible i ended up with the most amazing foster mum that anyone could ever meet. I have got my records from when i was incare but i do not feel ready to read them yet, it didnt take me long to get my records it was quite easy and straight forward.

   Posted by Eve Ball on 19/07/2009 23:26:34

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8. i was in care as a baby in scotland and then in spurgeons childrens home in kent. i was adopted when i was 3 and then spent 15months in a disturbed childrens unit when i was 15. i don't know if i was officially in care at this time. i want to know how i can get hold of my social services file. can anyone help. with thanks lynda

   Posted by lynda on 29/05/2009 01:18:44

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9. I was in care in the 70s, from 1974-1979, in a foster home and two childrens homes and whilst some parts were ok, the abuse i suffered from the other kids was the worst part, especially when it was reported and not investigated!! I was eventually returned to my Mother, although she did not really want me back as i was a hinderance to her new life, and a reminder of her life past, i wished i had been adopted like my younger brother, or remained in care. I have traced my brother who was with me in care until his adoption in 1978, and i have got my 'file' however it is incomplete, and an absolute mess to wade through. All through my life i have felt an out-sider, as i was not allowed to mention that i was 'in-care', My Mother moved home and my school so as to make sure of a 'clean' break as she put it, i was not allowed to mention my little brother who was adopted, I have been in and out of counselling, on and off anti-depressants, and i am still trying to find answers and come to terms with what happened, why it happened, and how it was allowed to happen, especially when those who are meant to be protecting you, are so obviously failing in their duty. I am glad however that Rachel had a positive experience, it makes a change to hear that some people had a happy time. Any ideas on how i can get a 'complete' file on myself from when i was in care???? As it was shown in the programme that Rachel had hers, even though other people were mentioned in it, this is why i am not 'allowed' to have mine.

   Posted by Jennifer on 19/05/2009 19:07:16

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10. I watched this programme the other day and it really touched me, as i was in care from the age of 2 to 17 and i really related to everything that it was about, from the caring staff and the bullying kids who have obsessions with belongings etc. It was good to see something positive on tv about childrens homes, just as mine was. I loved my home and the staff, especially 2 of them, as we stayed in touch till this day, though sadly one of them died recently, so for me it was like loosing a mother. I am now 43 years old, when i was about 19 the home closed down, the council sold it to a rich family and i felt like i had nowhere to go as that was my base to go and visit every weekend. Luckily i had stayed in touch with the staff and some of the kids. I remember the great holidays, brilliant christmas's etc. I would like to maybe be a mentor for kids in care as have had a lot of experience of this... where would i start?

    Posted by sandra clarke on 19/05/2009 17:05:32

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11. Glad to read you are printing some of the negative comments and experiences received in 'care' Shame you are vetting what would seem appropriate for people to read. Mine was one you didn't print! Feels like it wasn't important enough....shame old story of a kid in care!

    Posted by Grace on 18/05/2009 10:17:17

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12. I was bought up in care in the 50' and 60's. I would very much like to make contact with Rachel Roberts who did the programme. I have made a success of my life but still find that sometimes I lack something and feel that I am different from everybody else. I qualified as a nurse and for 9 years ran my own nursing home, I am now semi retired having had 4 children and have stayed married to the same man for nearly 37 years. I hope that you can pass on this message to Rachel. many thanks Rosmeary Zirker

    Posted by Rosemary Zirker on 17/05/2009 19:15:57

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13. I found it hard to watch the program as it brings out too many feelings about my life but it made me realise that there is so many of us out there that have gone through the some sort of things as we've got older. The relationship issues, getting into trouble with the police. The one thing I have found thoughout the tast few years is where is the support for us now. My childhood wasn't the best by far. Throughout your life families are alwasy the most important thing but when you don't have that, what else is there?? I'm nearly 40 and just have the support from friends. There seems to be support for young people but what about for us older ones??

    Posted by Paula Bartle on 17/05/2009 12:13:29

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14. I would like to say to Rachel 'well done' I have a lot of respect for you and how you coped with what must have been an extremely emotional journey for you. I am adopted and a lot of what your story uncovered had a lot of parallels with mine. The past is never quite the past when you uncover it, but it helps you put into perceptive a lot of reasons as to why you are who you are. All the very best to you, and I hope the journey you have been on has answered some of 'those questions'!

