How do you make the naughty step/time-out technique work when using it with a child who has Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)? It doesn't work!
The first time I tried that, I sat my daughter on the stair 47 times, and 47 times she got straight off it again and I decided this wasn't going to work. I then thought, okay, I'll persevere with this and see where I get. I did, and in the weeks that followed, I had as much success as the first time. Eventually, I decided that it doesn't work and I wondered what techniques you would use to give a child like this time out.
At the moment, I use timed-planned ignoring, which works some of the time, but you can't use that when you're out either.
Happymum
I think the most important thing is that you have recognised placing your child on the naughty step when they have medical conditions of defiance and disorder will only make the matter worse and add fuel to the fire. I have worked alongside children with ADHD or ODD and the main problems are parents wanting to always control this situation instead of working alongside the medical condition your child has to improve the situation. These issues can quickly become very confrontational where the child will retaliate to the point it becomes ugly. One can only stipulate discipline after their child has gained more control and calmed down.
What we want to do is compromise and steer them towards achieving realistic goals. Set challenges for them increasing their self-esteem - continue to do so as your child doesn't intentionally want to behave this way. It's not personal. Some children will show complete remorse for their behaviour once calmed down.
Before you even get to the naughty step, somehow in your everyday existence with your child, you need to be able to make sure that you are communicating with them on a level that is always going to show compromise to some degree or another, as all he receives is your anger for behaviour he can't control.
What I suggest is for you to do the "one strike and you're out" technique, which is actively ignoring the child so that you tell them to go into another room, and say you want time out and that you're not speaking to them right now because of their behaviour. If they're older, then they go in to their room to think about what they've done and you remove yourself from their space so that you have a firm boundary between the parent and child. This will diffuse the anger.
I know the answer is to look at more ways to approach your child and communicate with them on a day-to-day basis. It's like giving a child with Down's syndrome the naughty step, they won't understand it. So what you want to do with a child who has got ADHD or ODD is to find the things that will challenge them, so that they achieve. And to really understand that you can't control ADHD or ODD, that it's not about controlling, it's about working with a child who has got a medical condition.
Structure and routine allow freedom for flexibility. Small, achievable tasks give responsibility which equals more confidence with successful results.
Best,
Jo
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