Making time to talk to Bronwyn was the key to mum helping solve her daughter's body issues.
For me the key issue at the heart of Bronwyn's story is that children do come to talk to you about what's on their minds, but they all do it when mums and dads are busy doing something else. And that's a real challenge for all parents.
Kids growing up get worried about things. They worry about school, they worry about how they're getting on with their friends, they worry about their appearance. But they don't choose to share those worries with their mum or dad when their parent is sitting down and saying to them 'well dear, is there anything on your mind that you'd like to talk about?' Sitting down face to face like that, kids feel too exposed. Too on the spot. They feel much more comfortable to raise things with their mum when she's distracted, when she's not looking them straight in the eye - like when she's cooking dinner or got her hands in the sink.
To mums and dads this can feel as if they are being interrupted at the most inconvenient times possible, but these are just the times that kids feel comfortable to air their worries. And the key thing to do is to make time when they want to talk - whatever you are doing.
Bronwyn had questions on her mind that were perfectly normal for a girl of her age, but in her family there is a big age gap between her and her half sister, and Bronwyn was feeling that mum was too busy looking after a toddler to listen to what she was saying.
Girls at Bronwyn's age are looking for approval and reassurance; they are comparing themselves to kids their age. They are comparing themselves to older people who they know or to celebrities they have seen on TV or in magazines. They are looking to their mums for reassurance, and in Bronwyn's case, she didn't feel that she was getting this enough. She was really worried about her birthmark and her appearance, and just needed to be reassured that she was just fine as she was.
For kids growing up today, natural insecurities and worries about their looks can be made more difficult to deal with by the images they see in the media.
Bronwyn was spending time flicking through magazines about pop stars and celebrities. There is nothing wrong with this at all. That pre-teen age is a time when kids are getting interested in music and fashion. Or wanting to learn about clothes and make-up. All of which is perfectly fine.
But the issue is that as adults, when we look at these pictures, we know that they have been airbrushed and retouched. The models are pretty girls, but they have been reworked and reworked so that the images are no longer real. If you are comparing yourself to an image that isn't real then it could start to make you feel like you don't measure up.
It's up to parents to give kids a bit of perspective when they see these images. And most of all loving parents have got to give their kids confidence in their own looks and their own personalities and qualities. Making time to talk to them, on their terms, is key.
First of all, what I did was give Bronwyn time. She needed to talk to an adult about the things that were on her mind, and for an adult to tell her that she's fine as she is. To tell her that she didn't need to worry about the her birthmark or about her arms.
Then I wanted to chat with Bronwyn's mum, Emma, to remind her that Bronwyn needed her reassurance. Like all mums, Emma had noticed that Bronwyn only ever seemed to start conversations about her worries when her mum was busy doing something else. I wanted Emma to know that's what all kids do and they do it because it's easier for them to get things off their chest that way. The important thing is to make time to listen to kids when they want to talk, not just when you want to talk.
I knew that there was already a loving relationship between Emma and Bronwyn, but I wanted to get them reconnecting about the things that were worrying Bronwyn. Using speech bubbles is a great way of taking the anxiety out of telling an adult what you want them to hear. It really helps to break the ice and makes it less awkward for a child to say things that they find difficult. It must have been really hard for mum Emma to hear Bronwyn say, 'Tell me that you love me more', but the message really got through and it brought them closer.
Once mother and daughter were talking more, I wanted to take things one step further and show Bronwyn the truth about the images in magazines that she had been comparing herself to - using myself as the model. I wanted to expose how those images are just a fantasy created by airbrushing. So we all went together to a studio where I had my photo taken and then worked on in the way that images in magazines and adverts are.
When I showed the photos of me before and after airbrushing to Bronwyn, she told me she preferred the one that wasn't airbrushed because that was the one that showed me as I really am and captured my personality.
For all parents worried about whether magazines might be having an impact on their kids I would say:
-Stay up to speed with what they're into. A great way to stay connected with your pre-teens is to look at their magazines.
-Have a flick through with them, then you can provide a bit of adult perspective on what they are seeing. I don't mean pulling a photo apart. I do mean giving kids the tools to interpret what they're seeing - that the lighting makes the model's hair shiny or that it's airbrushing that gives them flawless skin.
-It's not a problem that kids like a bit of the glamour of celebrity, but make sure they know that what they're seeing isn't the real world.
-If pre-teenage girls start to get interested in make-up and things they have seen in magazines, that's only natural. It's fine to let them experiment, but don't let them think they need a full face of make-up on before they can face the world.
-And the best way to do this, is to make sure that they know you recognize their good qualities, and love them the way they are.