    Posted by Sarah Grounds on 16/05/2009 20:58:17

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15. I was taken into care in Liverpool when I was about 18 months old. I moved through quite a number of foster and residential homes and can honestly say the care I recieved was awful with only the intermittent good exprience provided by the odd good member of staff or foster carer. As a result I became (to say the least) quite unruly and like so many of my peers, I spent a little time being homeless, joined the navy and then the army and eventually had a spell in prison. When leaving care my educational attainments were zero:- I could read and basically write and that was it. For the main part, I distrusted adults and found the concept of love impossible to grasp. In the residential and some foster homes it was survival of the hardest and from a very early age, having been subjected to regular severe physical abuse, the pain of which I became immune to, I developed a survivalist hardness. It took many years and lots of work for me to become a reasonable human being who fit into society as a less troubled and troubling person. Though there are few who cared for me who probibly deep down planted a seed of goodness in me, much of the help I recieved was from ordinary people who had nothing to do with the care system other than the fact that they just cared. I owe so much to them and sincerely hope that by eventually going to college, getting qualifications, becoming that dreaded thing called a social worker and eventually reaching the level of Assistant Director and most importantly, using my own experiences to try and improve the care system as well as hopefully succeeding in helping at least some young people through offerinng them love warmth, security and protection is rewarding for them. Watching Rachel's programme brought back so many memories for me and while these were in the main negative, I shared with her my appreciation of the good carers in my life. It was an excellent programme:- novel in that it dealt with Rachel's positiveness while also allowing the viewers to see in both Rachel and many of her peers, the hurt and pain as well as damage done by subjecting children and young people to abusive and traumatic expriences of care.The approach taken:- using Rachel's experiences and her desire to learn more about her past (shocking though some of this was for her) as the focus and spreading out to the experiences and feelings of other care survivors is to be commended. I say this because sadly, in general programmes about the experieces of children within the care system though often well intentioned, are the same as those that have been produced over many years. Even the solutions offered to improve things, though perhaps dressed up differently, are always the same. This includes reducing the size of residential homes, taking radical approaches to foster and adoptive care and training residential and field social workers but the problems still remain with us. As an ex user, worker and senior manager within the social work system, I have radical solutions that are more to do with helping, supporting and promoting those who are caring and committed to making care right for the children and young people who need it and not providing so much protection for the staff and managers who clearly fail to properly provide for the needs of this vulnerable group of children who suffer because of the way bad and poor staff are protected. I am sure Rachel and most, if not all those of us who experience the care system would agree with this point given that public care is for the most part, supposed to be about protecting children from being further damaged as a result of the life experiences that have already had.

    Posted by Ben Brown on 16/05/2009 19:18:47

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16. I was brought up in care from the age of 2 together with my sister who was 5. I was born in 1938 and had a Japanese father. Taken into care in 1940 this was a dreadful time to be half-Japanese and to look asian with our straight black hair and pudding-basin haircuts. We were living in Cardiff but were sent to Scotland I to a 'baby home' and she to another where I joined her when I reached 5. We were beaten nearly every day, and at night-time we faced 'walling' having to stand on the landing all night facing the wall, we learnt how to sleep standing up. We were half-drowned by our heads being held under a gushing cold water tap and we had the dreaded walking up and down stairs all night. This was punishment for what we were, 'half-breed Japs'. On VJ day in August, we had to stand in the middle of a group of about 40 children, who all sang 'we won the war, we won the war'. The torture ended in 1948 when we were sent to Essex but we never got out of 'care'. There is alot more which I wont bore you with but suffice it to say that there has been no 'apology' and in fact one person actually said 'well there was a war on and supervision was difficult'. Having had the stuffing knocked out of me, it took a very long time to realise my potential, I am a very late developer. I was a magistrate for 15 years and was deputy chair of the bench, retiring at 70, I am a parish councillor and am in the third year of a law degree. I understand why children in care dont thrive when they leave, it was only my stubborness and determination that kept me on the rails. Yvonne Mace

