James VI of Scotland follows Elizabeth I to the throne, becoming James I of England in 1603 and so initiates the Stuart period of English history (in Scotland, just to be different, he's a Stewart). The party ends for the Stuart line in 1714 when Queen Anne, all of whose 18 children have died, also expires, leaving the throne to George, elector of Hanover, who becomes George I.
Pockmarked with numerous tragic events such as the Gunpowder Plot, the Civil Wars, the Great Plague and the Great Fire of London, the Stuart period produces some exceptionally awful jobs, which, as usual, fall to the unfortunate poor or to the downright deranged.
Fancy hanging about in an abattoir and pulling 9 metres (30 feet) of warm intestines from a barely expired sheep? Hard to resist, isn't it?
It gets better, though. How about separating the hot guts from the fat and then kneading the offal to milk out the stinking sheep excrement? I know, it's too good to be true. You will also have to soak the guts in cold water for a while, strip and crush them, fumigate them (with the added delight of the horrid stench of burning sulphur) and then twist them into strings. It's not all fun, however – you only get to do it for 12 hours at a time!
Working at the lower end of the music industry, away from all the glitz and glamour of the composers and performers, you may think that you will be forgotten and your work will go unnoticed in the history books. And you would, of course, be right.
But then again, who needs fame and fortune when a fresh carcass is waiting for you on the work bench, full of hot and steamy guts? Surely job satisfaction is more important? Stradivarius may build a fine fiddle, but it wouldn't make a squeak without your gut-wrenching prowess.
Seeking Rough Ralphs and Welsh Wills. The Saltpetre Company – whose slogan you will no doubt be aware of: 'We're taking the piss' – are recruiting door-to-door collectors in your area.
The position requires you to force your way into premises to collect as much urine as possible. The homes of friends, family, neighbours and even the clergy can be broken into if needs be and the precious urine extracted for the manufacture of saltpetre, which in turn will be used to make gunpowder.
The company operates an equal opportunities policy, and we have been assured that a criminal record will not hinder your chances of being appointed to this post – in fact, it would be a bonus.
This job will blow you away – literally.
Imagine the excitement of defusing bombs, covered head to toe in high-tech protective clothing, with years of intensive training, risking your life to go in behind police lines and fiddle with complicated fuses and explosives to stop a detonation in time and save the world.
Well, this job is nothing like that – in fact, it's the exact opposite. Picture yourself in flimsy clothes, blind drunk, carrying a bell-shaped gunpowder-filled container of brass or iron fixed to a wooden board – the petard – being shot at by musketeers while you try to reach the enemy's castle gate. You attach the petard to the gate, fiddle with your taper and light the fuse and start to run away, very, very fast, though probably not fast enough or not to one side, away from the direction of the blast.
Now imagine yourself, blown into a thousand bloody bits, flying through the air – hoist with your own petard, as it were … New vacancies are constantly arising.
All-terrain four-feet drive – it's the future. And you can start your own business today.
A new trend among the merchant classes and the idle rich in London seems set to continue and spread throughout Britain: being carried around the streets in a covered chair. At the moment, demand is outstripping supply and so new bearers are assured a steady stream of customers. Added benefits included improving your upper body strength, daily aerobic exercise and being in the great outdoors.
In 1725, a foreign visitor to London writes: 'The bearers go so fast that you have some difficulty in keeping up with them on foot. I do not believe that in all Europe better or more dextrous bearers are to be found; all foreigners are surprised at their strength and skill.'
Applicants should bear in mind that some customers may require you to trot vast distances – for example, London to Bath: 116 miles!
Ever wanted to work with animals? Well here's your chance. OK, so they're not cute, cuddly and fluffy, and if you really want to nit pick (geddit?), they're not animals, they're insects. Well, actually, to be really pedantic, nits are the eggs of head lice. But delousing is a tough job to sell and some artistic licence must be allowed ...
Although at the bottom of the employment ladder, advancement is always possible. You could work your way up the social ladder and one day be picking the nits from the famed wigs of Charles II.
