1. Hello Liberty X. Can you name Adam and Eve's sons?
Michelle: Cain...
Tony: ...and Able.
Bah, too easy.
2. How many humans were on Noah's Ark?
Kevin: One.
Tony: Two.
Michelle: None.
Kelli: Noah and his wife were on there!
Sorry guys, there were eight. Noah, his wife, their three sons and their wives.
Kevin: Where's the proof?!
3. What did the disciple Peter do when Jesus was arrested in the garden of Gethsemane?
Michelle: Denied him three times?
Tony: Did he cut someone's ear off?
Correct! Tony takes an early lead!
4. What sea did Moses part?
All: The Red Sea!
The X know their Exodus.
5. What happened to Lot's wife?
Tony: I read this yesterday. I swear to God I read something about this guy yesterday. Shit, I'm really sorry. I saw his name briefly though I didn't read the story.
Kevin: Leprosy? Did she come back from the dead?
No. She turned to a pillar of salt.
Jessica: Oh yes. He said "Don't look back" and she did.
Kevin: It's blatantly a lie, I think.
6. Who was the oldest man in the bible?
Tony: This is a different fact, but one strand of tradition believes that Joseph was ninety when he married Mary. And had a few kids by a different woman.
Kelli: Oh no, that's not right.
Kevin: The oldest man... Abraham, Isaac? God, definitely...
It was Methuselah who lived to be 969.
Jessica: That is old.
Kevin: No offence but to anyone who hasn't read the bible that sounds like a load of tosh. Turning to salt!? Nine hundred and sixty year old people!?
You couldn't make it up.
7. What did the tax collector Zaccheus do, in order to see Jesus? You may remember this from the popular children's song.
Tony: Climbed up a sycamore tree.
Jessica: [singing] ...in the sycamore tree. Merry merry king of the bush is he... (This is not, in fact, the Zaccheus song but a new Richard X-style bootleg mix of the Zaccheus song vs The Kookaburra song. Brilliant!)
8. Who wore clothing made of camel hair and ate locusts and wild honey?
Tony: John the Baptist.
Right, Tony's too good so here's a really tough one:
9. With what unique currency did David buy his first wife from Saul?
Michelle: Erm, a camel, a sheep... beans!
Kelli: No that's Jack & The Beanstalk!
Tony: Magic mushrooms.
Michelle: His mother.
Wow! No, Saul offered his sister to David for the princely sum of 100 Philistines' foreskins. David, obviously very keen on the lady, actually presented Saul with 200. That's a lot of foreskin.
10. What is the first commandment?
Michelle: Wrath? Thou shalt always get a boner! Thou shalt not wear white pants after Labour Day! Thou shalt never go out without knickers on?
You're guessing now.
It is "Thou shalt have no other gods before me."
Michelle: But then he's admitting there's other gods!
Kelli: That is controversial, Michelle.
Michelle: Oh my god, there's other gods!
Jessica: Thou shalt not take the Lord's name in vain!
And there we have it. Tony's place in the heavenly choir is assured. The other Xers might have to blag it at the pearly gates. Satan's hot poker awaits Michelle, though. She's a bad girl.