    Posted by yvonne mace on 16/05/2009 16:17:31

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17. Hi Rachel.... Thank you for being involved in such an amazing and enlightening programme...I firstly want to say that although I have never been in care, was brought up by natural parents, but through our extremely difficult and neglected childhood, I have never been able to relate to people, my peers. The thoughts, feelings and unanswered questions by the people who have been in foster care or care homes are extremely similar to my own. I have problems forging and keeping relationships and at 37 have come to a conclusion that because I don't know how, I will never be able to bring a child into this amazing but incredibly tough world, I fear my emotional intelligence is so undeveloped, I could not possibly give a child what they truly need and deserve. I am wondering if there is anyone out there who I could talk to, my own friends understand to a certain degree but really do not have a clue how incredibly empty I feel. I am a professional, but feel I constantly walk a fine line between losing the plot and carrying on, but do often wonder why I bother. I am hoping once and for all I could find like minded individuals or support group who could help....I appreciate I could never ever understand the stories and experiences of all of the people who have already posted but feel a remarkable connection to all of them.....I wish you all peace of mind one day...

    Posted by Paula on 16/05/2009 14:40:18

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18. Thank you Rachel for a moving program. I was in care at St. Mary's Gravesend Kent from age 2-7yrs 1959-1964 when I returned to my mother & new step father. I have many happy memories of St Mary's and did visit in 1987 but did not think to ask to see my records. At that time I don't think people had an automatic right to see reports and records about themselves. I will certainly ask now. But I don't expect any records to still exist.

    Posted by Austin on 16/05/2009 13:15:12

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19. Hi Rachel, on the programme you mentioned the 6 half brothers you never new you had, well i am one of them CHRISTOPHER, & until this programme didnt know you existed or even my real mother & fathers name !! i have many unanswered questions & to see your blood brother Bryce only reminded me of my blood brother Bryce, uncanningly they look very similar, i was 18 months old when i got split from my 6 brothers & only remained in touch with Bryce, to see stephan on the program was a shock take care Chris

    Posted by chris cook on 16/05/2009 12:01:21

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20. hi rachel, i just want to say thank you so much micheal the guy in your programme ive been looking for him for years as i lost contact with after working with him in a charity shop in hull. we talked alot about his childhood and that it was hard it brought tears to my eyes watching to know he was ok. we gave him a suprise birthday party at the shop as one of the things he remebered was not having a birthday party if you are still in contact with him can you just tell him donna from scope wishes him well and if he want to get in touch my email address is on here x i hope you get this rachel and your a big inspiration for children in care xxx

    Posted by donna sykes on 15/05/2009 21:20:54

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21. I watched your programe with interest last night.I was in care in the 60's and early 70's and was also separated from my older brother, I couldn't understand then, why Dorset Child Welfare Dept (as it was then known)separated us and it still makes me sad now when I think of the years I 'lost' with my brother.We are close now although don't live in the same part of the U.K! and there are just lots of gaps in our life because of the many years we spent apart,it just should never have happened. My experiences throughout my childhood made me determined to give my own 2 children love and happiness and now I have 2 grandsons as well and I'm never happier than when I'm with them and my children. In my opinion siblings should never be split up.

    Posted by jane on 15/05/2009 19:36:30

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22. I was placed in care by my Mother shortly before Christmas in 1970. She had claimed I was out of control.I returned to her six weeks after ,having been assaulted by foster mother and by her husband. Had access to relevant details on my file in last few weeks, but ended up more traumatized than ever. I had three wonderful social workers to start with, then went on to be( according to social workers) a child abuser myself . No allegations were ever made to my face and these are things Ive had to read since. My g.p had the cheek to diagnose paranoid personality, plus a personality disorder, but to this day at the age of 53, still have never received incapacity benefit. The file showed that I had to go to Kingston Hospital to be x-rayed and asked if I had had a bump to my head .nine x-rays were taken yet my Social worker failed to tell them my mother had smashed cup over my head whilst asleep because i had left cup under bed.(my mother had compulsive cleanliness problem. I could continue for hours but where does it get any of us. Already asked for help in 1976 but this was hampered by social worker who did not even give psychiatrist correct family history details. She claimed to him I was one of two children , yet I'm one of seven.(It seems mum may have been a bigamist).All I asked for was to talk. not to have my whole life destroyed. Now you may be asking yourselves, are there drink or drug issues in my life, or have I ever been convicted of a criminal offence and the answer is a resounding NO. Currently writing a book called (my right to reply) Have also got cancer issues

