Bringing Up Baby

Advantages of the notion that every baby is different

• If you buy the idea that babies are individuals as much as adults are, then it should follow that it's not appropriate for there to be one and only schedule for feeding them – some may be hungrier than others, some may like to feed at irregular intervals
• Spock isn't anti-routine – what he's saying is that you'll still develop a routine between the two of you but it will be tailor-made, not one-size-fits-all
• Once you take on board the idea that babies are different, you will be liberated from feeling terribly anxious that your child isn't conforming to the 'norm' as laid out by books and development charts. Some will hold up their heads earlier than others, some will walk earlier, some will say their first word earlier, etc.

Disadvantages to the notion that every baby is different

• It's one thing telling a new parent that every baby is different but that doesn't necessarily help them work out how to care for theirs – a baby may have preferences about when it wants to feed but since they can't tell you, why not impose a structure that works for you and train them to get on with it.

Advantages to a baby getting plenty of affection

• Babies usually stop crying when they're picked up and cuddled. Movement and the warmth of another body is what they've been used to in the womb so they can be comforted this way.
  Parents get a sense of satisfaction from cuddling their babies. It's the natural instinct of most mothers to want to hold their babies and not being allowed to has been linked to post-natal depression
• Freudian psychoanalytic theory and Bowlbian attachment theory both maintain that babies need a high level of attention and affection shown them in order to be emotionally stable later on.

Disadvantages to giving a baby a lot of affection

• Truby King fans argue that babies will like being cuddled too much and they'll deliberately cry for it. It is true that babies put two and two together and learn that crying may get them attention, but according to Spock, there is no risk of this happening in the first three months at least
• Spending hours on end gazing at your baby and cuddling it was much easier for 1960s mothers who had the benefit of new domestic appliances like washing machines to relieve the pressure on their time. Their 1950s predecessors had had to spend hours every day washing nappies by hand and had less time to devote to cuddling their babies
• The modern corollary of this, it could be argued, is that a baby whose mother is going back to work is better off not getting too reliant on cuddles from mum.

Advantages of having a baby sleeping in your room at the start

• You won't have to worry that baby has stopped breathing because it will be right next to your bed
• You don't have to get out of bed to feed during the night – you can simply pick the baby up out of the Moses basket or crib and feed sitting up in bed
• The baby is attended to quickly when she cries

Disadvantages of having a baby sleeping in your room at the start

• Both parents' sleep will be disrupted – the mother stays in bed to feed so there's activity going on in the room while dad is trying to sleep. If mum creeps out to feed the baby next door, dad may sleep better
• Moving the baby may seem harder when you try and do it – by that point, the baby might be used to sleeping in one environment and may resist the move.

Advantages of being told to trust yourself

• This is a liberation for some people – it is licence to say to your own mother, or mother-in-law or health visitor or whoever, I'm sorry, I believe the way I'm doing it is right
• Since often there are no right or wrong answers when it comes to babies, isn't it better for anxious new parents to know this from the get-go? A book can't definitively tell you why your particular baby is crying at a particular point, so trusting your own interpretation is a crucial skill to learn – and the sooner the better because these situations will arise again and again.

Disadvantages of being told to trust yourself

• What if you're the type of new parent who utterly lacks confidence and wants to be told what to do? For today's first-time parents who may never have even held a baby before they have their own, the lack of an instruction manual can be terrifying.