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Home | The brat files | Chill-out zone | From adversity to adventure | Find out more
Parents are good at telling you that you don't need stuff, aren't they? 'Why do you need another pair of jeans?' Or: 'What do you do with all your spending money? I got next to nothing and I had to do a paper round.' Blah, blah, blah, blah. Boring, boring. But have you ever stopped to really think about whether or not you do actually want those new £100 shades or £150 jeans just because you've seen them in a sexy advert, magazine or on a cool friend.
Let's face it, buying all this stuff doesn't make you happy. Once you buy something it's old and you want something else. Retail therapy doesn't work. You need to try some other ways of cooling it and falling in love with the world.
Grin and you'll bear it:
Remember having a laugh. Not getting stoned or drunk, but having a laugh so you can remember it. It really is a drug. It releases chemicals into the body that reduce pain and tension.
Or how about breathing. Yes, I know you need to breathe all the time, but I mean controlled breathing. When you start to get angry or freaked out, different parts of your body – shoulders, hands, back – tense and may even start to hurt. Focus your mind on these areas and breathe slowly in through your nose and out through your mouth. Try it. You'll realise that it's not so difficult to get control of your anger as you thought.
Close your eyes and talk:
You can also close the world off and chill by shutting your eyes and thinking of relaxing colours, such as pale blues. Have you tried yoga or slow movement exercises? They can help you feel that you are in more control of yourself and your surroundings by bringing your body back down to earth. Or listening to your favourite calm music can help focus your mind on positive thoughts. If it's your thing, research shows that classical music can do great things for your brain.
Talking about your feelings to a mate or a relative you trust can also help. I don't mean a session of slagging off your parents, but a proper talk about why you feel so pissed off. And as well as all the touchy-feely stuff, there are all sorts of things that will do you more good than spending money, buying more stuff and getting pissed.
You are not alone:
Keeping a diary is another good way to know how and why you feel the way you do. Try clearing the clutter in your room so you don't feel as if the world is closing in on you with your parents. And how about some exercise? It relieves stress and will help you keep fit as your hormones go through the roof.
Above all, remember that whatever your family is like, you're not on your own. There is no such thing as a so-called normal family. About 10% of families are step families. One quarter of families in Britain are one-parent families. Around 10% of people in the UK belong to a minority group.
Sources include National Family and Parenting Institute and Parentline Plus
For further reading, weblinks and people to talk to go to Find out more.
Think you know better? Are you a teenager and think you can sort out other people's parents? Get a word in edgeways on the forum.
See also: Calm karma – for parents and Bullying – the facts
Ever needed advice without the bullshit? You need our guide to how to cool it. Simply, download the pdf file and cut round the dotted line
Next time you find yourself reaching for your credit card for some retail therapy, make sure you can find our guide to how to calm your karma. Simply, download the pdf file and cut round the dotted line.
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