Jo reveals how she solved Kiran's eating problems.
When I first met this family I knew I was meeting a mother who was desperately in need of help. If it's not flippant to say it: she was completely at the end of her tether.
Kiran's mum Sophia was feeling really helpless, but, underlying that, I think she was also starting to feel resentful because Kiran's refusal to eat meant that her child had control over her. I could see that this resentment was affecting the way that Sophia behaved around Kiran.
I could also see that Kiran was very underweight for her age. She has those beautiful big brown eyes, but they lacked a spark. She should have been running around, laughing, showing her character like four-year-olds do, but she wasn't. She just wasn't eating enough and didn't have enough energy and goodness on board to actually express her personality. Her speech was delayed and she was held back in her development because of her refusal to eat.
When I first saw footage of Sophia trying to force feed Kiran it actually brought tears to my eyes. It was really hard to watch because what I was seeing was behaviour that looked hostile. I knew that I wasn't watching someone who wanted to be unkind, it was just someone who was utterly desperate to get her child to eat. In the past, Kiran had been sent to hospital with dehydration and I could see that every mealtime Sophia was scared of the same thing happening if she didn't force Kiran to eat something. Sophia was desperate, but I knew that the number one priority was to make her realise that the force feeding had to stop.
Looking at the pattern of Kiran's behaviour at mealtimes I was convinced that her behaviour had been taught. She had learned that if she refused healthy food at meal times, she would be given sugary snacks later. Meal times had become a place for Kiran to get attention from her mother by refusing to eat and for her to assert control over her parents.
I felt it was important to talk to Sophia about her attitude and to explain to her how she would need to change. Mealtimes had become a battle of wills and Sophia needed to break that cycle. She needed more patience - to be more relaxed and positive about eating and to not get angry. I had to put the basics in place:
-Routine mealtimes
-A rule that meals that would only last for a half an hour. Anything Kiran hadn't eaten should then stay on the side for half an hour but if she still hadn't eaten it, it should then go in the bin.
-A total withdrawal of all sugary snacks and drinks.
-Mum and dad to lead by example and eat meals together around the table.
Taking Sophia to the park with Kiran was a really important step. I needed Sophia to relax around Kiran and during Kiran's meals. I also needed to put something fun and positive in place to counterbalance all the new rules around mealtimes and to rebuild their relationship.
Hanging out in the park looking at the animals was a really nice experience, but it also helped Sophia to relax and eat a picnic lunch with Kiran without fussing her and panicking her. It was good for her to learn that when you're having a meal you can just be quiet - you don't have to talk and fuss about the food all the time. In this new, relaxed environment, Kiran just got on with it and ate her lunch.
