My Iraqi childhood memories

Updated on 11 March 2008

By Guest blogger

Part one of a two part blog from guest Iraqi blogger Neurotic Wife.

He calls me just after I published my blog post on Friday afternoon. Are we still on? Do you still wanna go? He asks. Yes I said. You suuuuuuure? You havent changed your mind after yesterday's bombings in Karradah?

No M, I still wanna go, Im waiting for you. Ok then, come outside, I'm waiting in the car, he said. I grabbed my handbag which I carried just for this occasion and walked fast towards the gates. I was trying to be incognito, as I didnt want anyone from work to see me. He stopped his car, and I quickly jumped in.

First thing I did was put the seat belt on, it was a natural reflex I guess. What are you doing? M asked nervously. No, dont put it on Neurotica, we dont use seat belts here, you will definitely look like an outsider if you do.

So I immediately unbuckled it and sat back. As we approached the last checkpoint, M looked at me and said, this is it Neurotica, are you sure you still wanna do this?

I looked him in the eye and said, M, please, we have planned this for a long time, dont worry about me, I'm not scared whatsoever, just drive on. He smiled and said, OK this is it, this, Neurotica, IS the beginning of the RED ZONE. Welcome, welcome to your home. Welcome to Baghdad. The Real Baghdad. And so my journey began.

I couldn't believe that after almost two years, two years of being inside that gray place, that lifeless dull gray place, I'm finally out. I finally got away from the prison of the walled green zone to my beautiful, beautiful Baghdad. The real Baghdad. And it IS beautiful; I don't care what anyone else says.

As we passed that checkpoint, I took my cam out and as I was about to take pics of the Salhiya buildings, M immediately turned towards me and said, what are you doing Neurotica? Umm taking pics of the streets, I said. No, not here, look there are checkpoints just in front, wait until we pass them.

Suddenly I felt like a child being scolded. But at the same time, I didn't want M to be in more trouble than he was in already. He is risking his life by taking me out. So, like a good kid, I hid the cam under my scarf and waited eagerly for the right opportunity.

I haven't told anyone of my plans except L and V. I had to give them HUBBY's number incase they don't hear from me by 7 in the evening. I really wanted to tell HUBBY, but I know he woulda freaked out especially after the Karradah bombings on Thursday.

M took me everywhere, from Alawee to Karkh, to Rusafa, to Mansour to Karrada, to everywhere except Adhamiyah (I can't even remember half of the names anymore).

And after nearly 29 years, 29 years of just memories, 29 years of just looking at old Polaroid photos, 29 years of nostalgia, I finally saw the house, or I should say what remained of the house I used to live in as a child.

My God, a rush of feelings just like a film strip passed afore my eyes. I remembered my room, I remembered my parents room and their Jacuzzi-looking bath. I remembered our beautiful red tiled kitchen and the immaculately maintained garden. It was too surreal. It still is surreal after all these years.

I just couldn't believe that here I am in 2008, at 33 years of age, looking at the place where I used to play as a 4-year-old in our garden. It's funny how I can remember all these things. Even my parents get shocked at my childhood memories when I relay to them what I remember. Just staring at the wall of my house was worth this whole trip.

Can we step out M? Can we walk around here? No, its best not to Neurotica, but I will make another U-turn so you can take another look. As M did exactly that, I pressed my nose like a little child against the car window and kept saying, OMG, OMG, this is my house, this is my house M.

I felt my eyes well up, I cannot describe in words no matter how much I try what I was going through during these few short moments. Short moments that last a lifetime in my mind.

I so wished HUBBY was with me. I so wished my parents were with me, I so wished my siblings could see what my eyes were looking at.

Although our beautiful house is no longer there, instead it's an empty land with rubble stacked up inside of it, yet the beautifully designed arches, one of its kind at the time, miraculously appeared like a hazy mirage before me.

That's all I saw and that's all I wanted to see. I so wanted to touch it, to feel it. I so wanted to live those memories again. My beautiful childhood memories. My Iraqi Childhood Memories...

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