Greetings Kano. My, but you don't look too perky! Right now, how happy are you on a scale of one to ten?

Five. But if no one likes my album then that score will go down. I think if the label gave me another advance, the same as Mike Skinner's, then that would make me happy.

Money doesn't bring happiness. How much cash do you have on you now?

One pound thirty. That's what's left of the record company advance!

Maybe you need the love of a good woman, that'd sort you out.

I don't know what love is. I asked myself that recently. I just wondered: would I know if I had it? Would I know that it's there? If I can get a girl to live with me one day and make me a cup of tea in the morning - she loves me.

Have you met any potential Ms Rights recently?

Oh my god! I took a girl home from Scotland. She wasn’t that nice. I don't know why I told you that. I'm ashamed!

Hmm, have you ever, er, how can we put this… Have you ever wanted to be a lady?

Never! Maybe for half an hour in the girls’ toilets in P.E. Hahaha!

You see! You’re feeling better already! Now, do you know any good jokes?

My uncle told me this: a man goes to Ireland and he's looking for tools. He asks an Irishman if there's a B&Q in Ireland and he says, "No, there's an 'I', there's an 'r', there's an 'e' . . .

Yes, marvellous. Um, not wishing to be morbid or anything, but what do you hope God will say when you get to heaven?

"You're definitely in the right place. And you're sharing a room with Aaliyah!"

That's nice. Who would be your ideal dinner guests?

Pele, Tupac and Biggie. No, I couldn't invite both of them. That would be a mad thing. I'll invite Biggie and Bob Marley. It would be peaceful then.

Which are best, aliens or dinosaurs?

Dinosaurs, 'cause I know they don't exist anymore. I don't know about aliens, they might be around. I used to like dinosaurs when I was a kid and I used to draw them. My favourite was the T-Rex.

He was big and growly. What's the best thing you've ever found in a hedge?

In a hedge? Probably a wallet. It had some money in it.

Back to money again? Is there anything you could happily live without?

I could happily live without my nose, in summer. I get hay fever and it fucks me up.

Right, well we're off to visit our elderly grandmother now. You could join us, but how should we introduce you?

Don't play her 'Ghetto Kid', she might not let me in the house! You should say I'm a creative young man who makes music and that I'm quiet and respectful.

Righto, she'll believe anything. Let's go then, Kano. Kano? Oh, he's gone!

Watch Kano videos