    Posted by Sue Taylor on 15/05/2009 10:55:35

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23. I was in care late sixties to 1980 at a Birmingham Childrens Home with my brother and sister, I have fond memories.Because I had been in care all of my life I felt that was my home and I felt it was taken away from me too quickly not really understanding what was happening to me. So when I was fostered at the age of 11 with my brother and sister I felt a huge part of me had been left behind. These people were my friends and had looked after me and been part of my life for so long, I have always felt that there was something missing, so after watching your programme last night I have plucked up the courage to hopefully access my files and finally find some sort of closure to that part of my life.

    Posted by Georgina on 15/05/2009 09:52:54

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24. Dear Rachel I was also brought up in a childrens home from the age of 4 until I was 15 I had a brother and sister but boys and girls were separated from one another it deeply afected my brother who was put in a different cottage from me and my sister I was very moved by the programe and even though I am now a grandmother still feel a big gap in my life I did manage to get the file on my entry but was told all other files were destroyed was I have know knowledge of any other family we might have had. Thank you for sharing your story.

    Posted by Muriel on 15/05/2009 09:45:22

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25. Dear Rachel I lived in the street of the children's home you lived in and I have very fond and happy memories of sharing many many happy hours with many children who came to live there. I remember lots of birthday parties, lots of jelly, lots of playing in the back garden and lots of laughter as well as some grief and sadness along the way. I distinctly remember a few of the faces on your film raising many happy and fond memories for me. Thank you to all of you for sharing your experiences and even if you didn't know it back then or now you all made a diffrence to others. May you all find peace and happiness! x

    Posted by Jane on 15/05/2009 00:57:33

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26. Watched the programme and many of the experiences of the other children mirrored my story. I went into an Aberdeen convent children's home at the age of approx 2/3 in 1959/60. I can say that we were fortunate to be fed, clothed and a roof over our heads . My brother was seperated from my 2 sister's and I because the Nuns did'nt keep boys over the age of 7. My sister's were put into different groups to me so contact was sporodic. I was encouraged to leave school at 15 with no qualifications and to take the first job on offer. Just as now there was no ongoing support or so it seems from other programmes on the subject- and you were left to fend for yourself. I finally plucked up courage to ask our local authority if I could see my file. I was informed that it had been destroyed and there were no records, It's as though I never exsisted. I have one photo of myself at my confirmation. I feel sad and cheated that I will never know the truth and the feelings of rejection, low self worth and abondonment will always remain. I had a breakdown 4 years ago and had therapy which did help massively. I mourn for the childhood that every child deserves. My advice to anyone brought up in care, good or bad find out about your past before it is too late, because then you can deal with it and have some sense of peace. I'm 52 now and still stories like these evoke such memories and deep sadness. I'm one of the lucky ones I've turned out alright (I think) I did marry at 17 and divorce after 7 years. But I re-married (26yrs. The programme has inspired me to advertise in our local paper and see if children I was brought up with would be interested in a re-union. Like Rachel I know that it won't be straight forward. The home closed down and the Nuns have passed on. But there may be others that have pictures etc.

    Posted by Christine on 15/05/2009 00:53:25

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27. I was in care and a foster home, from about 5 - 14 years old. It was brutal, humiliating and totally destructive. We we ruled with an iron rod, of which i felt many times, made to eat out of pet bowls for the pleasure of our 'carers'. I was introvert, and backward emotionally. My first memory of meeting my parents was at 14, they seemed nice but they could have been anyone. Needless to say there was no discipline, so i went completely of the rails, drugs, crime. But nothing can erase the abuse, the torture of my childhood. I need someone to talk to, not someone with a watch, or a psycho degree, or a competitor. But a listener, a crier and a laugher. I am thankful that there were good homes, good foster carers, and people have let them make and mould them, it's very encouraging. My experience has done the same. To talk is not to know. I'm now 43 and have never been able to get my records of care. This would make so many broken pieces fit together. Nothing can hurt me, nothing can change me. It would just be nice to know. Good show.

