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Your partner, friend or child wants to talk – but how good are you at listening?
Engage your brain
Break the habit of pretending to listen or only hearing half of what's being said. Concentrate and don't get distracted into working out how you'll reply. Listen fully.
Show interest
Stop what you're doing. Shut the paper. Ignore the mobile. Make eye contact, nod. Encourage with 'Uh-huh', or, 'Go on'.
Bite your lip
Never wade in with advice, make assumptions about what's going to be said or interrupt.
Stay tuned
Hearing a few home truths about yourself? Keep listening and keep your temper. Could there conceivably be a grain of truth in there? A good listener hears and acknowledges criticism, non-defensively.
Use empathy
Resist accusing, evaluating or interpreting. Instead, empathise by restating or rephrasing what's been said: 'It sounds as if …'. You'll invite a more honest response, and keep the door open to further discussion.
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