Derek TX: 6 Mar 2013, Week 10


Episode 6/6, Wednesday 6th March, 10pm, C4

Did you ever think a baby monkey could ride on the back of a small pig, backwards? Well Derek, who loves anything to do with animals, has just discovered a YouTube video which demonstrates that a baby monkey can in-fact ride on the back of a pig and he is very excited by this!

Later that day, Hannah receives a phone call from a man claiming to be Derek’s estranged father. She informs Derek and asks him whether he would like to arrange a meeting however Derek doesn’t want to know. His father was an alcoholic and abandoned him when he was very young. After his father had gone, Derek and his mother never spoke about him because it upset her too much. Even now Derek still finds it difficult to talk about and states he does not want to meet him.

Lizzie’s husband Gerald always makes the effort to visit every day. Lizzie’s health is deteriorating. She has Alzheimer’s so often struggles to remember who Gerald is. He recalls how they met all those years ago and that it was love at first sight and how lucky they have been. Sadly, Lizzie dies.

Derek says that he’s been lucky because despite the fact he hasn’t had a father figure, he feels as though he’s had lots of mums with all the residents at the home. Unfortunately for Derek, this has also meant it’s felt like losing a mum when someone dies. At Lizzie’s funeral, Derek’s dad turns up unannounced but when Hannah tells Derek he refuses to see him.

The event of Lizzie’s death has led Hannah, Derek, Dougie and Kev to take some time to reflect on their own lives and what they have learned. They talk to the camera about their beliefs and their thoughts on praying and the meaning of life. Typically Kev says he mainly prays for muff.

Derek’s father is persistent and finally manages to catch Derek outside the church but when Derek realises who he is he has no interest in what he has to say.

Episode 5/6, Wednesday 27th February, 10pm, Channel 4

Broad Hill Retirement Home is planning to host a cabaret show and Derek has formed an entertainment committee to discuss plans for the evening. Derek has decided he wants to do a ventriloquist puppet act, whilst Kev announces he wants to make a play of the Duran Duran film script he wrote in ‘98 that never got off the ground. Dougie questions however whether it can actually be referred to as a ‘film script’ when it’s only three to four pages long and illustrated with phallic drawings!

There’s a new community service worker starting at the home today who goes by the name of Deon. He’s a keen rapper but the elderly residents aren’t exactly the type of audience he’s used to. Derek shows Deon around and takes him to meet Dougie who is less than impressed with his rapping ability and when Deon tries to claim that he’s different from other singers, Dougie shoots him down.

Later that day, Deon meets Vicky and the pair flirt with each other whilst establishing a common ground over the fact they both got caught nicking shoes. Deon’s beginning to settle in and decides that although it smells like Oxfam, Broad Hill is a better option than prison as there’s no physical threat and if necessary he could beat up anyone in there.

Derek’s put himself in charge of casting for the cabaret and tries to convince Deon to be part of the show but he declines. Kev and Derek then go around sourcing costumes and wigs for their Duran Duran tribute act by rummaging through some of the elderly residents possessions.

It’s the night of the show and Kev has chosen to host. Derek is first to take the stage with his ventriloquist act, although he appears to be using the puppet more like a glove than anything else. Elderly resident Joe sings and then it’s time for the big Duran Duran finale – ‘Boys on Film’ written and directed by Kev. Unfortunately for Dougie he is needed to step in, despite protesting he doesn’t want to be involved, as another of the band members is taken ill.

As the boys step on stage, there is a lot of confusion on Derek’s part as to whether his character is Duran Duran or Simon Le Bon but once that’s been established the band can start to perform…. Finally, Deon makes a welcome return with a special heartfelt rap.

Episode 4/6, Wednesday 20th February, 10pm, Channel 4

One of Derek’s favourite hobbies is autograph hunting but he’s decided to sell some of his autographs in order to raise money for the retirement home. Kev, Dougie and Derek head to a local shop that sells autographed photos of iconic celebrities to see how much they can get. The shop assistant however isn’t overly impressed by the signatures Derek’s managed to collect – the main reason being, Derek can’t actually remember who a lot of them belong to.

Kev also has some autographs he’d like to sell including a signed photo of him and Baby Spice, a Katie Holmes signed Harvester pub menu and a signature which he claims belongs to the one and only Uncle Ben. But the shop assistant struggles to believe that Katie would ever visit a Harvester pub or that Uncle Ben is in fact a real person and the boys leave empty handed.

Another of Derek’s passions is wrestling. He often pounces on Kev and Dougie unannounced and wrestles them to the floor trapping them so they can’t move. “I loves wrestling because I’m strong and grabby” says Derek. “In real fighting you fights people what you don’t like so you can hurt them but in wrestling I wrestles people what I do like. It’s like strong cuddling really.”

Today, some of the residents at Broad Hill Retirement Home are going on a trip to the seaside whilst Hannah stays behind to register a new resident. Dougie drives the mini bus but finds it very hard to concentrate with Derek sitting directly behind bombarding him with questions such as; “What would win out of aids and rabies?”

Back at the home, new resident Mrs Shaw arrives accompanied by her daughter Rebecca who recognises Hannah from school. Rebecca is a well-dressed successful woman who can’t help but make remarks about the fact Hannah left school at 16. Her comments leave Hannah wondering whether her life has really turned out as she intended.

At the beach, the residents relax whilst the boys have a paddle in the sea but before they leave - Kev makes sure he’s made his mark by writing rude words on crabs with a marker pen. On their return Hannah couldn’t be happier, as she’s had enough of Rebecca’s snide remarks, and it makes her realise just how much she’s missed everyone’s company.

