Zimbabwe blog: see the funny side
Updated on 19 December 2008
Zimbabweans still have a sense of humour, writes guest Zimbabwean blogger Helen.
Picture the scene: A dirty government office with peeling paint in a small Zimbabwean town. These are the offices of ZINWA - the Zimbabwe National Water Authority - whose responsibility is the provision of water and sanitation.
The customer in question has tried to pay his water bill. ZINWA won't accept cheques anymore and need him to pay in cash but can't tell him how much he owes.
The angry customer has three issues to raise with ZINWA; he wants to know why the water at his house is so foul-smelling and dirty on the rare occasions that he gets it; he wants to complain that the sewage mains are blocked and over-flowing at his office and he wants to know why he hasn't had his bill.
Angry Customer: I want to speak to the Chief Engineer. He won't answer his telephone and so I want his home address.
ZINWA Official: Why do you want his address?
Angry Customer: So I can take a bucket of S**** and pour it outside his house. I've been promised assistance for months and everyone knows we've got cholera in the town. A nurse I met told me how serious the situation is, she said people are dying.
ZINWA Official: Aaah! Times are not normal. We have to import all our chemicals you know.
Angry Customer: So what happens to all our water rates then; why don't you use that money to buy chemicals? We pay all that money every month and we can't even drink the water when it does come out of the taps.
ZINWA Official: You can drink it! There's no problem. You want water? Have a drink from that tap there.
Angry Customer: You mean when the water tastes of mud or s***t or diesel it's OK for me to drink?
ZINWA Official: Yes! It's no problem to drink it.
Angry Customer: I tell you what; why don't you get in my car and we'll go to my house and you can drink the water straight from MY tap. Come on, let's go!
(Zinwa official is very reluctant. A crowd of amused onlookers has gathered)
ZINWA Official: We will come and fix your blocked pipe and overflowing sewage this afternoon, I promise.
Angry Customer: By the way, what's your home address?
(Hoots of laughter from bystanders)
Bystander: Why bother taking the bucket of S*** to the Engineers house? Why not just dump it here in this office!
The scene closes with laughter all round. Zimbabweans can still see the funny side.
This true-life scene was played out in the small town where I live. A town where cholera cases are whispered about but not openly reported and a cause for terror to everyone. A town where every day people in high density areas have no choice but to walk through human faeces in order to get to their own front doors.
The encounter at ZINWA came just days after Mr Mugabe said that cholera was over and the UN announced an escalation in fatalities with almost 1000 confirmed deaths.
