There's no one quite like Grandma. Equally, of course, there's no one quite like Michael Jackson. But who is responsible for the worst Christmas No.1 of all?

Looking at the last 30 years of hurt, the competition is fierce. Is it Shakin' Stevens with Merry Christmas Everyone, or does Slade's Merry Xmas Everybody have the X-factor? Which grating hit causes more pain - Somethin' Stupid from Robbie and Nicole, or something utterly brainless from Mr Blobby?

Bravely check out the list of festive offenders, supress a shudder and cast your vote. On 31 December 2003, we will publish the result. Can we fix it? Well, yes we can. But we won't...