100. 'Rat In Mi Kitchen' by UB40
The year was 1987, it was January - traditionally a slow month for singles sales - and popular Birmingham reggae group UB40 released a song about a rat. Only it wasn’t really about a rat, it was about a man. We think.
"There's a rat in mi kitchen what am I gonna do?" sang Ali Campbell, or one of the ‘others’, at the start of the number 12 hit. "I'm gonna fix that rat that's what I'm gonna do!" came the almost immediate reply.
The song came to no further conclusion other than yes, there’s a rat in the kitchen and yes, they do intend to fix it (the rat clearly being broken in some way - perhaps it had a leg off). Repeat to fade.
Maybe it’s a political allegory? Yes, that'll be it.
99. 'The Birdie Song' by The Tweets
Making Crazy Frog's 'Axel F' sound like 'Karma Police', novelty idiots The Tweets dressed up as fluffy chicks and provided the tune guaranteed - to this day - to get pissed uncles dancing like twats at wedding receptions. It had a 'routine' which involved wiggling your arse and doing beak movements with your hands; tragically, this was the last dance performed on ‘Top Of The Pops’ by Legs & Co before they were retired.
Despite its ubiquity, 'The Birdie Song' was held off the number one spot in 1981 by Adam & The Ants’ 'Prince Charming'. The ant is mightier than the bird.
98. The lion in Madonna's 'Like A Virgin' video
Madonna's 1984 breakthrough single about losing your cherry needed something big and symbolic. Lions = virility + scary. Grrragh!
We don't know the lion's name (we'll call him Colin) but Madge was quoted as saying: "The lion didn't do anything he was supposed to do, and I ended up leaning against a pillar with his head in my crotch." There are absolutely no jokes we can think of to make about that statement. None at all.
The video also featured a man in a lion mask who'd presumably turned up just in case something had gone wrong with Colin and nobody had the heart to tell him he wasn't needed anymore.
97. The Byrds
Formed in the Summer of 1964 and finding fame with their chiming cover of Bob Dylan's 'Mr Tambourine Man', Roger McGuinn's folk rock pioneers were called The Byrds and not The Birds simply because The Beatles were called The Beatles and not The Beetles.
Quite a dull reason really; however, the misspelling did cause Elvis Presley to once announce to a member of the British press that he was a big fan of "your Beatles and your Beards," which was quite funny.
96. Seal
Seal is Seal's actual real name. You'd think he'd have made it up, to sound like Sting or Bono, or gained it as a nickname at school after performing a trick using a ball and his nose. But no, Mr and Mrs Samuel named their son Seal Henry on the day he was born, the 'Henry' presumably added in case he didn't grow up to be an esoteric rock star with a voice like a low-flying aircraft. Phew, eh?
95. 'Honey To The Bee' by Billie
In 1999, teen starlet and future Mrs Doctor Who Billie Piper's third single employed every pop writer's greatest weapon - the extended metaphor.
"Honey to the bee, that's you for me," went the chorus, making no sense whatsoever since bees are not actually attracted to honey.
Rather, they produce it from nectar, which is sucked from the honey bee's stomach by worker bees then chewed, spat out, and spread about the walls of their house. Which is probably not the romantic image the writer intended. Then again, this is a song which begins "Mmm mmm mmm, come on buzz me up to heaven," which conjures up images of a very different, battery powered, kind of love. So who knows?
94. 'Beetlebum' by Blur
In February 1997, still waving their Britpop crowns about, mockney artrockers Blur released 'Beetlebum' and the public bought it in sufficiently large amounts to make it their second number one single.
What's it all about? Who can tell?
"She's a gun, now what you done, Beetlebum
She'll suck your thumb, she'll make you come."
Face it - you don't know what that's about either, other than it's smut. Quite frankly, it's probably best we don't know what a beetlebum is. It's probably something quite nasty. [Shudder].
93. Wolfman
During one of his many enforced holidays from the Libertines, walking just-say-no-campaign Pete Doherty dragged his new buddy Peter Wolfe into the top five in 2004 with their song 'For Lovers'. Not to be confused with legendary gruff-voiced US DJ Wolfman Jack, this Wolfman didn't look or sound much like a wolf. He looked and sounded more like a useless, filthy, heroin addict. Wonder if he was?
92. McFly
McFly took their name from the character Marty McFly out of the ‘Back To The Future’ films. Marty McFly was played by actor Michael J Fox who also appeared as Teenwolf in the popular movie of the same name. So that's three animals there already - a fly and a fox and a werewolf.
McFly's bassist is Dougie Poynter. A Pointer is a kind of dog...
Anyway, lots of McFly-related animals is what we're saying.
91. 'Rock Lobster' by The B-52s
Wacky, bouffant-haired, alternative rockers The B-52s released 'Rock Lobster' as their debut single in 1979 but it wasn't a proper hit until 1986. The song manages to namecheck 14 other animals, including manta rays, sea-robins, narwhals and clams, so truly deserves its place in the animal top 100. It is very annoying though.
Next week: numbers 90 to 81!
