Peep Show

Given the fact he's a World War Two-obsessed, brogue-wearing geek with a deformed scrotum, Mark has seen a surprisingly impressive amount of active service. We pay tribute with a rundown of Mark's Honeys:

Sophie
Sophie is now Mark's wife, but how did the man who once compared her to Poland (‘manageable, won't put up too much of a fight’) actually pull this off?
Well, they first met in the seething cauldron of passion that is their workplace. Despite drawing swastika love on a Post-it and some worries over his abnormal testicles, Mark was on the verge of success. His plans for romance are Interrupted by possibility that his pal Jez is dead, which literally kills the mood.
Sophie then ended up seeing Jeff after finding out Mark had been hacking into her email. But when the relationship flops, Mark is on hand to pick up the pieces. And the pieces seem to be falling into place at last - until Sophie gets promoted and moved to Bristol.
With the relationship again on a slide, Mark comes up with the perfect solution - to propose. A weekend in Somerset, courtesy of the Sunday Times Hotel Megadeal vouchers. Very romantic.
All going well. Until a heart-to-heart with Jez out on the moors clears Mark's mind and he decides to back down. Too late though, because Sophie finds the ring and accepts his proposal before he has a chance to even make it, let alone take it back.
What does the principled man decide to do when charged with feelings of a loved one? Toss a coin. Heads to go ahead with the marriage. Heads it was.

Valerie
Whilst Jeff was worming his way in with Sophie, Mark was indulging in ice cream. Cramming it into the freezer at a party, he meets teen Goth Valerie. This boy has definitely got the moves…

April
A shopping trip to the shoe shop leads into the El Dude Brother's old Alma Mater Dartmouth University. All in pursuit of sex, love and rock and roll of course. Unfortunately for Mark, April believes him to be another undergraduate and wants to wait before 'putting out', as it were...

Merry
Mark's quirky old college flame Merry turns up and gives Jez and Super Hans the keys to the pub left to her in her mum's will. Bad idea.
But before they can even get The Swan and Paedo open, Merry commences the worryingly short journey from kooky to bonkers.' She's so hyper, she's probably really good at sex, but there's always the possibility I'll have the toilet seat slammed on my cock for no reason,’ which is reason enough for Mark to decline her advances.

Sally Slater
Sophie's off in Frankfurt with former boyfriend Jeff, so what's better for Mark to do, than attend his school reunion?
Confronted with the object of his teenage desires – Sally Slater – he seizes the opportunity to try and cop off. And against all odds, she wants a second date. Amazed that his mate is being such a dirty dog he allows him to use his boss’ luxury pad as a venue.
But their lusty evening is disrupted by the arrival of Mr Slater. Sally's husband.

Lucy
Jez organises a stag do for Mark on a canal boat he christens the ‘Stag Aquatic’. After a couple of yards of ale, the pair get to chat up a couple of sisters, Aurora and Lucy, in a local pub.
A few vodka shots and low-speed water chase later, Jez gets lucky - Mark is not impressed by Lucy. Nevertheless, there’s no aphrodisiac like the promise of a job managing an Indian call-centre from a girl’s high-powered dad, and Mark is soon warming to the whole set-up. Then Jez eats her dog.

Heather
Still reeling from the shock of ditching Sophie at their wedding, Mark is persuaded to join Jeremy on a double date. Get straight back on the horse.
He decides that Heather is 'The One.' Things move smoothly to a second date - then they discover an intruder in the flat. In a miraculous show of bravery, Mark detains the burglar in an awkward siege situation. Heroic, maybe, but it’s a mood killer for any girl on a date.

Dobby
A mere three weeks after chucking Sophie at her own wedding, Mark returns to JLB. He is met by abuse from his co-workers and increasingly aggressive and erratic behaviour from Sophie. But it’s not all bad, because he meets Dobby, the geeky yet sexually forward IT misfit.
After their first date in a stationery cupboard they agree to a traditional night out, which ends up in a cubicle. Unfortunately for the free and single Mark, his wife stumbles into the cubicle next door with the singular goal of coughing her booze- and drug-riddled guts out. Second date over.
He becomes convinced that she's The One when he discovers her passion for online gaming. There appears to be more mileage in this than just a stockroom fumble.

Saz
With his birthday looming and his life slowly withering, Mark’s only option is to go speed dating. After a hopeless evening he approaches Aussie gal Sal, brandishing a bottle of lager. Big mistake.
Before you know it, she's his new flatmate. And he heavily regrets it - three days of her shrieking with her mates and shouting at his genitals later. His birthday party then takes a wrong turn when Saz wraps herself around Jeff (love rival, nemesis, tit). Mark is once again alone with his thoughts – and Jez.

Natalie
A death in Jeremy’s family leads to Mark meeting his mum and her boyfriend Martin. A military man – Scots Guards – he and Mark hit it off, and before long there’s talk of their collaboration on the writing of his memoirs.
His dreams of becoming a military historian curdle into nightmares when an evening out with Martin’s daughter Natalie ends in an assault on Mark’s little soldier. Unconcerned by this – after all, nothing actually entered his anus, so where’s the harm – Mark tells Jez, who is outraged, and presses his friend to seek legal assistance.

Cally
Jeremy’s band (Curse These Metal Hands) have a new, capable manager. Would you believe – she’s The One?
Some mutual flirting moves things along, and Cally is impressed by Mark’s knowledge of the Christian Rock download market. Soon they are on a date and all he needs to do to seal it is say that he believes in the healing powers of the ancient crystal skulls from Atlantis. Consider it done, although ruthlessly smashing them was less of a good idea, and doesn’t bode well for the new relationship.