There have been a lot of rotten jobs throughout the history of Britain, especially in the 10 centuries before 1066.
When the Romans invade in AD 43, they bring with them a civilised way of life, but they also create some truly terrible job vacancies that just have to be filled.
Some 400 years later, when the Romans are becoming a distant memory, Anglo-Saxon England is able to offer a whole new range of miserable ways to make a living. Not a people to be outdone in the misery stakes, the Vikings, too, are no strangers to uncomfortable, dangerous and all-round grim working conditions. This is an era with an abundance of contenders for the title of the worst job in history.
This is definitely not a position for the faint-hearted. Guillemots are seabirds that nest in dense colonies on the tops of sea stacks and on extremely high cliff ledges. Because of their conical shape, guillemot eggs spin on the spot rather than rolling over the edge. Their coating of guano makes them even more secure. These eggs are your quarry.
Collecting guillemot eggs – a common practice in what is popularly known as the 'Dark Ages' – involves climbing over the edge of a cliff and making your way down to the precarious ledges where the nests are found. To assist you in this task, you will be provided with a rope fashioned from seal skin and a bucket.
As well as the obvious danger of falling from a great height into a raging sea and being crushed against jagged rocks, you also run a high risk of being attacked by guillemots who quite naturally want to keep their eggs from your clutches. Such bird assaults may result in cuts and bruises or, more seriously, in loss of contact between you and the cliff face.
The rewards of success in this task are not many. However, the protein provided by regularly eating guillemot eggs may make the difference between life and death for you and your family. The position is therefore only open to the desperate.
This position involves extremely long hours in terribly cramped conditions, in the middle of nowhere, up to 25 metres (82 feet) below ground. Gold is extracted from seams deep beneath the earth's surface using a tiny iron pick that showers you with razor-sharp splinters that will almost certainly blind you. Fires are regularly set to speed up the gold extraction, and if you're not burnt or choked by the fire, you may be maimed or killed by the subsequent explosion as water hits the hot rock.
You have to carry huge amounts of mined spoil on your back through low, narrow tunnels to the surface. You may be crushed by falling rocks at any time. Only slaves or prisoners need apply.
Still not convinced? Read what Peter L Bernstein, author of The Power of Gold: The history of an obsession, has to say:
The best description we have of the horrors experienced by the workers in these mines has been provided by Diodorus, a Greek who visited Egypt about the time that Caesar ruled Rome. The air in the shafts was foetid, constantly depleted by the tiny candles that barely illuminated the terrible darkness. The heat was intense, the earth frequently gave way, quartz in the rock released arsenic fumes that caused excruciating deaths among the many who inhaled them. The slaves had to work on their backs or sides and were literally worked to death if they were not crushed to death by falling rocks before they expired from exhaustion.
Are you looking for a quieter life, away from the stress of the office? This could be the job for you. However, a prerequisite is that you need to be a free peasant farmer (ceorl) with a few acres to your name. Your land needs to be cultivated with a simple wooden plough pulled by two oxen, at least one acre per day. Here's how a ploughman describes his winter routine in Aelfric's Colloquy (c. AD 1000):
I go out at dawn, driving the oxen to the field and yoking them to the plough. There is no winter so harsh that I dare to stay at home; but with yoked oxen and share and coulter [sharp blade] fastened to the plough, every day I must plough at least an acre for fear of my lord.
Oxen are naturally disinclined to trudge through muddy fields pulling a heavy burden. A sharp ox goad will be provided, but a strong commanding voice would also be a great asset to the job holder. Success in the job will mean your crops can be planted, harvested and eaten and you and your family will therefore survive. Failure will result in starvation and death.
Congratulations! If you have been successful in your application for the position of Saxon ploughman, you have been simultaneously appointed a wattle-and-daub applier!
You need to weave long, bendy bits of hazel into hurdles to make secure enclosures and shelters for your livestock and family. This is the 'wattle'. A large amount of animal dung is then collected and mixed with water, straw and mud in a bucket. You have to get in said bucket and walk in place to thoroughly mix the 'daub'. It is then applied to the hurdles to fill in the gaps and so prevent uncomfortable draughts. Repairs will be necessary on a regular basis.
This position is mandatory for the wife of the Saxon ploughman/wattle-and-daub applier.
Bread is made from rye, wheat, oats or barley – collectively called 'corn' – which is, crop failures permitting, grown on your own well-ploughed fields by your husband. You will need to grind the corn using a quern: two thick plate-shaped stones that rotate round a central spindle. You have to grind for up to four hours to make enough bread for a family of 12. Children can be encouraged to assist with this task – you will undoubtedly have quite a large number to call on to help.
The resulting flour is moistened, and this dough must be kneaded in a wooden trough. It is then formed into patties and baked in a clay oven or on a griddle. Mmmmmmm!
