Friday

Britney Spears out the closet: She loves Trinny and Susannah. [Chartsingles]

Will Young fancies himself as the new Hugh Grant. [The Sun]

Beth Orton returns with residency and album. [Gigwise]

Mark Owen more popular than Robbie Williams. [The Sun]

Korn to squeeze fans onto plane and fly them over the ocean. [MTV]

Flaming Lips post new song online. [NME]

Nightclubs ordered to turn it down. [Hard Dance]

and finally...

Jamie Cullum offers to help the suicidal. [Yahoo! Music]

Thursday

Robbie's American odyssey officially over. [Billboard]

Justin Hawkins can't stand Pete Doherty now. [NME]

Girls Aloud discover swearing. [The Sun]

D'you buy, Dubai, Michael Jackson? Hell no! [Gulf Daily News]

Romeo So Solid cleared of wounding charges. [Daily Snack]

Ozzy Osbourne accepts Hall of Fame award with open arse. [The Sun]

Kaiser Chiefs get all viral. [This Is Fake DIY]

and finally...

Marilyn Manson to play rapist who eats ostriches. [WHAM TV]

Wednesday

Britney's Kevin Federline injured in podium accident. [UK Flava]

Lennon killer says he was unstoppable. [USA Today]

Frankie Poullain not too impressed with The Darkness. [Gigwise]

Ozzy Osbourne fears X-Factor turns you mental. [Daily Mirror]

Rolling Stones told to turn that bloody noise down. [Daily Snack]

Robbie Williams might end up like Paula Yates, frets ex-manager. [Daily Mirror]

The Pogues buy old singles off eBay. [The Sun]

and finally...

Madonna invests in cellulite-bashing vibrator thing. Funny place to have cellulite... [The Sun]

Tuesday

Arctic Monkeys keep us waiting for next single. [NME]

Ozzy Osbourne fears death by bird flu [Ananova]

X-Factor gonks join race for Christmas number one. [Daily Snack]

Kaiser Chiefs desperately trying to prove they're not that jolly. [Top of the Pops]

Cheryl Tweedy attempts to end Charlotte Church feud. [Daily Mirror]

and finally...

Michael Jackson in toilet mix-up trauma. [Gigwise]

Monday

Gene Simmons sexy bragging lands him in court. [BBC News]

50 Cent movie-fan shot dead after bathroom barney. [Drowned In Sound]

Justin Hawkins sticks two fingers up at Chris Martin again. [The Sun]

Mariah Carey cleans up at the Vibe awards. [BBC News]

Peter Waterman shocks world by denouncing Pop Idol as "fake". [The Sun]

... Meanwhile Will Young gets a little head help. [The Sun]

Kelly Osbourne thinks she's being stalked by cross-dressing fan. [Daily Snack]

Sarah Girls Aloud collapses with wonky kidneys. [Sunday Mirror]

Ozzy Osbourne to play for the Queen. [Sunday Mirror]

Joss Stone replaces Spice Girls in survey of important people. [Scotsman]

Toni Collette defiantly swaps acting for rock. [Female First]

and finally...

Posh's pert pair probably plastic pads. [People]

Friday

Pete Doherty in passport shocker. [The Sun]

Justin Hawkins wants Chris Martin to burn in hell. [Gigwise]

Take That dump Robbie. [The Sun]

Oh brilliant! Phil Collins fancies a Genesis reunion! [Playlouder]

Mariah Carey hides messages on her walls. [Daily Record]

Simon Cowell tells his partner "amphibians not kids ". [The Sun]

System of a Down campaign against 1915 genocide. [WHAM-TV]

and finally...

Paul McCartney wants to jettison his music into outerspace. [Houston Chronicle]

Thursday

Robbie Williams announces tour of the whole world. Except America. [NME]

... while his superfans have problems buying tickets. [Daily Mirror]

Kanye West's teenage rapping generates counter lawsuit. [AllHipHop]

Eminem starts war of words with Richard Gere. [Daily Mirror]

Charlotte Church fashions a new Bush cover. [The Sun]

Peter Kay plots "mental" ideas for the new Texas video. [The Sun]

And finally...

