I am a dad of two-and-a-half-year-old triplets, and I also have another child aged six.
I am finding it increasingly difficult to cope. The kids are all in good health and have no problems. They are a real handful and I find it very stressful looking after them when my wife is out at work. She is a wonderful mum and takes it all in her stride, but I am not that good. I find myself shouting and ranting all the time and am slowly beginning to feel resentment towards my kids. I feel that I don't have a bond with them, and try to find any excuse to get out of the way and do other things!
This ultimately brings a strain to our family relationship as both my wife and I argue a lot... this is NOT good and is starting to drive a wedge into our relationship. I need some advice to stop this situation ending badly, and need help to calm down and start to enjoy my kids' company. Please, please help. Fingers crossed.
Triplet dad
Congratulations! You've obviously done a fantastic job up until now. You are too hard on yourself. I want you to look at all the positive things you are doing when raising your children as Mr Mum. You need to give yourself one massive pat on the back. Credit where credit is due. So you are finding it stressful, which will cause you to feel panicked, leaving you to feel a loss of control. Work out what is causing you the stress. Do you feel stressed at a particular time of day, such as bedtime? Do you feel like there aren't enough hours in the day? You need to really pace yourself, so that you're not overdoing things and have time for yourself. Part of this could mean that you get your chores sorted and spread out throughout the week.
Routine, structure, time management, organisation and preparation give you a framework that supports your children getting what they deserve and the small breaks you will need in between - communication with your wife is key. Let's face it, it's not a role that comes up with much gratification, but much reward.
Yes, it is important for you to have some time of your own. Saturday morning would give you the time to take time out for yourself. It's important that you support yourself so that mentally and physically you can continue doing what you are doing.
Don't allow it to get between you and your wife. Work out how you can improve the situation - what you need from each other. Get this routine in order so that it is more effective for you and your family. Your resentment is being projected on your children and I know you know that’s not fair - so change it.
Recharge your batteries, arrange family members or babysitters so you can spend some quality time with your wife too, and work this out together - the great pyramids of Egypt were not built alone.
Best wishes,
Jo
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