Take care to listen. © Sally and Richard Greenhill

Children often seem locked in their own world or buffeted by a hundred different distractions. Actually holding a conversation with them can be something of an achievement. Still, we all try to do it – with varying success.

It's a two-way street
Here are some tips for better parent-child communication:

• Make sure you are talking with them, not at them



• Talk, don't shout. Shouting is a loss of self-control and it encourages your child to shout back



• Take care to listen not just to what they say but to what they're really trying to get across. They may feel nervous about saying something and you will need to read between the lines – for example, if they're unhappy at school but are afraid of speaking out



• Have meals together where you talk about things rather than watching TV



• Answer questions patiently and fully, even when the subject may be sensitive, such as questions about sex. Children realise at a young age when adults are hiding things from them. They need to trust you to be open with them

Confidence boosting
How you talk to your child can shake their world, so take care to treat them kindly:

• Praise them when they get something right and explain why you're pleased – 'You couldn't do that last week but now you can!'



• Ask your child about what they've learned at school. They will remember it better if they're able to explain it to you. Go through the work with them if they don't seem to understand it



• Try to stop brothers or sisters (especially older ones) criticising their siblings or telling them that they're stupid. Older siblings can be unhealthily competitive. Younger siblings may need more confidence building if they're on the sharp end of this behaviour

Make it real
Subjects that children study at school can seem distant or boring. Look for real life situations where you can talk about schoolwork. For example:

• Watch films based on books that they are studying



• Add up the bill when you're out shopping



• Try to speak a foreign language if you're on holiday abroad



• Point out the relevance of TV programmes to school subjects

Top