Christmas comes but once a year, and here are just a few of the reasons why that might not be such a bad thing…
The timing
It's crazy to hold Christmas just before the traditional January sales. Why not wait a few hours and we could all make huge savings on all those expensive gifts? Duh!!
The office 'secret santa'
Spending money you don't have on a present you don't rate to give to someone
you don't like.
Cranberry sauce
Meat and fruit. Sheer madness.
Toy shop demonstrators
As though Christmas shopping wasn't hateful enough... No adult should be so
accomplished at throwing tiny aeroplanes.
Other people's children
They don't buy decent presents, they don't cook any food and they monopolise
the TV.
Your own children
See above.
Naked Christmas Day sea-bathers
Just because something can be done doesn't mean that it should be done. Put
it away, Malcolm!!
Christmas decoration angst The sudden awareness of the transient nature of life and the associated horror of death that accompanies both the putting up and taking down of these gaudy knickknacks.
Red santa hats
As sported by page 3 models, gangs of drunken office workers and homeless
people's dogs.
Religion
Why on earth do religious zealots keep trying to drag Christianity into this
special time of year? Hey vicar, take a chill pill!!!
