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Bonny's household manual
Before filming starts, each wife writes a manual explaining how their house is run. Below are highlights from Bonny's manual.
HOUSEHOLD CHORES
How often do you clean your home?
I clean my home on weekdays every morning for 3 hours. I clean throughout the house to keep it to Pete's standard. It has to be nice when he gets home. He has a stressful job and he gets stressed when he finds mess at home, so I don't want to add to that. Pete likes to have an orderly home, where everything has a place and there is a place for everything.
Who does the general cleaning around the house?
I do all the cleaning completely voluntarily.
It's a Mindful Wife's duty to ensure that her house is a lovely clean, tidy, restful and harmonious place for her husband to be in. Even though I don't enjoy cleaning, I enjoy the effect that a clean home has on Pete.
If I have had a very busy day and simply have too much to do in the evening then I will ask for help – perhaps with the washing up. Pete will help if he wants to, but it's his decision. If he doesn't want to do it then I accept that decision and do it myself.
Zach never helps out with the cleaning, I do it all. I feel that as a boy he shouldn't have to help because he should understand the duties of a wife, cleaning her home is what a wife should do; this isn't his role and hopefully never will be.
WHO DOES THE FOLLOWING, AND HOW OFTEN?
Vacuuming?
I do the vacuuming every day – downstairs every day and every other day upstairs. I sometimes have to vacuum twice a day because of the dog hair. I sometimes do the wooden floors twice a day with the mop and bucket.
Dusting?
I dust every day. I use polish on the wood, sideboards and piano. I often don't dust things like the lights in the house, but then Pete will point them out to me after a couple of days if he thinks they need dusting – and I will do it there and then.
It's important to me that I get all the cleaning done while Pete is at work – I don't like him seeing me cleaning as it's not romantic. I feel that it's the same with cooking – I like him to see me and the house as a finished product.
Straightening up?
I'm a naturally messy person, so I let the house get a bit out of control while Pete's at work. When Zach gets home from school he tends to mess the place up a bit as well with toys. But I make sure I tidy it up very thoroughly before Pete gets home. Pete has extremely high standards and likes it all to be ship-shape on his return. The toys are put away and then I make sure that Zach doesn't make a mess again. During the evening I'll make sure that I tidy as I go along – for example, all washing up is dried up and put away immediately – because Pete hates clutter. Then I'll tidy up again before we go to bed.
Pete and I don't have a set bed time, we can go to bed straight after Zach is settled if Pete is tired or it can be anything up to 12am. I would never stay up without Pete though we always go to bed together. Because we only have 'Romantic' time properly after Zach has gone to sleep. I want to reward Pete because he has had a stressful day at work. Even if I am tired I will stay up with to keep him company. I like to put him first and be open and available at all times, to make him feel special.
I treat Zach like a little man rather than like a child – I talk to his male spirit and encourage him. Males in society today are put down and not given enough respect.
Ironing?
I hate ironing but I'll do at least half an hour a day in the morning, I separate clothes that need to be ironed; they are put in the cupboard underneath the toaster to be ironed the next day. It's very important to put the clothes away and out of sight. I once left out a pile of ironing and Pete was very stressed about this for days. So I now make sure ironing is out of sight and all other clothes go into drawers straight away.
I make sure that Pete's work shirts are nicely ironed, he chooses what he wants to wear, all shirts have to be washed and ready – they are washed, ironed and hung straight back in the wardrobe. When Pete has a board meeting his shirt needs to be more carefully ironed, and if they are not acceptable to Pete then he will hand them back, so that I can re-iron them.
Every day, I make sure that Zach's school uniform is neatly pressed and I also iron all Zach's other clothes, pillow cases and hankies.
Cleaning the bathroom?
I clean the bathroom every day. Pete cleans the shower because he's the only one who uses it.
When Pete bathes in the evening I put aromatherapy oils into his bath and place his dressing gown and a clean towel in the bathroom. I choose some clean clothes for the evening placing them on the bed. While Pete gets dressed I would go into the bathroom and make sure the bathroom is tidy. It's an important part of our daily ritual because it relaxes Pete after a stressful day at work.
Cleaning the kitchen?
I clean the kitchen every day and clean up immediately after every meal or drink. I don't leave any plates or cups out as Pete doesn't like this. He hates clutter and untidiness annoys him.
COOKING / MEALS
How often do you sit down and eat together?
Pete and I eat breakfast together at 7:45am, I lay out his breakfast and butter his toast and put his cereal in his bowl pour the milk for him and a couple of times a week I squeeze him fresh orange juice. Zach has breakfast after Pete has gone to work at 8am, which I also prepare for him.
The evening meal is at 6:30pm and we all sit down and eat together. I set everything out, including drinks, before Pete and Zach are called to the table where the food is laid out for them. There must be NO shouting: you must politely ask them to come to the table.
I believe that looking after the house, Pete and Zach is an art not just a job or a chore. So everything has to be done mindfully and with care and attention.
Who prepares meals?
I prepare and cook all meals. We always buy the same shopping every week; Pete and Zach decide what we buy, they are picky eaters. I don't like cooking for myself and I would prefer spicy food and fresh produce if I had my choice.
Does Pete help with dinner?
Pete would never cook. It's my role in the house to cook because he is at work all day.
I believe it's a woman's job to cook for her man, a man can cook if he wants to, and if Pete wanted to cook that would be fine – but he doesn't want to.
DAILY ROUTINE
What time do you get up?
I get up at 7am. It makes a huge difference to the atmosphere of the house if the woman is up first, so that she is fresh and ready to take care of her family. This is part of my role as a wife and mother. I think all women should do this for their families.
How much time do you need to get ready in the morning?
I get out of bed and quickly get ready so that I look nice. I go downstairs and make breakfast for Pete. He has muesli, orange juice, tea and toast, which I lay out together with a napkin. It is all ready on the table at 7:30am.
What time do you go to bed?
Pete and I are keen to spend time together when Zach is in bed – I massage Pete every night before he goes to sleep because he sits at a computer all day. This can be anytime between 9:30pm and 12:30am
DISCIPLINE
Who does the childcare? What does it involve
I do all the childcare. I wouldn't say that women shouldn't work, but I would say that work should never be the priority of married women. If work interferes with their ability to be good wives and mothers then they should cut back as much as possible. I feel that it's an instinct for women to look after her children. Nature didn't give men the kind of qualities that make them into good sole carers. Men can be good with children but not as a continuous carer, it's proven that men aren't as good at multi-tasking. I don't believe that a woman can respect a man who she is providing for financially.
How do you discipline Zach?
Zach can be sent to his room if he has been naughty – to think about the effects of his actions on other people. He can lose his temper and he storms around slamming doors and locking then behind him, shouting through the door. He has trouble communicating sometimes if he feels he is not being understood and this is when he gets angry. He needs to be listened to very carefully; he can be easily talked around.
THE RELATIONSHIP
What tips can you give for coping with Pete?
The main thing is to be mindful at all times and treat Pete with respect. Never ever criticise or belittle him or his position in any way. Try to relax him at all times, if you feel like criticising him breath deeply and avoid saying it – things will be a lot easier.
How do you like to be treated?
I like to be cherished like something precious and I like to feel looked after – and Pete does do that.
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