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Christie's household manual
Before filming starts, each wife writes a manual explaining how their house is run. Below are highlights from Christie's manual.
HOUSEHOLD CHORES
How often do you clean your home?
I only clean when we're having a party which is every other week. Why bother unless you have to?
Who does the general cleaning around the house?
Richard does most of the deep cleaning because he's a neat freak. I clean superficially every other Tuesday before a party but I only do the downstairs. I'll rope in the girls to do the upstairs but they hate cleaning too and it always ends in a screaming match. They believe cleaning is ‘mom's work’.
WHO DOES THE FOLLOWING, AND HOW OFTEN?
Vacuuming?
I do a quick vacuum downstairs every other Tuesday for 5 minutes. Richard spends half an hour redoing it.
I get the girls to vacuum upstairs every other Thursday. They spend 5 minutes on it and then Richard spends an hour and a half redoing it.
Dusting?
I give the downstairs a quick dusting every other Tuesday.
The girls begrudgingly do the upstairs every other Thursday.
Straightening up?
I'm dirty but I'm tidy. I like the house to look straight for when the neighbours come round. I pick up all the stuff lying on the floor on a daily basis and just chuck it in a pile in the upstairs hallway for the girls to sort out. They don't. By the end, of the week, I go insane and shout at everyone that they're grounded until they get rid of it.
Ironing?
Nobody gives me their laundry. They complain that I turn everything pink.
Everyone has their own laundry basket in their room and when it's full, we just leave it out on the front doorstep for Great Aunt Bebe to come by and pick it up. She does a laundry run on a daily basis and when she brings it back, it's all nicely ironed.
Cleaning the bathroom?
I clean the bathrooms downstairs every other Tuesday.
The girls reluctantly clean their bathrooms upstairs every other Thursday.
Cleaning the kitchen?
My motto is if the silverware needs cleaning, just dim the lights.
I do a superficial cleaning every other Tuesday. I wipe the counters and the stove.
I should mop the floors daily because they're white but I don't. Great Aunt Bebe and my best friend come round before a party and mop it for me.
COOKING / MEALS
Where do you eat?
We eat wherever we want – sitting or standing up.
When are meal times?
There's no set meal times. It's impossible to pin anyone down with their busy schedules. We never eat together.
Who prepares meals?
I prepare breakfast for the girls. I'll bake fresh strawberry muffins and nobody will eat them. I chop up an apple each for the twins and they'll eat that. I give Mary-Jewels cereal or a maple sausage.
On Saturday mornings, Richard will prepare a full breakfast for the family and bring me mine in bed.
Twice a week, I bring home food I've prepared at work for dinner. The rest of the time it's fast food city.
Does Richard help with dinner?
Richard will reorganize all the cupboards. It drives me mad because he'll do it when we're about to have guests for a party. He's still doing it when he should be getting ready and when the guests arrive. He doesn't help otherwise.
DAILY ROUTINE
What time do you get up?
I get up at 7am on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays to get the children ready for school and drop them off. On Mondays, I'll get back into the bed when I get home.
On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I'll get up at 5.45am to take the twins to cheerleading practice. I usually just go in my pyjamas.
On Saturdays, I'll just stay in bed until three o'clock.
How do you spend your week-day evenings?
I ferry the children around to all their activities.
Four nights of the week could potentially be a softball game for either Margo or Mary-Jewels. We go as a family to watch them and might not get home until 11 o'clock. By the end of the season, I'm real sick of the tournaments , I just want them to lose to get it over with.
On Mondays, I'll pop across to see my friend and neighbour Debbie for a glass of wine.
Every third Tuesday of the month, I'll go out with my friends to sex-toy parties, strippers or cocktails. We're up for anything fun!
On Wednesdays, Richard and I will go to the country club for dinner with ten friends.
What time do you go to bed?
I go the bed at 11.30pm if the girls are in the house. If they're not, I always wait up for them no matter what time of night it is. It can make for some really sleepless nights.
DISCIPLINE
Who does the childcare? What does it involve
I do most of the childcare. I love my daughters with all my heart and give them all the attention I can. I work in order to be able to give them everything they need. I think kids need to make the most of their childhood and I don't like them to work.
How do you discipline the children?
We ground the children for doing things they shouldn't. Maurie and Margo get grounded for talking back and getting an excessive amount of speeding tickets. This happens about four times a year. The most recent time is when Maurie got a speeding ticket and she was grounded one day for every mile she was over the limit. She stayed in for twenty days and had to pay for the speeding ticket. Mary-Jewels has never done anything wrong.
THE RELATIONSHIP
What tips can you give for coping with Richard?
It's hard to try and get Richard to open up. He's not very good at communicating. You have to ask him lots of questions about his day or he'll just keep it all bottled up.
HOUSE PHILOSOPHY
Please sum up the philosophy of this house and life within it.
I believe in working to live, not living to work. Family is everything. Your kids are precious, they deserve everything you can give them. Life is for living. Have fun and party!
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