Nikki Sixx swaps Motley Crue for the National Geographic. [WHAM]

Wednesday

Madonna married faux cockney Guy Ritchie to make her look good. [UK-Flava]

Kylie goes home for Christmas. [UK-Flava]

Green Day plot Bush-baiting movie. [The Sun]

Liam Gallagher turns his rusty guns on Alex Kapranos. [The Sun]

Britney bounces out another surprise. [MTV]

Channel 4 flop indie band bloke scoops the bloody lottery. [Daily Mirror]

Diddy spends two hundred grand tarting up his van. [The Sun]

and finally...

Snoop Dogg launches revolting snack item. [AllHipHop]

Tuesday

Simon Webbe panicking over battle with Madonna. [Daily Record]

Britney Spears goes shopping for knickers. [Daily Mirror]

Video game soundtracks now on iTunes. [MTV]

Robbie Williams seems to be having a row with showbiz psychics. [Daily Record]

The Corrs pick up pretend MBEs. [Female First]

The Black Crowes drummer flies the band. [Playlouder]

Rod Stewart doesn't think modern cocaine is worth taking. [Daily Mirror]

Stevie Wonder loves Beyonce, Jay-Z, Maroon 5... everyone, really. [Playlouder]

and finally...

Michael Jackson is now working with his own children. [Gigwise]

Monday

Jack White: Call me Three Quid. [Ananova]

Madonna told "you're not going out like that!" [The People]

... and gets all upset by web pirates. [The Sun]

... and gets slated by Goldfrapp. [Gigwise]

Roger Daltrey not impressed by Paul McCartney, Pete Doherty, Heather Mills... [Sunday Mirror]

Heidi Sugababe surprised to find New York busy. [Sunday Mirror]

Rachel Stevens: no charity case. [Sunday Mirror]

Robbie Williams isn't very good at "it". [Daily Mirror]

... so he asks Shaggy for help. [Daily Snack]

Dannii Minogue yearns for a good whip. [The Sun]

and finally...

A Robbie Williams impersonator upsets kids by being too realistic. [The Sun]

Friday

Coldplay, Green Day, Robbie Williams and Gorillaz win MTV awards. [BBC News]

Will Young reveals that "homoeroticism is fantastic". [The Guardian]

Michael Jackson's dad sets out to clean-up hip-hop. [FemaleFirst]

Diddy investigated for breaking election rules. [AllHipHop]

Beach Boy Mike Love seems to be an absolute bastard. [E! Online]

Sharon Osbourne has another go at Bruce Dickinson in old folk's scrap. [NME]

Britney Spears kicks out the Federline. Perhaps. [ITN]

and finally...

Sony-BMG CDs are caught putting unremovable hidden files into PCs. [BBC News]

Thursday

Fiddy chooses Dubya over Kanye. [Jam]

James Bourne still dreaming of his missing millions. [The Sun]

Christina Aguilera wants a minute of her fans' time. [MTV]

MySpace.com to become a record label. [Hollywood Reporter]

Korn make a movie with Snoop. [Undercover]

Romeo from the So Solids enjoys his turn in court. [Daily Snack]

... as Ken Livingstone wakes up from four year snooze to call So Solid bad role models. [The Sun]

and finally...

Girls Aloud reckon TV talent shows have got rubbish since their day. [Ananova]

Wednesday

Kanye West apparently not too hot on paying bills. [WHAM-TV]

Sarah Harding out of Girls Aloud would love more sex but just can't fit it in. [The Sun]

Lee Ryan: no fan of stinky toilets. [Daily Mirror]

Marilyn Manson hasn't pissed off after all. [MTV]

Alex Parks tounguelashes taTu. [Gay.com]

Snow Patrol cover Kim Wilde's brother. [Daily Record]

and finally...

Under the MC Hammer time: big-trousered rapper flogs back catalogue. [MTV]

Tuesday

Madonna: "I'd have been better off as a Nazi!" [BBC News]

Cheryl Tweedy plays nursemaid to injured Ashley Cole. [Daily Mirror]

Fran Healy is the daddy now. [The Sun]

Javine in hospital with exploding bits. [Daily Mirror]

Franz Ferdinand have a crack at a Sexy Boy. [Albumvote]

Ex-Pistol Steve Jones unimpressed by Good Charlotte 'punks'. [Gigwise]

and finally...