Episode 3/6, Wednesday 13th February, 10pm, Channel 4

It’s a day like no other at Broad Hill Retirement Home. Derek’s watching Dougie fix a table’s wobbly leg…until Kev strolls in with his most recent and slightly ‘larger than life’ sexual conquest! “Derek, don’t ask any questions,” says Dougie as Kev begins to go into great detail about the night’s events.

Later that day, Dougie is tidying up outside whilst Derek is seeing what wildlife he can discover in the garden. He comes across a toad which Kev cruelly convinces him to lick and it’s no surprise when Derek says it tastes “orrible.” He then finds a baby bird fallen from a tree and is desperate to save its life. Derek rushes inside claiming there’s an emergency and asks Hannah to call Rolf Harris or Bill Oddie. When she explains she doesn’t have their numbers however, Derek decides to call an ambulance himself.

Tom stops by to collect Hannah for their long awaited date only to find that she’s forgotten all about it so can’t get out of work. This isn’t the first time Hannah’s let Tom down and she’s starting to worry he might lose interest. Meanwhile, Derek and Kev are busy making fairy cakes to raise money for the retirement home at the local jumble sale whilst Dougie oversees. As Derek and a few of the residents go off to the jumble, elderly tenant Marg receives a visit from her obnoxious daughter Shelly – who’s desperate to get her hands on Marg’s engagement ring.

When Derek returns, he is thrilled that he’s managed to buy an identical ‘friend’ for his favourite ornament frog. What he fails to understand however is that he’s used his money to buy back the original ornament frog which Dougie had got rid of.

Hannah finally gets the opportunity to go on a date with Tom but before they get a chance to sit down, Marg is taken ill and Hannah has to rush back to the home. Hannah remains by Marg’s bed side as she slowly slips away - but not before offering Tom her engagement ring when Hannah’s steps out of the room.

Episode 2/6, Wednesday 6th February, 10pm, Channel 4

In this episode, its Derek's 50th birthday and what better way to celebrate than with a party at the retirement home. Hannah, Dougie and Kev gather round whilst Derek goes into great detail about what music and food he would like including chart toppers JLS, Susan Boyle and... Stacy Solomon? Not to mention the vol-au-vents, sausage rolls and chicken kievs. Kev on the other hand thinks he knows exactly what present Derek would like for his birthday.

There's also a new addition to the Broadhill Retirement Home staff this week, community service worker Vicky who's been sent there because she was caught nicking shoes from the shop she used to work in. Vicky is convinced she bears an uncanny resemblance to one Victoria Beckham especially as they share the same name, are both posh and have the same taste in bags and shoes.

Whilst Derek introduces Vicky to the residents, Hannah helps her get to grips with all the daily chores, which to Vicky's disgust includes changing beds and cleaning urinals. Fed up and frustrated, Vicky is really losing the will until one of the residents gives her the boost she needs to get motivated and turn things around.

Once a week, Dougie drives the elderly residents to the library. Derek and Kev tag along too, mainly so that Kev can scour the books for nudity and Derek can read up on his favourite animal, cats. He's fascinated by them and he likes kittens the most. He says, ‘Kittens are my favourite. I love's ‘em...sometimes you wants to squeeze them but you've got to be careful. I likes old cats, I likes all the ones in between, I likes all cats.'

When they arrive back at the home, Derek's 50th birthday party gets well underway with classics such as Will Smith's ‘Getting Jiggy With It'. Everyone is having a great time until Kev decides to supply Derek with a can of special brew which doesn't end well leaving Hannah to come to the rescue.

Episode 1/6, Wednesday 30th January, 10pm, Channel 4

Meet Derek Noakes (Ricky Gervais) a tender, innocent man whose love for his job and the people he cares for shines through. He's 49 years old and loves animals, Rolf Harris, Jesus, ‘Deal or No Deal', ‘Million Pound Drop' and ‘Britain's Got Talent' - but his main hobby is autograph hunting. He works in a retirement home with his mate and landlord, Dougie (Karl Pilkington in his very first acting role). Derek cares deeply for old people because they're kind and funny and tell him stories about the olden days. Hannah (Kerry Godliman) is a care worker at the home and is Derek's best friend. She's smart, witty and hardworking, but unlucky in love, and like Derek, always puts other people first.

In this week's episode, the retirement home's future comes under threat after a visit from the local council reveals the latest budget cuts are going to have a negative impact on funding. As a result, the councillors decide to conduct an inspection to see whether there are any necessary changes that can be made, such as ‘streamlining' the number of employees, in order to keep the home open despite the current economic climate.

During the home's assessment, Hannah tries her best to ensure that everything is running smoothly by taking the councillors on a guided tour. Unfortunately however, things don't go exactly to plan when Derek's slightly odd friend, Kev, pops up naked in one of the resident's beds after claiming to have taken a ‘quick nap'. Hannah also introduces the councillors to Derek, Dougie and the other employees so that they can gain a better understanding of everyone's roles and responsibilities. But after meeting Derek and Dougie they're not entirely convinced - particularly as Derek's taken to keeping tadpoles in the sink to stop them from being eaten by fish and Dougie has no real training or qualifications.

Worried there won't be enough funding to keep their jobs, Hannah suggests that Derek and Dougie organise a petition by collecting signatures from the locals on Hampstead High Street. Accompanied by Kev however their efforts aren't particularly successful as Derek's desperation and Kev's sleazy chat up lines scare the public away, leaving the trio feeling down and disheartened.

Finally, to provide respite from the worries surrounding retirement home's future, the residents are visited by some of the animals from the local pet rescue centre - which is much to Derek's delight as he thinks animals are ‘the best thing in the world'.

Throughout, Hannah's hard work and dedication toward the retirement home is evident. She's determined not to let the residents be rehomed and when the councillors reveal that their future is uncertain Dougie has no trouble telling them where to go!

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01 Jul 2013, 02:55
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