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Introduction
>Are you gay?
Do you want to tell anybody?
Who do you want to tell ... and how?
What you can do now that the closet doors have swung open
Yahoo! I'm alive! (which is much harder than I thought)
Where to go for help
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STEP ONE
THIS MAY BE A HARD ONE TO ANSWER - BUT DO YOU THINK YOU MIGHT
BE GAY?
First off, we have to decide how far you are with this process
already. So I have to ask you a question. Are you gay?
Sorry to be so direct because I know that thinking about this
question can be a bit of a frightener, especially if you've never
said the answer out loud. So for the moment, just think the answer
inside your head, if that makes it easier. One thing you'll notice
is that it feels like a really big deal the first time, but the
more you say it, the less difficult it becomes.
And remember that this coming-out business can all seem a bit
of a storm about nothing ... and so unfair. Straights don't have
to do it, so why should we? Straight people just assume that everyone
is straight. Then they get hitched, have children, go to McDonald's
and eventually slip peacefully away surrounded by their grandchildren
and great-grandchildren ... without passing Go, without collecting
£200 and, in most cases, without going to gaol.
Being gay, however, is a minority pursuit. But don't ever forget
that, while there may be more of them than us, it doesn't mean
that being straight is 'normal' ... it's just very common. So
don't worry. Being gay or lesbian or bisexual isn't good or bad,
right or wrong. It just is. But for those of us who are gay or lesbian or bisexual, we do
have to go through the very inconvenient step of dealing with
other people's preconceptions. And mostly that involves them assuming
that we're straight, which we're not. So we have to come out.
And put them straight on the matter.
So question one: Are you gay?
Now there are lots of answers you could give to that ... like
'Maybe' or 'I fancy the boy who sits next to me' or 'Girls make
me tingle' or 'The secretary of the golf club makes my putter
rise' or 'I don't really know' or 'Definitely' or 'Can't wait
to find out' or 'I'm terrified of even thinking about it' ...
OK, you could choose one of those but let's try a tentative 'Yes'.
Now if you can go that far, help yourself to a prize and go to
Step Two.
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FEELING REALLY BAD?
If you think you may be gay, it might really get you down. And
you might feel very frightened and very alone because you don't
know what it means and you're terrified of what other people might
think.
I can't say, 'Don't worry,' because you already are worrying.
But I can say that you really must try and talk to someone about
it. You are not alone in what's going on in your head. Many gay
people feel terrible before they come to terms with who they are.
This is not because being gay is bad but because society has not
always been kind to us and often hasn't made us feel very welcome.
But other gay people will and so will many, many straight people.
So please get some support.
If you just want to talk to another gay person, try ringing your
local Gay Switchboard, which will be listed in the phonebook.
And under Where to go for help, there are the phone numbers of helplines where someone will
be there for you, completely confidentially. Talk to them. Don't
be beaten by these feelings of fear or depression. Try and believe
in yourself enough to get to that phone and call someone. It'll
be worth it. |
