Mel B's not-so-Golden Child...

Bloody men! We are such absolute monsters! The trouble is, we just don't give birds their due. We make a big noise and strut around like we own the bloody place, but when there's a little lady involved - especially one that's up the stick - we forget ourselves and go to pieces, don't we?

Take that poor cow Mel B what used to be in the rubbish that wasn't All Saints, you know, the other one. Anyway, she's saying how she's been all crying and devastated and that after being knocked up by Eddie Murphy out of the films. Trouble is, Eddie - who reportedly lives with his mum, fact fans - is demanding a DNA test when the nipper has fallen out of Mel's bum and this, apparently, has left her mad. She thinks it'll make everyone look at her with her hair and her come-to-bed-eyes and her skimpy outfits and her inappropriate relationship history and her general air of drawers-dropping easiness, and assume she's some type of slattern whose knickers snap on and off like an idiot's comedy bow tie.

And NOTHING could be further from the truth, could it Mel? You naughty, naughty girl!

Gggrraaagggghhhhhh!