36. Funeral For A Friend have a big hit at number 36 with 'Monsters'. I can remember vividly the funeral for my friend Rosemary. They played 'Angels' by Robbie Williams, and someone left a wreath of flowers in the shape of a football because Rosemary loved football. She died when a cow fell on her. It was very sad. Funeral For A Friend are from Wales but make American rock music, which just goes to show that anyone can do it.



33. Congratulations to R Kelly and Game! No, they haven't got married. I do not even think they are gay. No, these two giants of hip hop have joined together to make 'Playa's Only', which is a big success. The title reminds me of the time Dawn got allowed into the player's lounge at Colchester F.C. I think the team must have given her a session of soccer practice as she couldn't walk for days afterwards.



29. It's always nice to welcome new people into the chart, so this week, welcome Big Ang featuring Siobhan. I don't want to show favouritism, but their song 'It's Over Now' might be my favourite hit in the charts this week. 'It's Over Now' is an old song by Deborah Cox who I don't think I can remember, but it is now sung by Siobhan Gallagher who I can reveal is not Noel or Liam's sister but a different person who is not related to them at all. (I bet she is grateful about that. Ho ho!)



27. My Chemical Romance are one of the gothic groups like Marilyn Manson and The Bravery that are getting very popular now. Their song 'The Ghost Of You' is doing well because it is Hallowe'en in two months, and I expect people are buying this to frighten each other. Oooh!





22. Elbow have not been in the charts for a while, but they have not let it get them down, and have come back very successfully with this song, 'Forget Myself'. My sister Dawn says that I do not know my arse from my elbow, the cheeky so-and-so! This is not arse, this is Elbow. And they are good.



20. Gosh! I bet you would not expect Sir Paul McCartney to be in the charts, but he is. I expect it is because of the rivalry that his old group The Beatles had with the Rolling Stones that Paul has released this new song 'Fine Line', to compete with the new record by the Rolling Stones that went in the charts last week. Well, it looks like The Beatles are still the best because Sir Paul's record is at number twenty and the Rolling Stones have fallen down. Mick Jagger is skinnier though. I would like his body when I am that age. But with breasts.




12. KT Tunstall has been on lots of posters that I have seen, but this is the first time I have heard her record, which I must say is impressive. I wondered if KT stood for something but I have found out that it doesn't. KT is from Scotland and you can hear her Scots accent very strongly on 'Suddenly I See', which makes her not only a role model for young women but also for anyone who has been born with an accent. It must be hard.




11. Gwen Stefani is proving that just because you are beautiful like she is, that does not mean you are necessarily an idiot who cannot do anything but smile and take your knickers off. 'Cool' is another good song that is completely different from her other songs, so you may not even know it is her until the DJ says who it is at the end of the song and then you would be like "Oh! I did not know that was Gwen Stefani, she sounds so different but also good." It is at number eleven.





9. Les Rythmes Digitales ayez des dix principaux frappés avec 'Jacques Your Body (Make Me Sweat)' qui est l'air de thème à l'annonce au sujet d'une voiture qui est également un robot dansant. Mon Français écrit n'est pas aussi bon mais moi était excellent à oral.

Ho ho! I have written that one all in French so I hope you can all have a good try at reading it.

[Translation: "Les Rhythmes Digitales of the of the ten principal ones struck with 'Jacques Your Body (Make Me Sweat)' who is the air of topic to the advertisement about a car which is also a dancing robot. My written French is not also good but me was excellent with oral examination." Auntie Gail failed her French O-Level - Ed]


8. You have no idea how happy I am that David Gray is back in the charts. In many ways, he is the godfather to all of the good music now. If there was a concert that featured James Blunt and David Gray and I had a front row seat then I would not mind if I was attacked and killed on the way home because it would be so good. 'The One I Love' is so beautiful that I listen to it laying in bed and I am touched deep inside.



4. This is not Britney Spears. Ha ha! I bet you thought it was for a moment because I did. This is actually Jessica Simpson, who is famous for marrying a man on television. But that is not all she can do because she has made the old song 'These Boots Are Made For Walking' sound modern and sexy. Also on this record, even though it doesn't say so on the front, is Willie Nelson, who is a famous cowboy singer.



1. Wow! Ten years ago today were the Britpop wars where Oasis and Blur fought (not literally but almost) to see who was the best band. Blur won that time and they have won again because Gorillaz, as you may know, are actually Blur in disguise and 'Dare' has knocked their arch enemies Oasis off the top spot. They have made monkeys out of them. Though that is not hard because Oasis look a bit like monkeys. Ha ha! They are still good though.

There has been a lot of things written in the papers about rock singer Courtney Love having the baby of Alan Partridge. People have said cruel things about how it would not have happened if he weren't a rich comedian because he is actually ugly. This is very cruel as Courtney obviously loves him for who he is and not what he looks like, and if she can find love after the tragic death of her husband, the rocker Kurt Cobain (who shot his own face off), then we should wish her luck. I am sure they will both make excellent parents because she can sing to the baby and he can tell it jokes.