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Teenagers are an improvement on toddlers. You can have a conversation with them and they wipe their own noses. Lively, funny, seldom boring, they're always game to give your assumptions and prejudices a sharp prod. You won't escape without a smattering of hormones, tantrums, angst and spots but having teenagers around needn't mean non-stop conflict.
Teenager taming
- Listen before you speak. As Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families says: 'Seek first to understand, then to be understood'.
- Hear yourself saying: 'When I was your age …'? Stop it. At once.
- Avoid setting up rigid rules which invite conflict. Keep boundaries flexible.
- Don't give a knee-jerk 'No' to every request. Examine your reasons for refusing, say 'Yes' whenever it's reasonable.
- As parent you, ultimately, are responsible for their safety and wellbeing. Risk derision and stick to your guns over issues you feel extremely strongly about but only when negotiation has failed to provide a solution.
- Tell them when you're proud of them. Reward their efforts, don't take them for granted. Say thank you.
- Forgive yourself when things go pear-shaped. There's no such thing as a perfect parent.
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