Page 2 of 2 Rules, boundaries and routines

Rules about rules

1. Make them clear. Kids need to know exactly what is expected of them, so don’t just bark, ‘Tidy your bedroom.’ Make a list of the steps they need to take to tidy it and go through the points with them.
2. Keep them simple. Setting overcomplicated rules is asking for trouble. Ideally you should be able to sum up each rule in one short sentence such as, ‘No bouncing on the bed.’ ‘No snacks before meals.’
3. Fit them to the child. Your child must be able to achieve what you ask otherwise you are setting them up for failure. Tailor your rules to their age and capabilities.
4. Make sure they are enforceable. Unenforceable rules undermine your authority and set the stage for confrontation. Before setting a rule, think about how you will know if your child has followed it. If you can’t, you need to amend the rule.

Routine stuff

Certain events happen day in, day out – getting up, mealtimes, going to school, going to bed. Yet these very things are often the chief source of mayhem in families. You may think imposing too much routine will stifle your kids. But nothing could be further from the truth. Kids are creatures of habit. They like having clear routines.

Give it time. Everything always takes longer than you think in a family and small children in particular need more time than adults to get dressed, clean their teeth and so on. When setting up a routine, make sure you leave enough time for it. Try to avoid situations where you are constantly rushing them from pillar to post.

Be prepared. Get kids to prepare ahead so that routines are easy to follow. For example, help them to put out their clothes, games kit, cooking things and so on the night before so they aren’t rushing round to find them in the morning.

Help them focus. Most kids are easily distracted so help them focus by reminding them of how much time they have and what they have to do.

Step on it

Stepchildren, especially older ones, may resent or resist any attempts to apply new rules no matter how fair or justified. This can be especially difficult if you are either caring full-time for your partner’s children or if you are insecure and allow yourself to become embroiled in power conflicts with your stepchildren. Bear in mind that it’s normal for kids to test boundaries to check whether rules will be enforced. Be prepared for rebellion or cries of ‘It’s not fair’, and hang on in there.

• The basics
• Communication
• Rules
• Discipline
• Self-esteem
• Other people

Please note: the Little Darlings book is not written by Jo Frost.

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