Microsoft faces a lawsuit for violating a drummer's integrity. [Eurogamer]

Monday

Eminem turned his back on starving kids, says Saint Bob. [Contact Music]

Pete Doherty: definitely moved on from Kate. [News of the World]

Pete Doherty: definitely NOT moved on from Kate. [Sunday Mirror]

Lady Sovereign claims Gordon Brown as a fan. [The Sun]

Jarvis Cocker bemoans Britain today and "people excited by sofas". [NME]

Madonna says she can't "do superficial". [AOL Music]

But... Sharon Osbourne doesn't like her much. Or Pete Doherty. Or Mick Jagger. Or Bono and Diana Ross. Oh, or Bryan Ferry. [The Sun]

... while Noel Gallagher has a pop at Franz Ferdinand, the Kaiser Chiefs and Robbie Williams. [Australian Daily Telegraph]

The Game refuses to play the game and gets arrested. [GameShout]

Franz Ferdinand treat Yanks to different single to us. [Daily Record]

and finally...

Lenny Kravitz still suffering after his toilet accident. [NME]

Friday

Britney Spears reckons Kevin Federline's music is laughably bad. [ContactMusic]

Justin Hawkins reckons British music is laughably bad. [ContactMusic]

Bob Geldof gets love from Gorbachev and chums. [The Sun]

50 Cent hearts Glasgow. [Daily Record]

Michael Jackson records slightly less star-studded charity single. [Billboard]

... While James Bourne finds it tough being his pal. [IOL]

and finally...

Alfie do the decent thing and call it a day. [6Music]

Thursday

The Magic Numbers announce February shows. [Gigwise]

Girls Aloud vs Charlotte Church: welcome to round two. [The Sun]

Kano show cancelled to protect public safety. [NME]

Arctic Monkeys: "We'd rather quit than turn into the Kaiser Chiefs". [Gigwise]

Sugababes gamely agree to tour together. [Ananova]

Robbie Williams puts a door fee on his website. [Daily Snack]

... Maybe newly converted Robbie fan Liam Gallagher will be interested? [Daily Record]

Janet Jackson denies secret motherhood. [Daily Snack]

Sway writes rap about the next Rhyme Minister. [The Sun]

and finally...

A lifelong Donny Osmond fan finally meets her idol, and to celebrate changes her name to Donni Osmond. [Daily Record]

Wednesday

Girls Aloud now smaller and made of plastic. [Ananova]

Bob Geldof calls Live8 a big bomb. [Chartsingles]

Blur died without Graham, reckons Damon Albarn . [Contact Music]

Coldplay promise better lyrics next time. [Daily Record]

Stone Roses release a new (ish) single. [AlbumVote]

Peter Gabriel signed up to direct World Cup celebrations. [News.com.au]

Cam'ron: police ponder if "carjacking" was an assassination attempt . [Washington Post]

Sharleen Spiteri says Madonna is still "hungry for it". [MTV]

and finally...
Now the deaf can 'hear' music with their hands. [Daily Mirror]

Tuesday

Chris Martin, Sexiest Vegetarian of the Year, isn't actually vegetarian. Or sexy. [Daily Mirror]

Liam Gallagher is so not bovvered about Babyshambles. [Gigwise]

Janet Jackson reveals 'offspring malfunction'. [WHAM-TV]

Justin Timberlake defends Britney's privacy. [Daily Snack]

Radiohead are "washed up" burbles Thom Yorke. [NME]

Robbie Williams: what a cock. [The Sun]

Michael Jackson returns stuff he never quite bought. [Associated Press]

Ricky Kaiser Chief collapses after gig. [The Sun]

Test Icicles appal Arctic Monkeys fans. [Entertainmentwise]

And finally...

Bono claims Yoko wants him to think of Lennon as his daddy. [Ananova]

Monday

Jarvis Cocker stopped from releasing Harry Potter album. [The Sun]

Bono believes he could have saved Michael Hutchence. [Gigwise]

... and that he invented the Rolling Stones show. [Contact Music]

Cliff Richard is taking up a fight against online touts. [Daily Mirror]

Lee Ryan wants to be a bigger tit. [Daily Mirror]

Charlotte Church turns to satanism. [Daily Mirror]

Cam'ron shot in a botched carjacking. [Rap News Network]

Kylie isn't desperately seeking cures, says her manager. [BBC News]

Madonna nearly got shot of Guy. [Sunday Mirror]

...and Britney Spears is having a bumpy time of things, say "friends". [News of the World]

Jamelia gives birth to a not-so-tiny Tiani. [Daily Mirror]

And finally...

At long last, Ringo Starr wins a poll. For best substitute. [The Sun]