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Penny Blyth's household manual
Before filming starts, each wife writes a manual explaining how their house is run. Below are highlights from Penny's manual.
HOUSEHOLD CHORES
How often do you clean your home?
I don't clean my house; we have a cleaner who comes for 6 hours a week. She cleans the entire house twice a week and every fortnight she does a full spring clean, cleaning inside the cupboards and oven.
I wouldn't like to clean my house myself, I can easily get people to do it for me. I have always been a manager and a delegator.
I don't do much around the house because I am busy making money. I think my mind is better off being used elsewhere.
Kristian thinks a woman who takes pride in her appearance and her house is looking after her marriage. I used to try to do the cleaning but Kristian has very high standards and I didn't come up to scratch so he brought in a cleaner.
Kristian goes around the house after the cleaner has been and complains he would have done this better and that better, although he would never say anything to the cleaner just to me.
Who does the general cleaning around the house?
The cleaning is done by the cleaner. She comes three days a week for 2 hours a time.
Kristian is very particular about the cleaning but he knows I am useless at it. I'm not the tidiest of people, but Kristian is obsessively tidy. I am not allowed to use the en suite shower in case I mark it; it has never been used. Kristian thinks I'm going to ruin it with my hair dye. It bothered me at first that I couldn't use the en suite but you learn to live with these things when you live with Kristian.
If there are three mugs Kristian will run the dishwasher, I would just leave it. He doesn't like anything out of place.
WHO DOES THE FOLLOWING, AND HOW OFTEN?
Vacuuming?
The cleaner does the vacuuming three days a week.
I only do it if Harvey has dropped crumbs from eating crisps, which is very rare and I only vacuum the crumbs not the whole carpet.
Kristian does not do the vacuuming.
Dusting?
The cleaner does the dusting three days a week. Me and Kristian do not do the dusting.
Ironing?
I never wear anything that has not been ironed, I need to look immaculate. I need to be completely ironed because I am all image, image, image. I spend all day at work looking in a mirror so I need to feel confident. I don't do my own ironing because I'm not that type of woman. I'm a business woman and a manager. I think a manager should be managing, not doing menial tasks.
Mine and Kristian's ironing gets dropped off at the ironing shop on a Tuesday and Thursday. We have a lot of ironing and it usually fills the back seat of the car.
I will sometimes, maybe once a week, iron a couple of things for Harvey if my moisturiser is taking a while to sink in or my mum will iron some of Harvey's clothes.
Cleaning the bathroom?
The cleaner cleans the bathrooms three days a week.
It used to bother me that Kristian won't let me use the en suite but you get used the these things when you live with Kristian.
Clothes washing?
I wash all of our clothes. I do about two loads of washing a week. I will part dry it in the dryer and then put it on the radiator and then they are ready for ironing. You have to guard the machine because Harvey likes to play with the dials, he recently turned all of my whites to yellow.
I'm not very good at keeping on top of it though, I run out of time. There are usually two bags hidden under the stairs.
Kristian doesn't do any clothes washing. I once asked him to hang out the washing and he hung the dirty washing outside on the line and I was horrified! I think he did it on purpose so I wouldn't ask him again.
Cleaning the kitchen?
The cleaner cleans the kitchen three days a week. She will clean inside the cupboards and oven every other week. I will wipe the surfaces if I have to.
COOKING / MEALS
How often do you sit down and eat together?
We eat all over the house. We have only used our dining room table for Xmas dinner and once I think we used it for a take away.
Where do you eat?
Harvey eats at the kitchen table or in the lounge in front of the TV. Me and Kristian eat wherever we are, either at the kitchen table or Kristian will eat at the computer playing games while I stand up in the kitchen.
Who prepares meals?
I can't cook!
I'm the best tin heater in the world. I've burnt Christmas dinner and I have made a cake without margarine.
We live a very convenient lifestyle. We live on take-away and meals that can be cooked in 3 minutes. All of our food is processed. Slim fast is my food on the go and Kristian has a selection of meals in tins.
I could probably fly a rocket to the moon but I can't cook. I could probably manage somebody's oil empire but I couldn't manage someone's kids and get them fed and ready for school. But I could hire a nanny to do it!
I think Kristian would like someone to cook him food, just not me because I can't cook.
Does Kristian help with dinner?
I can't remember the last time Kristian fed Harvey. Kristian doesn't like feeding Harvey, he gets impatient and agitated. He gets really stressed with even the simplest of stuff like Harvey throwing food, Kristian likes a clean house. Harvey is always out of the house during the day and I'm the one who brings him home in the evening so I'm always there to prepare his food.
Kristian doesn't wait around for food, if he's hungry he will open a tin or a ready meal and heat it up. He will also bring a take away.
DAILY ROUTINE
What time do you get up?
I get up at 7am on a Tuesday and Friday when Harvey is at creche and 7.15am every other day.
Do you ever get a lie-in?
We get a lie in together once a month. Every four weeks Kristian gets a full weekend off work. If one of the grandparents can look after Harvey over night we go out and have a big night out, get drunk and then have a lie in on Sunday.
How do you spend your week-day evenings?
On weekday evenings, after dinner Harvey controls the TV until about 8.30pm when he usually watches Tellytubbies. Harvey gets his two toy boxes out in the living room and I will play with him. I also check my emails, surf the internet and buy things online. If it's Friday I will do payroll for most of the evening, I hate it, it keeps me busy all night and I have no time for myself.
Harvey has a bath every night at about 8.30pm and he never complains. He has bubbles and toys and makes ice cream with the bubbles. He has his hair washed every night and towel-dried. I think it is important to bath Harvey everyday to help relax him for bed so he will sleep better. It is also our intimate time together.
