Introduction Are you gay? Do you want to tell anybody? Who do you want to tell ... and how? > What you can do now that the closet doors have swung open Yahoo! I'm alive! (which is much harder than I thought) Where to go for help

STEP FOUR WHAT YOU CAN DO NOW THE CLOSET DOORS HAVE SWUNG OPEN Well, Rule No. 1 is: Don't rush it, if you don't want to. Take things at your own pace. And don't feel that you've got to fit, willy nilly, into the gay scene and speed off to your nearest gay bar. You may not like bars. Or you may like bars but you want to go to the ones you've always gone to with the friends you've always had. Don't be bullied by some image you might have in your mind about how to be gay. And anyway, these days, gay bars are not all the same. So find one you like. And if you feel nervous about going to a bar or a club, take a friend with you. Nowadays, clubs and pubs are very mixed: gay/straight, male/female. This can be great, although occasionally confusing when you fancy the boy by the bar and he turns out to be dating the girl that the lesbian next to you is getting hot and bothered about. But wow, folks, that's the Nineties. On the other hand if you can't wait to dive fully naked into the gay and lesbian scene and go clubbing every night, have sex, join Stonewall's Equality Campaign, call all men 'darling' and slap all women on the back, then be our guest. Just do what feels good for you. A good way to begin is to buy one of the gay mags or papers. They have listings of all the gay pubs, clubs, helplines, sex lines (which are expensive and will show up on your phone bill, so you've been warned!) ... in fact, the lot. You can get the Gay Times in most newsagents - although the copies are often put on the top shelf and you feel like you're buying porn. Well, you're not (although there were some pretty gorgeous people in last month's club section). The Pink Paper is distributed free mainly to gay venues. Sometimes it takes a bit of courage to go up to the counter and ask for a gay publication, and you may not want to do it at your local newsagent, particularly if you've haven't told your family or friends yet. So if you don't feel confident about buying a paper, phone your local Gay Switchboard, which will be listed in the phonebook. People often feel that gay clubs are very youth-oriented, and they often are. But look, as far as we know there's no youth serum in the world, so you're stuck with your age. Enjoy it whether you're 16 or 76. And the first time you go to a pub or club, you might just feel great about it, a real sense that you've 'come home'. But you might feel nervous. So try and relax, try and talk to someone and don't feel you have to chat them up or aim for sex with them. Go easy on yourself ­ you've got the rest of your life to enjoy being gay. Don't feel weird about going to clubs and pubs as if they're just illicit places to meet people for sex. Because they can be! Except they're not in the least bit illicit. You're just doing what everybody else - gay or straight - has been doing on every night of the week since Eve gave Adam a Granny Smith's. Don't feel guilty. And don't feel sex is the only reason for going. There are also tons of gay and lesbian clubs and campaigns and groups. So you don't have to meet other gay people by the bar. You can meet them halfway up a mountain or lobbying the House of Commons. Look in the listings in the gay press. Two little notes of caution - Beware drugs and alcohol in the above mentioned palaces of pleasure. Make sure you know the effects of anything you drink or take. - If you go home with someone, always make sure you have safe sex - and if you don't know what that means, ring one of the helplines for advice (see WHERE TO GO FOR HELP).