Peep Show

While Mark tries to glean life skills from a best-selling account of Stalingrad, Jez is firmly fixated on hot action. His life is like a copy of Zoo magazine, and here's a definitive list of the lady's who have succumbed to his louche charm:

Toni

Toni finds herself the object of both Jez and Mark’s affections, as much by default as for any other reason - she’s female, single and lives next door.

First out of the blocks is Jez, who is able to use his uncle’s death as an emotional crowbar to leverage Toni’s sympathy into physical gratification. He is, without question, a beautiful man.

Fast forward a bit, and Jez is married (see ‘Nancy’, below) when a dangerously erotic discussion about Robin Williams pushes him and Toni back to the horizontal and into a full-blown affair.

Will his marriage survive? Don’t be ridiculous – of course it won’t.

Nancy
Always a fast-mover, it’s barely the second series before Jez has found himself a wife.

He first meets Nancy at the Rainbow Rhythms dance group and is immediately taken with the free-spirited beauty.

Her willingness to experiment with new experience is such that she’s even prepared to go to bed with Jeremy and then marry him. However, Nancy’s view of marriage is not hindered by monogamy, and, to be fair, Jez doesn’t do a great job of keeping it in his trousers either.

Perhaps they’ll be better off as just friends? Not if Jeremy insists on stalking her her.

Michelle
Threesome. That’s all you need to know about Michelle. Every boy’s dream.

One enthusiastic male, two lovely ladies – that’s the magic formula. So Jez can’t believe his luck when Michelle wants him to be the sex wizard and supplies her own female assistant.
And there’s a bonus.

Add another element to the formula, and surely things can only get better. Unless, that is, that the added element is a chunky strap-on.

Bend over Jez – it’s the happiest night of your life.

Big Suze
After three years away, Jez’s significant ex - Big Suze - returns from her travels. She’s acquired a hunk of monk boyfriend, but even such a handsome specimen is not enough to deter Jez from hitting on the poor girl.

Their lovers’ passion is rekindled in a country house, despite the presence of Super Hans going cold turkey in their hotel room.
From the heights of romance, it’s back downhill when the noble Jez accepts Johnson’s indecent proposal for Suze. Not a great move for any amount of money, but for £530… ?

Come the fifth series, and Suze is back on the scene. A dinner date goes so well that Jez forgets to mention his sexual disease, and it’s business as usual for the troubled couple.

Sarah
Mark's sister Sarah turns up at Apollo House after splitting up with her husband, and Jez proclaims himself to be in love. It is, however, always possible that he’s just exploiting her emotional vulnerability to bed her. Either way, Sarah's incessant chatter and alarming similarities to her brother soon lead Jez to conclude she's not 'the one', and propel him into a campaign to win back Big Suze.

Carla
Jez puts his libido before the law when he finds himself on the jury for Carla’s trial. Ends up banging the defendant before banging her up.

Sophie's Mum
Jez puts his libido before his best friend’s marriage when he gets it on with Penny (aka Mrs Chapman, aka Sophie’s mum).

Sophie
Jez completes the Chapman double when he follows Big Suze to Kettering to win her back, things get complicated, and he accidentally manages to sleep with the one person he's really, really not allowed to – Sophie.

Aurora
During Mark's stag do aboard the Stag Aquatic canal boat, Mark gets pre-occupied with promises of management jobs in India while Jeremy's getting on splendidly with Aurora. Well, he is until he kills her dog and eats it.

Paula

As demonstrated by his dealings with Miss and Mrs Chapman, Jez enjoys a family affair, so it’s no surprise when, in Series Five, he starts dating Paula, the sister of his old flame Toni.

Sadly, joyful and infectious love makes way for the realisation that Paula has Chlamydia. On the positive side though, Jez’s initial thoughts that having a sexually transmitted disease is sexy make way for the realisation that it isn’t.

Cally

Not only does Jeremy’s band (the legendary Curse These Metal Hands) get a manager – he manages to sleep with her as well. Sadly, a nagging concern about a new SCART lead impairs his usually exemplary sexual performance, and Cally soon moves on.

In fact, it’s Mark she moves on to, the couple moved by their shared love of business (really – business as in suits, stationery, the full works). You might have thought that such a love rivalry would really irk Jez, but he responds with level-headed maturity by trashing Cally’s trailer at a Christian rock festival and blaming it on Mark.