Our trainees are getting to know each other but they don't always like what they see. There's tension about who has said and done what. Lighthearted banter turns into bickering. Tempers flare. Minor disagreements escalate into major blowouts.

It's no surprise. People are different so there's always going to be conflict when two or more get together. Conflict has its good points. It can spark new ideas and strengthen relationships. It can sharpen communication and other skills. But it can also be damaging. And in a workplace, it can be downright dangerous.

So how do people handle conflict at work?

Aggression
Some people are aggressive. They feel that they have no choice. It's the only way to save face and take control. But aggression rarely solves the problem and can often make a bad situation worse.

Nobody wants to be too close to someone who is violent or abusive. They're unpredictable and can be frightening. In most workplaces, it's a sackable offence to attack, abuse or harass someone.

Be Passive
Being passive buys time. Giving in, ignoring or walking away from a conflict gives both sides a chance to calm down and think things over. Laughing things off is more risky. If you get it wrong, the others can take offence - especially if it looks like you're laughing at them.

The real problem is that being passive doesn't sort out the problem. It sends it underground where it simmers away ready to bubble up again at the first opportunity.

Negotiate
Talking things through clears the air. Most people jump at the chance to put their side of the argument. Once it's off their chest they're more willing to compromise and work out a way forward. But communication has to be two-way. It's no good expecting people to listen and then switch off when they're talking. In fact, it's a very good way to put their backs up and make the whole thing worse.

Having a referee can help, especially if it's someone that everyone respects. A referee can lay down the rules, keep control and give advice.

Tips for handling conflict at work
So what can you do if there's conflict at work?

• be brave - it takes courage to do something positive about a conflict
• give people breathing space if they ask - a cooling off period is often good
• look the others in the eye - even if you want to turn tail and run
• respect the others - even if you don't want to
• be truthful - about how you're feeling and how you see things
• control your language - it doesn't help to be rude or offensive
• hear what the others say - even if you want to switch off
• control your temper - yes, really
• accept that you might be in the wrong - what you?

Finally, remember that you always have a choice. It's up to you what happens next.