London Irish TX: 24 Sep 2013, Week 39
Packy bumps into an old friend from home, Ryan. Ryan’s a lovely fella - friendly, polite and missing a hand. It got shot off during a hold-up at the garage he used to work in. With Packy. When he was covering Packy’s shift. So as far as the others are concerned Packy practically had him shot… In a fit of guilt Packy decides to donate the proceeds of tonight’s pub quiz to Ryan’s cause. Bronagh is dubious about going to the quiz and only agrees to come when she hears the prize is a three litre bottle of vodka. However even this starts to lose its appeal when Ryan turns up and Bronagh realises she’s met him before. In fact she slept with him. At a fancy dress party. Where he was dressed as Captain Hook. And what she can’t quite work out is how many hands he had at the time… It takes all of Packy’s powers of persuasion to stop her confronting him there and then. And just to make his night a little better Niamh brings her smack-dealing, ex-jailbird boyfriend, Tyson, who happens to really, really hate Packy….
It’s the morning after the night before… and it seems that last night’s event was a wedding party. Bronagh wakes up wearing the bride’s wedding dress and finds a little boy, Frankie, next to her in bed. Niamh is relieved. This is the child she’s supposed to be a Nanny to and she thought she had left him in Tesco. Packy finds something even more disturbing in his bed in the form of his crazy ex-girlfriend Steph and Conor awakes to find the words ‘You did a bad thing’ written on the ceiling above him. It seems to have something to do with Bronagh’s boyfriend James but Conor can’t for the life of him think what. When they receive the news that Dermot (a man they all hated) has died – no one is especially bothered. But Packy’s has his eye on the grieving girlfriend so coerces the others to coming to the wake with him. Well it seemed like a good idea at the time…
It’s Halloween and there’s a party to get to. Niamh can barely contain her excitement – not only has she been making costumes for them all (they’re going to go as the tin man, scarecrow, lion and Dorothy from the wizard of oz) but every Halloween she hooks up with Sweet Pete. It’s a wee tradition. Bronagh is in a foul mood as she is on a course of antibiotics that means she can’t drink and her Ma (Tracy Lynch) and Da (Ardal O’Hanlon) have sent their depressed, boring cousin Sean (Jamie Beamish) to London to help him get over his recent marital breakdown. Things just couldn’t be grimmer. On route to the party Packy and Conor encounter some problems which leave them stranded in their boxers, and Nimah, Bronagh and a blubbering Sean find themselves in their own precarious situation - stuck somewhere that may or may not be the party venue. If it is, then this is one seriously bad party…
After popping out to pick up fish and chips, Conor returns seven days later, having been to Scotland, had a fight with Taggart and acquiring a wife. Maria a gorgeous Mexican woman who doesn’t speak any English. Match. Made. In. Heaven. Niamh has a new boyfriend; the gorgeous Martin who won’t have sex with her because of his devotion to God – something Niamh is determined to put right, even if it means drastic actions – or at least taking him to an art exhibition. Because Niamh has been invited to an exhibition by Caoimhe Kavanagh-the beautiful, popular girl from school that Bronagh was always slightly jealous of/obsessed with. Bronagh is upset she didn’t receive an invite but is desperate to attend after Niamh delivers the brilliant news that Caiomhe is now fat…
It’s the day after St Patrick’s Day and our heroes wake up in a strange flat, in a strange land – a land that appears to be … East London. As they attempt to put the pieces of last night together (how did we get here, why are Packy’s legs hurting so much and who stole half of Conor’s twix?) there’s an almighty crash from the other room – and they discover an unconscious old lady and her cat. Brilliant. As they attempt to find a hospital – old lady and cat in tow - Packy is baffled as to why Aoife McBride keeps calling him – he didn’t sleep with her did he? Because this is a woman who notoriously bit a man’s bollock off when he refused to give her the commitment she wanted– so if Packy shagged her he’ll have to leave the country. Then Niamh finds a photo on his phone - it’s the gang, Aoife, and Irish dancing legend Michael Flatley. What the hell DID happen last night?
Families are a nightmare. Just ask Bronagh… after a very long day with Conor and their Ma and Da, as they attempt to experience all the excitement that London has to offer (in particular riding the tube for hours at a time…) Or Packy – when he gets a visit from his brothers (the ‘twins’) Matthew (Paul Reid) and Mark (Kevin Trainor) who are keen to get his help dealing with their younger brother Aidan (Michael Legge). Aiden’s just moved to London and he seems to be heading out of control – he’s drinking heavily, he’s lost his job and most worryingly of all… he has started wearing an England football shirt. They need to stage an intervention... The two sets of families collide when Niamh invites Ma and Da to the intervention (well – it’s basically just a surprise party isn’t it?) So between the family dynamics, Conor’s long standing feud with Aidan, Bronagh’s sullenness in the face of her parents and Niamh’s attempts to set up her own escort agency, and the twins refusal to have anything to actually do with the intervention, it’s going to be a long night for Packy…