2:37pm

Anyone would think a major football competition was going on by the look of Embrace, who, apart from Danny, are all decked out in En-ger-land shirts. They lead with current chart-topper 'World At Your Feet', Danny getting so close to us during the number that we almost think we can smell his Old Spice, or whatever it is that menfolk wear these days. Phew-ee!

Next up on the Embrace bill is 'Nature's Law'. Embrace might be pleased to know that showbiz presenter extraordinaire Vernon Kaye was seen bopping along and not so secretly loving this little ditty. One might say they've officially 'made it'. Again. Wowee!

2:53pm

We've often thought it a shame that people don't wear hats anymore like proper genteel folk, so our insides felt a little bit squishy when we see the hat-tastic wonder that is Orson. Jaunty hats, flat caps, literally all the hats you could ever wish for. Well, two.

Hats firmly in place, Orson start singing 'Bright Idea' which is a 'bright idea' because everyone starts singing and smiling at each other. After this it's 'No Tomorrow' time, which is a good cue for the crowd to start cheering and being happy. Perhaps a bit happier than when they played 'Bright Idea'. It's a tough world out there folks.

3:04pm

How are we all Feeling now? Are we Feeling like we might want to hear The Feeling? We Feel we are! The five boys of Ver Feeling bounce onto the stage like five prepschool boys let loose for the afternoon, although we bet they wouldn't get a detention for this performance. They start on 'Fill My Little World' and make us feel so happy that we could cry.

Shortly afterwards, they play 'Sewn' and we want to cry properly like Nikki from Big Brother but the security guard is giving us funny looks so we decide to clap and cheer like the rest of 'them'. Yikes!

3:15pm

The day has been a triumph for June Sarpong. Wandering round the stage, cackling and trying to work out whether she's beaming live to the nation or not. A perfect June afternoon.

After The Sarp successfully introduces Matt Willis to the watching world, Willis gets screamed at by 30,000 screamers. They seem to like him, but did 30,000 people go out and buy 'Up All night'? No they did not. When Matt throws away his sunglasses into the crowd, he, like the rest of us, has probably decided that the sun is not on its way. Thank you the British summer.

Matt is excellent of course, and next single 'Hey Kid' sounds rather spectacular, even if the audience are looking elsewhere. Probably at the girl who has just put on some bunny ears. Ho. Ho. Matt and his band - including a new handsome guitarist - say goodbye and go home. He was very good indeed and is still a very good popstar. Today he has shown up a lot of lazy pop chancers AS CHARLATANS.

3:26pm

Without any fuss, there are suddenly some ladies on stage. They are dancers so chances are Razorlight aren't waiting in the wings.

It's Dannii Minogue, in fact, who does a very good job of remembering all the words and all her dance moves. It's almost as if her microphone isn't plugged in.

Sadly for Dannii, the crowd look bored shitless. That bunny girl must be doing a dance or something. If she set herself on fire and stood on stage yelling 'I'm over HERE', people still wouldn't look up from the text messages they are sending. Perhaps if she'd sung 'This Is It' things would have been different. Instead we get the new single and a medley of her recent hits. She also doesn't do herself any favours by annoucing her support for Australia in the World Cup to a nation of flag waving England fans.

3:37pm

Razorlight ARE on next. And apart from almost being able to see Johnny Borell's knob through his jeans its all a bit ho-hum. 'Golden Touch' and 'In the Morning'. Stood still, being quite good. Nothing to get excited about, but the crowd do nonetheless. It's almost as if nobody cares about the pop acts because guitar bands are 'hot'. Fancy that.




3:53pm

This thought prompts us to consider that we have discovered a new Golden Rule of popular music, but then along comes Simon Webbe to mess up our shocking find. The world's most surprisingly popular popstar is still, surprisingly, popular. Cue the screams people saved up during the Dannii set.

The woman pretending to sing all the squeaky bits is, however, fooling no one, yet the crowd scream on. 'Eeek', 'woo' etc. He's a bit dull, but he's not dreadful and he's in tune. So well done Simon.


4:04pm

Time for another guitar band? Yes. And who, well only 'one of the biggest bands in the world', apparently. Who could it be? Boy Kill Boy, that's who. A band who are good, but one of the biggest in the world? We think they wrote their own introduction. 'Suzie' and 'Civil Sin' are sung and it is another outing for 'that' hairline and hair so straight you could use it to put up the shelves. Thank you Boy Kill Boy.