I bath him every night apart from Thursday when I work late and my Mum baths and feeds him before bringing him home. There is no Harvey time on a Thursday.
Harvey gets into bed no problem and after his bath we put him into his fleece baby grow and he knows it is time for bed and just curls up and goes to sleep, he's really good like that.
Then I do my night routine, which takes 30mins. I shower and take off my make-up every night but don't wash my hair. I am not allowed to get into bed if I don't have a wash, because Kristian likes me clean. I use face cream and eye cream. I also apply Vaseline to my lips and eyebrows.
After my shower I watch TV, surf the internet and potter around. If Kristian is home he controls the TV after 8.30pm. Mine and Kristian's time together is governed by his shifts so whenever we have an evening together we watch TV sitting at either end of the sofa massaging each others feet.
What time do you go to bed?
I go to bed at 11pm. I need a good night's sleep. I lead a very busy life and a good nights sleep helps me work better and look good. I sleep with ear plugs and an eye mask. I put a spray on my pillow to induce sleep. I need to do this otherwise I can't sleep because I'm constantly making lists in my head.
I always make a list before I go to bed of things I need to do the following day. I divide the list into 'Things to do' and 'Things to buy'.
Kristian thinks I should go earlier but I need time to relax. Kristian will go to bed at about 11pm if he is doing the early shift, if he is off work the next day he will stay up and play computer games.
DISCIPLINE
Who does the childcare? What does it involve
Harvey's Childcare is split between Grandparents, childminder, creche and me.
I didn't want him to be in a creche all week, childcare is expensive. It would wear out the Grandma's if they had him everyday. By only using each Grandma once a week they are willing to baby sit on a Saturday or Sunday night too.
Harvey likes going to his Grandmother's on a Thursday and a Saturday, so we don't usually have any problems then. When my mum drops off Harvey on Thursday I sometimes yawn and say I'm tired so she will offer to take Harvey for the night and then I can spend a quiet night with Kristian.
Kristian does get to spend time with Harvey depending on his shifts but he worries that it is not 'quality time' because he's usually tired from work.
How do you discipline the children?
Harvey is a good kid and doesn't really need disciplining yet. If Harvey is really naughty like having tantrums and throwing food on the floor we get him to sit on the stairs and smack his hand.
We are trying to potty train him at the moment and it is hell. He is taking off his nappy and pooing around the house. He hates his potty and runs away.
It is very important for us to instil in Harvey the importance of being tidy and polite and having respect for other children and adults, neither of us like rude children.
It is important for me to have people like my child because I've seen other children who are horrendous.
I do worry that Harvey may become a spoiled boy racer but hopefully we are bringing him up right. He takes to people very well.
THE RELATIONSHIP
What tips can you give for coping with Kristian?
Advice I would give for handling Kristian - don't speak until you are spoken to, and I mean that! He can be quite Victorian in his views.
Kristian is very difficult to live with, he has no patience, he only has time for his immediate family. He is very dismissive and doesn't listen to people. Kristian blurts out stuff and it can be really insulting to people. He doesn't care about political correctness and he doesn't like mingers.
Kristian is very particular about things. The house temperature must stay at 22 degrees because that is Kristian temperature, he won't go to bed if the dial is changed.
Image is also important to Kristian. He thinks a woman should look smart, the reason he thinks women put make-up on in the morning is to impress men. He likes a woman to take care of themselves.
Kristian says I am Mrs Fake but he is really vain too, when we go out he will try on about seven outfits and keep asking me if he looks fat. He has a real thing about personal hygiene. He has a shower twice a day, and hates people not using deodorant.
He would like someone to come in and cook him proper meals but she has to look good when she's doing it.
Kristian likes really thin women, but he ended up with me with the Italian arse.
How do you like to be treated?
I hate bad manners, I look for politeness and respect in people. I hate not being appreciated when I go out of my way to help people. When people take advantage of me I snap.
People should appreciate that I know best, because I usually do. Kristian thinks my head is up my own arse but he gives in to me anyway because he loves me to bits.
HOUSE PHILOSOPHY
Please sum up the philosophy of this house and life within it.
We are image conscious and ambitious. Image is everything it's our business. I am a walking advertisement for our business so I must look good.
I am a hands-off type of manager. I think a manager should not spend time doing menial tasks, it's better for me to spend my time making money. I have a hectic life, I don't have the patience to do stuff I don't think is worth me doing, I prefer to pay someone to do it for me. I delegate very well.
I have nothing in common with people who are not driven; I think I can honestly give people advice on how to make their lives better. I hate people who complain about their lives but don't do anything about it. Life is what you make it. I have always had lists of my goals and like to tick them off, I have achieved all of my goals so I'm going to have a new list!
I know life shouldn't be all money, money, money but we really don't want Harvey to have to worry about money. By the time he grows up we want to be millionaires and Harvey will be driving a sports car with personalised plates.
We love our son Harvey very much and he may suffer from the fact he doesn't have a lot of contact with us physically but what we try and do is to have a life goal.
I have no time for people who don't make an effort with their appearance,
people who are just scruffy and have no inclination to have a good haircut or make the best of themselves. I think that everyone should keep themselves clean and tidy and make up doesn't cost a lot, I can transform people for ten pounds. I'm not snobby enough to think people have to have money to look good.
Looking good definitely helps you feel feminine. People treat you so differently - especially men. When I got a flat tyre I had men nearly crashing their cars to help me, it was changed in 15 minutes. I don't think if I went out looking like a dog, people would stop their cars to help me. In this world you get far further in life if you look better.
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