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Introduction
Are you gay?
Do you want to tell anybody?
Who do you want to tell ... and how?
> What you can do now that the closet doors have swung open
Yahoo! I'm alive! (which is much harder than I thought)
Where to go for help
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STEP FOUR
WHAT YOU CAN DO NOW THE CLOSET DOORS HAVE SWUNG OPEN
Well, Rule No. 1 is: Don't rush it, if you don't want to. Take
things at your own pace. And don't feel that you've got to fit,
willy nilly, into the gay scene and speed off to your nearest
gay bar. You may not like bars. Or you may like bars but you want
to go to the ones you've always gone to with the friends you've
always had. Don't be bullied by some image you might have in your
mind about how to be gay. And anyway, these days, gay bars are
not all the same. So find one you like. And if you feel nervous
about going to a bar or a club, take a friend with you. Nowadays,
clubs and pubs are very mixed: gay/straight, male/female. This
can be great, although occasionally confusing when you fancy the
boy by the bar and he turns out to be dating the girl that the
lesbian next to you is getting hot and bothered about. But wow,
folks, that's the Nineties.
On the other hand if you can't wait to dive fully naked into the
gay and lesbian scene and go clubbing every night, have sex, join
Stonewall's Equality Campaign, call all men 'darling' and slap
all women on the back, then be our guest. Just do what feels good
for you.
A good way to begin is to buy one of the gay mags or papers. They
have listings of all the gay pubs, clubs, helplines, sex lines
(which are expensive and will show up on your phone bill, so you've
been warned!) ... in fact, the lot. You can get the Gay Times in most newsagents - although the copies are often put on the
top shelf and you feel like you're buying porn. Well, you're not
(although there were some pretty gorgeous people in last month's
club section). The Pink Paper is distributed free mainly to gay venues.
Sometimes it takes a bit of courage to go up to the counter and
ask for a gay publication, and you may not want to do it at your
local newsagent, particularly if you've haven't told your family
or friends yet. So if you don't feel confident about buying a
paper, phone your local Gay Switchboard, which will be listed
in the phonebook.
People often feel that gay clubs are very youth-oriented, and
they often are. But look, as far as we know there's no youth serum
in the world, so you're stuck with your age. Enjoy it whether
you're 16 or 76. And the first time you go to a pub or club, you
might just feel great about it, a real sense that you've 'come
home'. But you might feel nervous. So try and relax, try and talk
to someone and don't feel you have to chat them up or aim for
sex with them. Go easy on yourself you've got the rest of your
life to enjoy being gay.
Don't feel weird about going to clubs and pubs as if they're just
illicit places to meet people for sex. Because they can be! Except
they're not in the least bit illicit. You're just doing what everybody
else - gay or straight - has been doing on every night of the
week since Eve gave Adam a Granny Smith's. Don't feel guilty.
And don't feel sex is the only reason for going.
There are also tons of gay and lesbian clubs and campaigns and
groups. So you don't have to meet other gay people by the bar.
You can meet them halfway up a mountain or lobbying the House
of Commons. Look in the listings in the gay press.
Two little notes of caution
- Beware drugs and alcohol in the above mentioned palaces of pleasure.
Make sure you know the effects of anything you drink or take.
- If you go home with someone, always make sure you have safe
sex - and if you don't know what that means, ring one of the helplines
for advice (see WHERE TO GO FOR HELP).
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