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Feel like you're everybody's doormat? Fly off the handle far too easily? Assertiveness skills can help you deal painlessly with tricky situations.
Be different
Learn to distinguish between passive, aggressive and assertive responses. Recognise when you use non-assertive behaviour and start to change. Read a book or take an assertiveness-training or confidence-building class.
Be responsible
Don't plead helplessness or blame others. If your life isn't to your liking, acknowledge that it's partly down to you. If someone behaves hurtfully, stand up for yourself and explain how you feel. Next time, serenely walk away.
Be firm
Listen to others, show you understand their point of view, but don't be afraid to voice your own thoughts and feelings. Without being confrontational, state specifically, repeatedly and calmly what you want to happen. Don't be deflected.
Be decisive
What's holding you back? Are you waiting for someone to hold your hand, the children to grow up, a Lottery win? Being assertive means acting to enhance your life now, not hanging on for never-land perfection.
Be direct
Ask, refuse, confront, express; whatever you're saying, do it directly, without hedging. Don't use guilt as a lever, or sink to emotional blackmail. Be straightforward in all your dealings.
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