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Introduction
Are you gay?
> Do you want to tell anybody?
Who do you want to tell ... and how?
What you can do now that the closet doors have swung open
Yahoo! I'm alive! (which is much harder than I thought)
Where to go for help
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STEP TWO
DO YOU WANT TO TELL ANYBODY?
Now you've said a tentative 'Yes', you've done what's called 'come
out' to yourself. Good job!
It probably doesn't feel that different. I mean, it's not like,
now you've decided you're gay or lesbian or bi, someone's going
to give you a gay card with an instant gay or lesbian identity.
You don't have to like Kylie Minogue, get a frock if you're a
man or a tractor if you're a woman. Gays and lesbians come in
all sizes - white, black, Asian, Oriental, Eskimo, Native American
... It's a big gay Tower of Babel out there with all cultures
and all walks of life.
So don't forget that you're you, and now you've started to put
the gay thing out of the way, you can get on with being just that.
The only trouble is that you may find, when you tell someone else,
they'll want to put you in a box. Resist this. Don't be a stereotype.
Always stay true to yourself.
Now that you've opened up the possibility of following what you
feel is in your heart, you'll probably want to tell someone. You
don't have to, but if you do, here's a word of advice: not everyone
you tell will think that Christmas has come! Some people will
jump up and down at the news and think it's great, but others
will think you're the very Devil and turn their backs on you,
and for a few - and we really love these - it won't make any difference
at all. The most difficult thing about all this is that it's not
always easy to predict how anyone will react.
So while coming out will probably feel like a great relief, it
may also make you a bit tense for a while. You may feel apprehensive
about telling the crowd you hang with because there may be guys
or girls who you think may become aggressive about it. They may
think it's trendy for pop stars, but they may not like you being gay or lesbian. They may tease you; they may even try and
hurt you. At work, you may worry that your boss will be nasty
to you, deny you promotion, if you tell him/her. If you are the
boss or the manager, you may worry that your authority will be
undermined, that people will gossip behind your back. If you have
kids, you may be frightened that being gay or lesbian will be
used by your co-parent or your parents-in-law or even your own
parents to say that you're not fit to be a mum or dad.
These are the worst-case scenarios. All of them have happened,
and as long as some people feel angry and hostile towards gays
and lesbians, they will go on happening. But try and keep your
head; don't let anxiety overcome you. In most cases, it'll be
absolutely fine. You've just got to be a bit sensible in the face
of this kind of stupidity.
First of all, think carefully about who you trust and just tell
them. Get some troops on your side. Even if there's no trouble
ahead, it'll make you feel good because the people who go on liking
or loving you are the ones you will know are your real friends.
If it looks like there might be a problem, give one of the helplines
listed in Where to go for help a ring. They'll know exactly how to advise you.
In Step Three there are some hints on how to tell particular kinds of people,
but as a general rule, don't just leap in. Be prepared. Try and
think what people's reactions might be. And decide how much you
want to tell them. For instance, you may not want to let on whether
you've had sex, or who with or where. Don't say anything you don't
want to.
And be gentle. Remember it'll be them, not you, who might have
a problem about you being gay. So maybe try and drop a few hints
first to test the water (boys put a cherry in your pint; girls
watch Ellen with your friends and talk about Martina a lot). Try not to bounce
people into it. I mean, don't sit at Christmas lunch with all
the family and say loudly: 'Can you pass the salt ... to a homosexual?'
But if you do want to tell people, take another prize and go to
Step Three.
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