Flies in the ointment. (Warning: this article contains very strong language.)
Celebrity-obsessed flies swap dubious eye-witness accounts of stars, such as David Attenborough pissing on his own fire and Daniel Craig dancing with a mirror before sleeping with 50 Cent.
Words of wisdom from the fly files:
Christ, I just spent a week in the Hilton trapped under 50 Cent's hat.
Yeah I was at this kid's party, I'd just sicked up on a plate of crisps when this kid snapped my leg off and fucked half me eye out with a cocktail stick.
I picked up a virus at Heathrow Airport after licking a piece of ham. I then got into a cab with Michael Winner, who took me to a top London restaurant. I went over to the serving hatch and honked my guts up over a sea bass.
Do you reckon it's too late to get Brosnan back?
So he chases me up the stairs, smacks his hip on the banister and now he's seeing a fucking osteopath!
Did I tell you I went down the shops with Gwyneth Paltrow the other day?
