About the Show
One small island off the west coast of Ireland. Three priests. One housekeeper. A bunch of nuns - and the most consistently awful weather on the planet. Welcome to the world of Father Ted!
Series 3 Summary
In the third series, Craggy Island's population of psychopathic milkmen, Nazi sympathisers and lecherous old ladies mean Ted is up against it more than ever. And then there's the not-so small matter of Bishop Brennan's arse to contend with.
Luckily for Ted, he has the faithful presence of Dougal and Jack plus an endless supply of Mrs Doyle's tea to help him cope. Luckily...
Episode 1 - Are You Right There Father Ted?
Ted pays a visit to the learned Father Fitzpatrick, who turns out to have an interesting, albeit extremely one-sided, collection of WW2 memorabilia. Faking an interest in the Nazis, a nervous Ted escapes Father Fitzpatrick's homage to Hitler and skulks off home.
Back at the house, Ted trys to lighten the mood with an ill-conceived comic impression. Unfortunately, the Yin family are passing at the time and news quickly spreads around the island that Ted is a racist.
The rumours are not helped by a piece of dirt on Ted's window that has somehow escaped the tender attentions of Mrs Doyle. This perfectly square piece of mud can, from a certain angle, appear as a moustache - a moustache a certain German dictator used to sport...
Episode 2 - Chirpy Burpy Cheap Sheep
The prestigious King of the Sheep competition is looming, and local champion Chris the Sheep looks like a surefire favourite to pick up the main prize. Ted certainly thinks so, and sensibly decides to bet the entire year's heating budget on him winning.
Disaster threatens when Ted and Dougal's attempt to bolster Chris' confidence with some soothing mood music leads to their woolly friend going walkabout.
And when Ted learns of a creature that has been terrorising the island's sheep, he is forced to take drastic action...
Episode 3 - Speed 3
Mrs Doyle has a new fancy man in her life, Pat Mustard the milkman. Unsettled by this turn of events, Ted and Dougal investigate, and discover a rash of unnaturally hairy babies in the district. Pat has been delivering more than just milk.
You have to get up very early in the morning to catch out a milkman, so that's exactly what the Fathers do. Some good detective work later and Pat gets the sack. But, despite lying down on the job, Pat refuses to take his dismissal lying down...
With Dougal acting as Craggy Island's newest milkman, the race is on to de-active the bomb that is on board his milk float, placed there by the dastardly Mustard!
Episode 4 - The Mainland
Ted and Dougal set off to the mainland to get Father Jack some new glasses, and Mrs Doyle tags along in search of a well-deserved cup of tea with her friend.
After running the errands, they visit the 'very dark' caves at Dougal's request. By chance, Richard Wilson from 'One Foot in the Grave' is filming there.
This seems a great chance for Ted to remind him of his catchphrase...
Things take a turn for the worst as Father Jack's new glasses get pilfered by a crow and Mrs Doyle's tea party turns violent over the matter of the bill.
And then, of course, Ted and Dougal get lost in the caves. (They are 'very dark', after all...)
Episode 5 - Escape from Victory
It's a grudge match in the All Priests Over-75s Five-a-Side Football Challenge, and Ted is struggling to cope with Father Dick Byrne's rival team.
Ted's star strikers are out of action due to a mixture of untimely death and a whole bottle of Dreamy Nighty Snoozey Snooze. But there's light at the end of the tunnel as Ted hatches a cunning plan involving a pair of comedy arms and a remote controlled wheelchair.
Finally, however, the scheme is rumbled, and Ted must pay the ultimate forfeit. He must kick Bishop Brennan up the arse...
Episode 6 - Kicking Bishop Brennan up the Arse
A lost bet puts Ted in a delicate position. And means he must put his foot in another one... After being rumbled for cheating in the over-75s football match, Ted has to pay the ultimate forfeit. He must kick Bishop Brennan up the arse.
Despite manufacturing the perfect opportunity, Ted's nerve fails him - and the Bishop's posterior remains unbooted.
Luckily, the roads have been taken in (when the rain is bad they store them in a warehouse on the east side of the island), so the Bishop has to spend the night, giving Ted more time to pluck up courage.
Then, amazingly, Dougal has a moment of perceptive genius: the Bishop would never believe Ted would actually kick him up the arse!
This insight sparks a course of action that works flawlessly. Almost...
Episode 7 - Night of the Nearly Dead
Despite Ted's best literary efforts, Mrs Doyle wins a poem writing contest. Her reward is the chance to meet her singing idol, the legendary Mr Eoin McLove.
News spreads like wildfire that the one and only Eoin McLove will be gracing the island with his magnificent self. This sends the Craggy Island tea-making, cake-loving womenfolk of a certain age into a wild frenzy.
A giant zombie-like horde of old ladies trap their idol and the priests in the parochial house. They cut the phone lines and lay in wait for their hero to appear.
Can Father Ted save the day? It seems unlikely...
Episode 8 - Going to America
It's a busy time for Ted, as he struggles to keep in check the suicidal tendencies of Father Kevin.
The important thing, Ted realises, is to avoid subjects like war and death and instead chat about such things as cushions and puppies and snakes and ladders.
Then Father Buzz Cagney comes to pay Father Ted a visit - and make him an offer he can't possibly refuse. The hard part of the deal will be telling the others that he's off to America. Without them.
At least, that's what Father Ted imagines will be the hard part...
Father Ted synopsis
One small island off the west coast of Ireland. Three priests. One housekeeper. A bunch of nuns - and the most consistently awful weather on the planet. Welcome to the world of Father Ted!Episode Guide >
Next on TV
With Easter fast approaching, Father Dick Byrne suggests that he and Ted call a truce and get on with the important business of sacrificing something for Lent.