    Posted by Alfy on 15/05/2009 00:45:09

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28. A big thankyou Rachel for having the strength to search for your past. i too was taken into care along side my brother. I was 5yrs old too and my brother 11 months older than me. He was like a dad to me and took care of me and protected me from alot of pain. Throughout the years i always felt sorry for my mum, until i became a mum and my feelings towards her started to change. the hardest time was when Eleanor turned 5yrs and i began to look at her differently. I use to look at my child every day and think ' how could you give away your beautifull children' Things started to change and i started to drift away from her. I the back of my mind i always thought that there would come a day when she was old and grey that she would say sorry and explain why. I also thought there would be a time that she would answer my questions like...how much did i weigh when i was born. What time was i born. Things a mother should know and pass on to their children...Its too late now as my real mum took her own life 3 months ago and now i will never have 'that' chat. I am 38yrs young and i have a lovely husband and we heve been together for 17yrs. We have two beautiful daughters and i tell them every day that i love them, even when they play up ( dont most children). They know all about me and my brother and i never hide my past from them and i think it has made them stronger children. I owe my story to two wonderful people and they are my mum and dad , my foster mum and dad they took me and my brother when they were only 26yrs old and they turned our lifes around. We are both married and both have children and we have both learnt that with the right people in your lives you can make it. I am a childminder now and i love my job. I would love now to help children in the care system and would like any advice from anyone how to do this as i think its time to give a little back and help someone who needs some care and attention. Thankyou again Rachel for the programme tonight, john(my brother) and i are going to visit our old home in the next couple of weeks as it is only up the road from me and it is still a beautiful building and my children can see it from the park and they know thats where granny and grandad got mummy from. xxx

    Posted by Donna Dunn (Pritchard) on 15/05/2009 00:33:58

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29. I work as a mentor for young people in the care system and care leavers through the connexions organisation. It was great to hear positive experience of the care system. Seeing programmes like this gives me motivation to continue the work I do as I have been reminded sometimes it only takes one person to believe in you and be constant within a period of your life to get you through for you to achieve happy and positive outcomes as an adult. I hope my work can do that even if its just for one young person it is worth it.

    Posted by Katharine on 14/05/2009 23:13:46

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30. dear rachel i spent 11 years of my life in care as i have got older i felt something was missing the thought of not knowing things about where i came from & what happend and just like your programe i tracked down my family and uncovered some dark secrets now i know the truth i feel a complete person and now can look towards a better future for myself.

    Posted by mr c on 14/05/2009 23:08:00

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31. Great film hopefully it will bring some attention to the struggles care leavers young and old have suffered and still continue to suffer. Its good to know the system has changed in recent years but what about the lost kids this programme went some way in giving us a voice.

    Posted by Brian on 14/05/2009 23:01:55

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32. Having been in care all my childhood and early adulthood I followed Rachel's story with immense interest and sympathy. Like her I took the opportunity when offered and secured a good education and prospered. All of my success in life I owe (as did Rachel and others like her) to a loving couple who understood and loved children, and in my case the couple were completely motivited by their christian belief. They are now both dead, but I revere and honour their memory daily. I strongly believe that children in care will always have the best chance in life to succeed and love and be loved if they are lucky enough to have fallen under the love and influence of such a couple, and in addition that upon leaving care they can maintain a continous contact with those who loved them as children. The couple who loved and cared for Rachel were saints, and society is very much the richer for their existence, and they eclipse the greed and venality which also exists.

    Posted by John S. West on 14/05/2009 22:40:28

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33. I too was in care in the early 70's, although i could talk about the negatives I think on balance mine too was a good experience. Someone believed in me. Prior to being in care I remenber the hostels, the bath, an empty house & a court bench for a bed. I now give back what was once given to me I am a project officer in a homeless unit This hostel is not at all like the ones I went through in the late 60's early 70's I go the extra mile with my residents, I will not give up on anyone of them. I once walked in their shoes

    Posted by d richards on 14/05/2009 22:33:47

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34. Dear Rachel, I was never in care. I just want to thank you and all those who took part in your programme for a very enlightening important and moving experience. Thank you.

    Posted by Simon Molloy on 14/05/2009 22:06:23

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