4:15pm

And how are the Pet Shop Boys feeling this afternoon? Pleased to be warming up for Shayne Ward? You bet. Neil Tennant certainly knows his way around a costume department and is wearing a lovely gold ensemble. Perhaps he wanted to go into the Big Brother house and have a pint of water thrown at him by a pob-faced lady brute. Chris Lowe hasn't really made the effort, but has probably had his colours done recently and learned that gold is so not him 'and so on'.

Kids scream and kids wave. They don't have a clue at whom. There are some mildly amusing dancers and a costume change. Well done the camp lords of pop.



4:31pm

There have been a lot of good bands so far and, no doubt, a lot more to come. But who might be the most popular of the day? Only bloody Feeder. Who'd have thought? There is a lot of excitement for Feeder but a lot more for Martin Fowler who has made an appearence at the front of the crowd. Is he selling marrow? No. It's his day off and he, like us, Bonnie and 30,000 others, is just having a lovely day out.

Why are Feeder so popular? Well it's because their songs are easy to remember and always get really loud in the chorus. The three songs they sing, 'Lost & Found', that one about lemons and something slow that is the new single, and all get loud and then go a bit quieter. You might call them 'anthemic', we'd prefer the term 'a bit samey'.



4:47pm

We love a good secret, especially when it's a properly good one like Hard Fi playing a slot at T4 On The Beach and not some div kid who smells of orange squash fancying us. So high five to Hard Fi for being that special secret. Phew and all that. We're even more pleased when lovely eyed singer Richard sings about cash machines, because we've been looking for one of those all day. Richard's usefulness aside, it's 'Hard To Beat' that really gets the crowd jigging about the place. Bonus points to Richard for making a pun on his own song title by asking the crowd if they're having fun and then hilariously saying,"Well you better do better than that." 'OMG'.



5:02pm

Big gospel choir, check. White blazer, check. Big weepy songs, check. That can mean only one thing readers - Shayne Ward's in the house. He excitably whizzes through 'Stand By Me' and 'That's My Goal' like whizzing through them is actually his 'goal'. Saying what he does on the tin. Brilliant. We were even more amazed that Shayne managed to sing like an angel and not run off crying after seeing a sea of banners with his head on them. Only the heads all looked a lot more like Gail Porter than Shayne Ward.

Best quote of the gig goes to the girl with a boy's voice who boomed out: "What's that baldy doing here?" What indeed.



5:13pm

Is it a bird? (Yes, it's Chantelle.) Is it a plane? (Yes it's an aeroplane display team.) Is it The Ordinary Boys? (Yes it is!) And as '9-5' starts we wonder just where is the first lady of the 'hood Lady Sovereign? There's a distinct lack of shiny gold on the stage and we can't see anyone chuffing on a cheeky Sovereign and no, Will, guitarist of Ordinary Boys miming along does not a Lady Sovereign maketh. So just where is she? We can't think of anything else more important for her to be doing than 'la la la-ing' along. Cop out.

Anyway, we enjoy Preston and co because they do their song 'Seaside' which is as you say, 'apt' and then roar through 'Boys Will Be Boys'. Best of all is that we know the Boys are really concentrating because Preston has his tongue sloshed out throughout their gig. That's proof that they're working hard if any.



5:26pm

And FINALLY - the sun comes out for Will Young, which makes an odd sort of sense seeing as Will Young originally came out in The Sun. Or was it the News Of The World? Either way, he storms his way through a three-song set which for some reason doesn't include 'Leave Right Now', a huge oversight for which the Pop Police would probably bang Will up - and not in the good way. On a lighter note, the sun - which has been hiding behind some complicated meteoroligical things called 'clouds' for most of the day - continues to beam, and Will steals the show. He almost gives it back again when he finishes on 'Love The One You're With', but The Kids are pleased and so are their mothers.

And with that, the show is over. Sarpong is hanging up her earrings, Martin Fowler is thinking about fingering his spuds, and a convoy of people carriers carries people home - to London, to Glasgow, to farflung places we have never visited and, tragically, may never visit. The Slashmusic motor is running and so, viewers, we must say 'cheerio' to you lot... And we'll see you next year! (Subject to permission from the local council, etc.)

Hurrah!

Millions more pictures here!