Borna the Blogger
Posts from our Tehran 'fixer', Borna Alikhani. Part of the News from Iran Blog.

It's like the dream where you're naked in high heels

Still high from last night's coup, we pull into Isfahan's main square. We felt like we owned it.

As I walked around the Blue Mosque with the normally frantic programme editor, I had the unavoidable emotional moment. I was very proud that he was seeing my country like this. I was proud of the achievements of my romping ancestors the Safavids.

The point of News from Iran Week was to give people an understanding of Iran beyond the rhetoric. As we wondered through the maze of domes, I realized that Ben of Barnes (the programme editor) had got it.

I sensed he understood how we could be so proud (and stubborn). It's this dormant gene which has unites Iranians of all classes and beliefs as we are caste as the World's new pariah. If the man from Barnes gets it, we're very close to the point of critical mass - I think to myself.

As dusk fell, we confidently strutted around setting up, we were unstoppable. I was assigned camera four on the terrace of the Ali Qapu Palace.

The view was majestic- the serenity broken by a few buzzing muzungus. I felt so far removed from the craziness below. I was no longer crew- I had feelings only Shah Abbas could relate to.

I tirelessly surveyed my domain - with two minutes to go till live, the muzungus seemed no more settled. With comms down I zoomed in through the camera viewfinder. Absolute pandemonium.

Jon was bellowing "Lorna I can't hear you"- the worst possible words at this juncture. Autocue was stuck, no comms, no Lorna, no printer. Jon was stranded live in Naghsh-e Jahan sq.

I just felt like walking down and giving him a hug.

It's like the dream where you're naked in high heels - exposed with the whole world watching. Only the Magus could recover this one. As I watched this circus going on from my vantage viewpont, I had the best birthday of my life.

The fortune teller and the wise man with an impressive belly

I saw a fortune teller a few months ago who read my coffee.

She was supposedly one of the best in the business. The first thing she told me was that there was a sport which I passionately loved. Nonsense I thought and immediately stopped listening to her.

She lost all credibility.

Tonight as we were on the roof of the Basij (Islamic Militia) building, the corner of my eye caught one of many monitors lying around.

She told me I would undertake a project that everyone including myself believed impossible. She told me it would be a first and enormously difficult - but God was watching over me. There would be an older gentleman, very wise and influential, very large and an impressive belly.

She said not to fear and the wise man always delivered. I felt like pouring the coffee residue over her crazy head.

As that monitor flashed by me- all she said came true. The bellied Magus is Jon Snow. We were live out of Tehran on the eve of Iran's Security Council referral.

As of tomorrow over 40 of us will be on the road for a week - The Magus, 2 correspondents, 4 cameramen, 5 producers, 5 fixers, 13 drivers, 5 engineers, 3 security guards, 2 soldiers, 2 gaffers, and a man from the electricity board.

Maybe I still can become World Heavy-Weight Boxing Champion one day.

Allah o Akbar- God is Great.

The three-eared people of Khaveh

After lengthy negotiations it is agreed that we can film in the next village across the valley. I have heard of Khaveh since birth and - though a mile away - have avoided going there in keeping with age-old traditions.

I tell my trusted sidekick and shepard Ali-Reza of our plans. He is horrified. On the drive over he tells me that there are boys in Khaveh with 3 ears and 6 fingers. Cynical Lindsey laughs it off. I am sure he's right.

Khaveh is the kind of place where you just wish you were invisible. On this quiet morning our group is led through the village by a seven foot black-clad Rhodesian in a velvet stetson (black). The people are wonderful and bemused.

We spend the morning filming in their homes, shop and mosque. They all keep inviting us over for tea. Smiles all round. They curiously and patiently watch our unlikely bunch, and discuss among themselves what we must be up to. Gas network installations, movies, plain weirdness.

As the morning and their patience wears on, one theory begins to dominate. Lunch time hunger pangs render us undesirables and it is decided we must be foreign agents.

"They're here to film us so they can come back and bomb." Ali Reza calls 'cut' and herds us back into the van. The three-eared, six-fingered people of Khaveh will have something to talk about for the next 50 years.

Borna Alikhani, producer at Crewhouse TV, is Channel 4 News' 'fixer' in Tehran.

Uncle Haji and the dodgy soup

Somewhere on a long list of ''I wants...'' was a picturesque village, pretty poor and full of friendly peasants. I knew just the place.

My ancestral birthplace Kolejar - truly idyllic. Nothing exciting has happened there since my great uncle "Haji" dropped dead after being offered some dodgy soup. That was in the 50s- and it's still a hot topic. Just my luck, I am informed by the powers that be, that the area is off limits.

My brethren have thumped the governor of the local township- hardly world headlines anyway.

Borna Alikhani, producer at Crewhouse TV, is Channel 4 News' 'fixer' in Tehran.

'His name is Jon Snow!'

An ecstatic Majid on the mobile again. "His name is Jon Snow!" It's all over the conservative newspapers. Jon Snow and an unprecedented group of 12 will be arriving in Tehran over the next few days.

It must be true. "My prayers have worked ... I will lay a red carpet from the main gate all the way to my shop." I should have wished for something more profound.

Borna Alikhani, producer at Crewhouse TV, is Channel 4 News' 'fixer' in Tehran.

Some insane plan

My mobile rings. "You're in the bazaar" Majid tells me confidently. A million people will pass through Tehran's Grand Bazaar today - how the hell did this carpet dealer find out so quickly.

I'd hardly been in the labirynth five minutes. "There's a group of 12 journalists coming here next week - what do you know?"

I tell him precious little - I know C4 have some insane plan to anchor the news out of Tehran - the week Iran is likely to be referred to the security council. I tell him they haven't been granted visas yet - and my senses tell me its unlikely they will at this sensitive time.

"You better bring them to my shop when they come," Majid commands.I tell him it's all up in the air right now. "Don't you worry, I'm going to pray and give dinner to the poor at the shrine of Seyed Ismael - whatever you wish will come true."

Borna Alikhani, producer at Crewhouse TV, is Channel 4 News' 'fixer' in Tehran.